Ways Women Orgasm

How to orgasm

Shere Hite explained how women apply orgasm tech­niques in order to orgasm during inter­course. Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not auto­matic and so women have to learn how to orgasm. Inev­it­ably, such tech­niques take time to develop.

“… the two reasons women don’t orgasm during inter­course are:

(1) they are given false inform­a­tion, specific­ally they are told that the penis thrusting in the vagina will cause orgasm; and

(2) they are intim­id­ated from exploring and touching their bodies… They do not control their own stim­u­la­tion.” (p53 The Hite Reports 1993)

Research indic­ates that masturb­a­tion is innate but sex itself is learned. We know that vaginal inter­course is repro­ductive and so we assume it also leads to sexual pleasure.

Unfor­tu­nately, female orgasm is not required for repro­duc­tion and so vaginal inter­course is not designed, either phys­ic­ally or psycho­lo­gic­ally, to provide a woman with orgasm. Luckily other sexual activ­ities can be just as enjoy­able as (if not more than) intercourse.

Inter­course natur­ally allows a man to control his own phys­ical stim­u­la­tion (of the penis) through thrusting. Even if the woman takes the initi­ative and ‘rides’ her man from on top, she is still stim­u­lating his penis with her vagina. A couple needs to build into their sex life the same freedom for the woman to obtain the clit­oral stim­u­la­tion that she needs.

Clit­oral stim­u­la­tion is not everything

If a woman knows how to masturbate to orgasm, she may be able to obtain the addi­tional clit­oral stim­u­la­tion she needs by applying her orgasm tech­niques to sex while her man penet­rates her. Usually a woman will masturbate herself during inter­course using a rear-entry posi­tion e.g. in the spoon posi­tion (imagine spoons lying side by side in the drawer).

“Forget the missionary posi­tion. Most men think that if they stick it in you you’ll be screaming with orgasm, just as long as they keep at it enough” says Ruth, 30. “It’s just not so. No matter how much you pump, nothing is going to happen, apart from her writing a mental shop­ping list for Tesco. Unless, of course the clit­oris is involved. And that’s phys­ic­ally impossible if you’re lying on top.” (Men’s Health magazine Jan/Feb 1998)

Over time a man can learn how to stim­u­late his partner but this kind of sens­itive tech­nique is diffi­cult to acquire as a man relies on his partner’s feed­back. The likely areas, equi­valent to the erogenous areas in a man, include the labia them­selves (the length of the penis), either side of the labia (the testicles), the entrance to the vagina (base of the penis) and around the anus.

Porn movies are based on male fantasies and are not intended to be educa­tional. So most real women do not relish the thought of gulping down unreal amounts of gelat­inous spunk or having it sprayed all over their bodies. I also wince when I see women appar­ently built like horses the way they can with­stand such vigorous clit­oral stim­u­la­tion as if they have male genitals.

A much gentler approach is to be recom­mended in real life, at least to start with. A man needs to learn how his partner reacts when stim­u­la­tion is pleas­ur­able. Signs of sexual arousal in a woman are subtler than for a man but include the degree and consist­ency of her vaginal fluids, the extent that the vaginal entrance and labia are swollen and the degree of clit­oral erection.

Trans­fer­ring orgasm tech­niques from masturb­a­tion to sex can be diffi­cult for a woman because some sexual fantasies are more diffi­cult to use during sex with a partner. Unfor­tu­nately not every woman is able to focus on fantasy during sex.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

2 comments for “How to orgasm

  1. Punditty
    December 22, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    Another great story, Jane. I love the quote about the “mental shop­ping list” being compiled during repet­itive penile thrusting.

    And this should be a bumper sticker:
    “Porn movies are based on male fantasies and are not intended to be educational.”

  2. Jane
    December 22, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Thanks Punditty. Unfor­tu­nately many women (espe­cially sex ther­ap­ists) insist that these images reflect women’s true responses. This provides more evid­ence that women have little real exper­i­ence to base their sexual know­ledge on so (much as men do) they rely on porn to define their sexu­ality. Unfor­tu­nately porn is produced by and consumed by men and consequently has very little to do with real women in real life.

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