Ways Women Orgasm

How a woman can learn to masturbate

If a woman is open-minded to the idea of exploring erot­i­cism, she should start by reading some erotic liter­ature. I suggest:

  • Emmanuelle’ by Emmanuelle Arsan: relates the sexual adven­tures of young women;
  • The Happy Hooker’ by Xaviera Hollander: describes the author’s exper­i­ences of pleas­uring men as a high-class pros­ti­tute and the madam of a brothel; and
  • The Story of O’ by Pauline Reage: describes a fantasy castle setting where men use women for their pleasure (includes sadism). Remember not to judge — this is fantasy!

I read these books while still a teen­ager and I am confident that any hetero­sexual woman should be able to enjoy at least some of the expli­citly sexual scenarios.

Read these books in private; prefer­ably when the house is empty. After reading a book, return to the sections that you found most arousing. Try to imagine your­self in the title role. Then spend some private time perhaps on the bed gently touching your clitoral/vulva area while reading the most arousing passages or while re-living them in your mind.

Forget about your body to start with and focus on what is happening in your mind. Phys­ical stim­u­la­tion is used to bring a mental state of sexual arousal to orgasm. So if you are not mentally turned on then don’t bother with any phys­ical stim­u­la­tion. There’s no point.

“To masturbate, fantas­izing, or getting into an aroused state mentally is important. Also, for me, being alone is important. I use the tips of my fingers for actual stim­u­la­tion, but it’s better to start with patting motions or light rubbing motions over the general area.” (p81 The Hite Report 1976)

Find a comfort­able posi­tion (women masturbate in various posi­tions) and explore gently stim­u­lating your vulva and over the clit­oral hood. Some women use a pillow, or other object or just their fingers. When I first learned how to masturbate, I would rub my vulva through my under­wear. Later I enjoyed more focused clit­oral stim­u­la­tion by using my fingers directly on the skin.

Lying face down, with my eyes shut, I move my hips gently from side to side with my fingers posi­tioned over my vulva. I tense my pelvic muscles slightly. As the intensity of focus on fantasy increases my sense of arousal, my fingers press more firmly into the clit­oral area.

If all else fails then buy a vibrator.

A man needs to allow his woman privacy and to avoid inter­rog­ating her after­wards. To enjoy our own sexual arousal we need to feel free to explore our sexual fantasies. This is diffi­cult if we have to justify them to someone else later. Just think how you would feel! Remember also that a man would prob­ably always choose sex over masturb­a­tion. It’s different for a woman who only enjoys orgasm through masturb­a­tion alone: she doesn’t neces­sarily want to be inter­rupted by an enthu­si­astic partner!

The women who replied to Shere Hite’s ques­tion­naire in 1976 described their exper­i­ence of female masturb­a­tion as follows:

  • 73% — stim­u­late their clitoral/vulva area with hand while lying on their back
  • 5.5% — stim­u­late their clitoral/vulva area with hand while lying on their front
  • 4% — press their clitoral/vulva area against a soft object e.g. pillow
  • 3% — press thighs together rhythmically
  • 1.5% — water massage of clitoral/vulva area
  • 11% — women who masturbate in more than one of above ways

So once again, I’m a freak — well in the 5% category! Why be like everyone else? Women are most usually depicted masturb­ating on their backs so that any audi­ence can see what they are doing. So, is it that most women say they masturbate on their backs because they do or is it that they imagine that this is how a woman should masturbate? One wonders…

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

2 comments for “How a woman can learn to masturbate

  1. im_ready
    November 29, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    I, myself have found my own fantasies to be about rape, for the most part thats what they revolve around. But because it is, in reality, a damaging act for women I find it hard to be comfort­able expressing it with my girl­friend (whom I enjoy talking about sex and recently masturb­a­tion to) and my boyfriend (whom I’m sexu­ally active with, but he may not feel comfort­able thinking about me being “raped”). I’m still at a learning curve with devel­oping my own masturb­a­tion needs, so trying to add others in the process now is biting more off than I can handle. I would just like to define my own needs and desires first, to insure as little miscom­mu­nic­a­tion as possible of what my inten­tions and desires are of exper­i­menting with fantasies and masturbation.

    However my boyfriend is very inter­ested in my progress and what I am doing; I feel comfort­able an eager to talk to him about what I have done so far and what I am exper­i­menting. Any tips on how I can include him on what is going on with as little room for the exper­i­ments to be taken offens­ively or as “uncom­fort­able” (fantasies in specific)? I’m thinking there needs to be limit­a­tion on what I do tell him and what i keep personal to myself. I don’t really know how to meet a middle ground on that though. I would like to include him as well as keep my own “secrets” (arouses me a bit to think I’m doing sexual things behind his back :] ). Even though masturb­a­tion is normal and not cheating, the thought is still there.

    –I’m ready

  2. Jane
    November 29, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Compared with men women are much more psycho­lo­gical than phys­ical in their approach to orgasm. Women are more often turned on by words (stories) than by images. Even for men though orgasm is not just about genital stim­u­la­tion. The first step is mental arousal. So it’s vital to find a source that causes you to become mentally aroused enough for orgasm to be even possible.

    I suggest that you read as much erotic liter­ature as you can without any pres­sure or agenda. Read a variety of different genres and authors. Don’t be put off a book just because you think it might be a bit shocking. Women get far too hung up about trying to keep sex sanitary. Women are often too hung up about hygiene issues but if you bathe regu­larly there is nothing dirty about touching your genitals directly.

    The whole point of sexual arousal is that it is caused by taboo activ­ities: the more weird and kinky — the more arousing in general. Of course, you might be lucky and get turned on by straight inter­course with your partner. But most women find they need to fantasise about rape, fellatio or bondage with surreal but sexu­ally assertive strangers. None of these activ­ities is neces­sarily arousing in real life — in fact, often the contrary.

    Of course, sex with a partner is often a very different propos­i­tion and many women are disap­pointed when they find that sex is not as arousing as when they use fantasy during masturb­a­tion. Sex is vital to feeling like a sexual woman and having real-life sexual exper­i­ences to feed your fantasies. My sugges­tions are intended for women who have not yet discovered masturb­a­tion. You seem to have a fair amount of exper­i­ence of your own.

    If you don’t want to spend ten years or more waiting to exper­i­ence orgasm, masturb­a­tion repres­ents a much easier route but then you may be disap­pointed when orgasm with a partner is more diffi­cult. The chal­lenge for many couples once they start having sex is that a man’s need for orgasm can be most easily satis­fied through inter­course and so less time is dedic­ated to a woman’s sexual arousal.

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