Ways Women Orgasm

Female sexuality

Sex is asso­ci­ated with pleasure (through sexual arousal and orgasm) as well as with repro­duc­tion (through family and rela­tion­ships). However male and female sexu­ality are, often impli­citly, defined differ­ently in terms of the import­ance of the rela­tion­ship aspects of sex.

For example, men are motiv­ated to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm regard­less of a rela­tion­ship. So they enjoy masturb­a­tion and are willing to pay for both porno­graphy and sex.

Female sexu­ality is often defined more in terms of a woman’s attract­ive­ness to men than her ability to orgasm so many people are confused when a woman asks about orgasm during sex.

It was Kinsey’s revel­a­tion (‘Sexual beha­vior in the human female’ published 1953) that SOME women do exper­i­ence orgasm (commonly from masturb­a­tion alone) that lead to the popular belief that EVERY woman should be able to orgasm during sex ‘natur­ally and easily’.

So even today it is suggested that women with ‘the right atti­tude’ (i.e. attractive and sexu­ally willing) can hope to exper­i­ence sex differ­ently to other women simply by willing it to be so.

Others believe that a woman needs ‘the right man’ to ‘enjoy’ sex fully. There is nothing wrong with finding sex wonderful, for romantic or emotional reasons, but this is not true sexual arousal.

Since female orgasm is not needed for repro­duc­tion sex does not facil­itate female arousal. A woman’s chal­lenge during sex is how to achieve the MENTAL arousal required for clit­oral stim­u­la­tion to lead to orgasm.

So although manual or oral stim­u­la­tion of the clit­oris are both more likely to lead to orgasm, women often prefer ‘love-making’. Inter­course allows a woman to assist with the much easier task of facil­it­ating male orgasm rather than aiming for her own.

This is Nature’s design, which explains why, although female masturb­a­tion is very NORMAL, it is also quite UNUSUAL. Relat­ively few women explore their own sexual arousal either alone or through genit­ally focused sex play with a partner.

Female orgasm during sex

Tradi­tion­ally female sexu­ality has been defined almost entirely in repro­ductive terms (through vaginal inter­course within marriage). Ways Women Orgasm provides women with the factual back­ground to their sexu­ality in terms of a genital focus (through their own sexual arousal and orgasm) to help modern women make sense of their sexual experiences.

The discus­sion of female sexu­ality covers the following:

  • SEXUAL DESIRE: women’s own sexual desire is often confused with how sexu­ally desir­able they are to men.
  • FEMALE MASTURBATION: women’s sexual arousal is not auto­matic and so most women never discover masturb­a­tion.
  • SEXUAL AROUSAL: sexual arousal may be evid­enced by the phys­ical but it is funda­ment­ally PSYCHOLOGICAL in nature.

Whereas men’s need for PHYSICAL stim­u­la­tion during sex is clearly focused on the penis, it is often mistakenly assumed that female orgasm arises from the stim­u­la­tion of the vagina. Unfor­tu­nately the vagina (as part of the birth canal) has very few nerve endings. Only the clit­oris, the female sex organ and source of female orgasm, has a sens­it­ivity compar­able with the penis.

Simil­arly, whereas men rely on explicit erot­i­cism (porno­graphy) for their PSYCHOLOGIAL sexual arousal, it is often mistakenly assumed that female sexual arousal depends on emotional criteria. But women need explicit erot­i­cism to achieve sexual arousal just as men do. It’s simply that women’s fantasies (effective when alone) do not always help with orgasm during sex.

“As Ann Koedt put it, in ‘The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm’: ‘Perhaps one of the most infuri­ating and damaging results of the whole charade has been that women who were perfectly healthy sexu­ally were taught that they were not.’” (p46 The Hite Reports 1993)

Excerpt from Ways Women Orgasm (ISBN 978−095689−4700 published 2011)

2 comments for “Female sexuality

  1. mona37
    December 28, 2014 at 10:34 am

    thanks for high­lighting– this is great and some­thing that all females need to be made aware of!

  2. Jane
    December 28, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Thanks for the support!

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