Ways Women Orgasm


Men and women live in different worlds when it comes to atti­tudes to erot­i­cism. I suggested that most women today know how to pleasure a man but a British sex expert (male) disagreed:

They haven’t a clue, and even if they knew, most wouldn’t do it.”

A joke illus­trates the point: “What is the differ­ence between a job and a wife?” Answer “After ten years a job still sucks!”.

Unfor­tu­nately many people still believe in shel­tering young women from erot­i­cism and so girls are told the basic repro­ductive facts but nothing of sexual pleasure. We are confident in telling girls about vaginal inter­course because it is the means of produ­cing chil­dren. It also happens to be one of the easiest ways for a woman to provide a man with sexual release. Putting it crudely, masturb­a­tion by hand or mouth not only involves more work but is also more expli­citly sexual.

Since women are not neces­sarily hoping for orgasm, they can be easily shocked by sex (in the context of sex play rather than trying for a baby). Women often don’t know how to orgasm and so they asso­ciate sexual pleasure with immor­ality. Men do hope for orgasm; and so erot­i­cism and sex play, including activ­ities other than inter­course, are more important to men.

Women do not get the same sexual pleasure

Women have diffi­culty under­standing men’s passion for sexual pleasure. The film ‘Inde­cent Proposal’ (1993) might be a little far-fetched, but never­the­less we accept that a man might pay as much as $1,000,000 for sex. Equally the film reflects women’s aver­sion to non-relationship sex: why else is the idea of sex with a good-looking million­aire so repulsive?

Men exper­i­ence a purely phys­ical reac­tion to seeing a woman’s body that has nothing to do with personal rela­tion­ships. So, men engage lap dancers, visit go-go bars and watch topless reviews because they enjoy the sensa­tions of sexual arousal that come from the phys­ical prox­imity of a semi-naked woman. Conversely, women do not tend to pay even for this relat­ively mild phys­ical grat­i­fic­a­tion because the female mind and body simply do not respond as a man’s mind and body do.

Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not auto­matic and so women have to learn about their sexual arousal. Women do exper­i­ence lust (or the desire to get laid) but they often need to be enticed into sex whereas men rarely need encouragement.

“ — men wish that women’s sexu­ality was like theirs, which it isn’t. Male sexual response is far brisker and more auto­matic: it is triggered easily by things, like putting a quarter in a vending machine. Consequently, at a certain level and for all men, girls and parts of girls are, at this stim­ulus level unpeople. That isn’t incom­pat­ible with their being people too. Your clothes, breasts, odour, etc. aren’t what he loves instead of you — simply the things he needs in order to set sex in motion to express love. Women seem to find this hard to under­stand.” (p34 The Joy of Sex – 1972)

A man’s arousal and orgasm are pretty much a given during sex. But a woman can take part in sexual activity without ever becoming aroused or reaching orgasm. So even women who have sex for years do not neces­sarily know how to orgasm. In order to qualify as ‘sexu­ally exper­i­enced’, it is quality (breadth of exper­i­ence) not quantity (years or part­ners) that counts.

As a minimum, a sexu­ally exper­i­enced woman should (1) be able to masturbate to orgasm alone, (2) have explored clit­oral stim­u­la­tion with a partner via masturb­a­tion and oral sex and (3) have attempted a variety of posi­tions for sexual inter­course. In order to discover how her arousal works, a woman needs to be positive enough about erot­i­cism to be willing to explore her sexual fantasies. Unfor­tu­nately the average woman (and this includes many ‘sex experts’) lacks this experience.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

2 comments for “Eroticism

  1. admin
    December 9, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Researchers at Ohio State Univer­sity found that men don’t think about sex as often as we think …

    Read on: Sex on the brain …

  2. aymaan30
    December 9, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Thanks a bunch for sharing these perspectives..I love reading your stories.…

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