In the novelty of a new sexual relationship, I have explored a variety of sexual activities with a partner. So, in addition to vaginal intercourse missionary style, in the early days we tried oral sex, manual clitoral stimulation and different positions for intercourse.
I enjoyed the role of the prostitute, giving pleasure to my man, but I never experienced the sexual arousal required for orgasm. The sensations from oral sex were too vague and my clitoris was too sensitive for my partner to be able to stimulate me manually.
For many years, our sex life settled into the usual marital rut of nothing more than vaginal intercourse to male orgasm. It was the easiest way to provide my partner with some sexual relief and involved me in minimal sexual effort (we always had to use a lubricant).
Once we had children, we would occasionally get away for weekends. These opportunities, plus holidays (with childcare) where we had more time for sex, meant that my partner could stimulate my clitoris (never to orgasm) during rear-entry intercourse.
I took the contraceptive pill from the age of eighteen until my partner had a vasectomy after the birth of our third child. Around this time, approximately aged 35, I found that vaginal intercourse became much more comfortable and naturally lubricated.
I’ll never know whether this effect was age related or the result of coming off the pill. I found that from time to time my body felt more sensual and aroused. As a young woman I was never aware of any sense of physical arousal. But now my mind tunes into eroticism more consciously and I am aware of having an erection of the internal clitoral organ.
Naughtier than vaginal intercourse
When I am feeling aroused, I look forward to sex sessions with my partner. Sometimes we watch a porn movie in the living room. We put a waterproof sheet and large towel over the ottoman. I kneel down and bend over the ottoman.
My partner sits behind me with a good view up between my legs. He has control of the baby oil and lube. While we are watching the movie he penetrates me from behind with fingers and penis. I fast forward to the bits of the movie that I like.
Other times we have sex on the bed. As always, we use a waterproof sheet, large towel and lots of lube. We keep a bag of sex toys.
I like the lights low so that I can focus fully on the sensations of my partner stroking me. I usually lie on my front while he stimulates me from behind.
He starts with toys or fingers but ends with penis penetration, stimulating my clitoris throughout. Admittedly a man needs to be a bit of an octopus to do all of this simultaneously but practice helps!
Depending on my levels of arousal, I feel different sensations from sex with a partner. Basically the more turned on I am from the start the better the feelings.
Vaginal fisting where my partner penetrates my vagina with the fingers of one hand can give me amazing feelings. When his fingers thrust gently backwards and forwards, I feel quite overwhelmed with waves of physical arousal.
Anal sex, starting with finger penetration, but usually ending with penile penetration has always been arousing for me. Sometimes we start a sex session with a shower and my partner gives me an enema.
It’s vital to take things slowly and start with finger penetration. This is the difficult part for a man. You need to be ready to stop if your partner is not enjoying it. It is counterproductive for the woman to be the martyr here. Keep it fun and arousing!
Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)