I suppose that I have been lucky. My sexual desire to enjoy my own sexual arousal and orgasm is evidently unusual for a woman.
I know that this is unusual because most women talk of love, trust and commitment. From time to time, I positively enjoy jumping on my man.
But it doesn’t work like that, does it? Even if a woman climbs on top (done it many times) she’s still stimulating his penis with her vagina.
I always enjoyed flirtation and provoking a sexual response in a man. Other women often seem to be more at ease with the whole female package, including pregnancy and mothering. I preferred the image of the woman who aspired to mutual sexual pleasure with her man.
Well it’s not that easy. At least I never found it easy. I guess I was hoping for the wrong things. Women hope for babies and I got those. Men hope for good sex. For me, I always felt that sex was always over-sold, leastways where women are concerned.
I haven’t met a woman who has even hinted at lust. There’s superficial bravado but no heart-to-hearts. Not one woman has ever talked about sexual frustration. I reckon there’s plenty about if you’re a woman.
Someone please tell me I’m wrong and that if I were a true woman I would be happy with loving feelings from my sexual relationships. I guess I landed on the wrong planet and out there somewhere things are more equal. Men share the babies and women share the joy of sexual lust.
Until then, dream on babes…
Images of women from pornography often define the ‘sexual woman’. Yet such women are PAID not just for being attractive but more importantly because they are talented at putting on an act. Faking arousal and orgasm keeps the customers happy.
Men also often pay for dates that lead to casual sex, which is vastly improved by the ego factor (the thrill of the chase and the conquest for both sexes). This competition silences women in long-term relationships (who can’t possibly compete) and makes it difficult to identify women’s true sexual desire, including their motivation to initiate sex by enjoying erotic material, masturbating and exploring genitally based sexual activities with a partner over the LONGER term.
Female arousal is taboo because (1) men don’t want their sexual fantasies dashed and (2) women don’t want to be thought to be sexually inadequate. Sadly male and female sexuality are different because we have complementary not identical roles.
The fact is that female orgasm is much, much more difficult to achieve with a partner than is commonly suggested. The core of the problem is that women use sexual fantasies during masturbation but these are often difficult to use to reach orgasm with a partner especially if they are surreal or kinky in nature (which they usually are).
I am not trying to belittle men by suggesting that women deliberately deceive them (although this is sometimes true). Equally, I’m not trying to belittle women who are convinced that orgasm happens the first time and every time during sex.
I’m just pointing out to those who know what orgasm is from masturbation that other women are, often quite innocently, mistaken. Since they never masturbate they never learn how their sexual arousal works or how to reach orgasm by any means.
Think yourself lucky…
Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)