It is natural that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don’t necessarily want to see real life because we know what that’s like. We want to be uplifted by a fantasy view of the world.

Unfortunately this huge gap between sexual fantasy and reality means that men and women today are often disappointed when real life does not match up. Until we change our sexual expectations, sex will always be taboo because we end up feeling inadequate.

One sex expert admitted that sex advice is appallingly bad today but, as he put it, he is not prime minister and so cannot change what people think. I suppose it’s like global warming. The problem is so huge that no one person feels able to do anything about it.

I have to disagree. Public health organisations should provide advice that reflects women’s real life experiences. Although, erotic literature, as a form of fiction, can reflect our sexual fantasies, educational books should publish the facts about female sexuality.

Very few sources today offer sex advice or information to couples on the basis of the facts that Shere Hite highlighted in the 1970s. So today young people are still not told that vaginal intercourse is rarely orgasmic for women or that a woman is likely to struggle with orgasm during sex by any means. The fact that female masturbation is relatively uncommon is glossed over when talking about women’s knowledge of how to achieve their own sexual arousal.

Even when experts acknowledge that women do not orgasm during sex, they seem oblivious to the relationship issue. Women may accept that sex doesn’t provide female orgasm but many men expect a partner to be equally enthusiastic about sex.

Self-evidently, women’s sexual performance is not a show-stopper and so most people assume that women do not have sexual problems. Relatively few women ever consult sex clinics. How many are concerned enough about lack of orgasm to pay out over $100 an hour to find a solution? Even in my own case, I went to a clinic more for my partner’s sake than for my own.

Some sex experts tell me that my research is out of date. Apparently, the findings of experts in the 1970s have been superseded by more modern researchers. How can the facts that are established about female sexuality, or our understanding of female sexuality, be completely overturned in the space of a few decades?

Other experts tell me that laboratory experiments indicate that the clitoris has as many nerve endings as the penis and, that as an organ, the clitoris extends back into the body and so it is comparable in size with the penis. Is this a competition or what?

I do not doubt these facts but … SO WHAT? I question what they have to do with women’s real life experiences of sex. I know that a woman can become sexually aroused but how often do women experience this level of arousal in practice? And what do experts suggest is likely to cause this level of sexual arousal in the average woman?

No one seems to think it wrong that the current definition categorises huge numbers of women as sexually dysfunctional. Yet this is purely because women are assumed to respond sexually as men do. Since female orgasm is not required for reproduction I don’t see how it makes a woman dysfunctional if she doesn’t orgasm with a partner.

We never admit that there are many reasons why people say things. They want to impress. They say what they think other people want to hear. They need to make money and have to print what people will read or what sells.

Why do men apologise to women for sexual innuendo? Why do women rarely make sexual remarks? Why do men buy women flowers? Why does experience improve men as lovers and yet younger women are thought sexier than experienced women?

I wanted to know the answers to questions like these and I am surprised that no one else wonders. No one seems to demand that one and one must add to two. Emotional taboo and sexual politics mean that all rational argument is suspended.

2 Comments »

1. you have good knowedge. sex is power of relationship.

   Comment by abhimanyu — May 26, 2010 @ 6:45 pm

2. Huh… For some men its hard to admit with their buddies on their own experience. I’d say its competition for attention… or desperation in some cases. Heck, I’ve seen on some shows, where there are women, who never get an orgasm, where as others, they get it way too often. Its something to do with the brain. But I completely agree, that the bigger issues of sex, such as our(women and men) fantasies are not reality based, but book backed. If that makes sense.

   Comment by Snoidlepuff — May 26, 2010 @ 10:39 pm

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