I suppose that I have been lucky. My sexual desire to enjoy my own sexual arousal and orgasm is evidently unusual for a woman.
I know that this is unusual because most women talk of love, trust and commitment. From time to time, I positively enjoy jumping on my man.
But it doesn’t work like that, does it? Even if a woman climbs on top (done it many times) she’s still stimulating his penis with her vagina.
I always enjoyed flirtation and provoking a sexual response in a man. Other women often seem to be more at ease with the whole female package, including pregnancy and mothering. I preferred the image of the woman who aspired to mutual sexual pleasure with her man.
Well it’s not that easy. At least I never found it easy. I guess I was hoping for the wrong things. Women hope for babies and I got those. Men hope for good sex. For me, I always felt that sex was always over-sold, leastways where women are concerned.
I haven’t met a woman who has even hinted at lust. There’s superficial bravado but no heart-to-hearts. Not one woman has ever talked about sexual frustration. I reckon there’s plenty about if you’re a woman.
Someone please tell me I’m wrong and that if I were a true woman I would be happy with loving feelings from my sexual relationships. I guess I landed on the wrong planet and out there somewhere things are more equal. Men share the babies and women share the joy of sexual lust.
Until then, dream on babes…
Images of women from pornography often define the ‘sexual woman’. Yet such women are PAID not just for being attractive but more importantly because they are talented at putting on an act. Faking arousal and orgasm keeps the customers happy.
Men also often pay for dates that lead to casual sex, which is vastly improved by the ego factor (the thrill of the chase and the conquest for both sexes). This competition silences women in long-term relationships (who can’t possibly compete) and makes it difficult to identify women’s true sexual desire, including their motivation to initiate sex by enjoying erotic material, masturbating and exploring genitally based sexual activities with a partner over the LONGER term.
Female arousal is taboo because (1) men don’t want their sexual fantasies dashed and (2) women don’t want to be thought to be sexually inadequate. Sadly male and female sexuality are different because we have complementary not identical roles.
The fact is that female orgasm is much, much more difficult to achieve with a partner than is commonly suggested. The core of the problem is that women use sexual fantasies during masturbation but these are often difficult to use to reach orgasm with a partner especially if they are surreal or kinky in nature (which they usually are).
I am not trying to belittle men by suggesting that women deliberately deceive them (although this is sometimes true). Equally, I’m not trying to belittle women who are convinced that orgasm happens the first time and every time during sex.
I’m just pointing out to those who know what orgasm is from masturbation that other women are, often quite innocently, mistaken. Since they never masturbate they never learn how their sexual arousal works or how to reach orgasm by any means.
Think yourself lucky…
Interesting to hear your perspective. With similar experiences, I applaud your efforts to inform.
i think what you talk about is essential for a long term relationship!
the whole package gets boring after a bit for both i guess.
the provoking part is most fun for me!
I guess its not good..
its the way to get in aids .. what do you say .
Not sure exactly what you mean… are you saying that sex gives you aids?
I am trying to promote knowledge about women’s sexuality to help couples who are in loving relationships intended for the longer-term.
Aids and other sexually transmitted diseases are associated with casual sex. Lust is a legimate human experience that is quite acceptable (in fact required for reproduction).
Even within the confines of marital sex it is possible for men and women to enjoy ‘lust’ that is sexual desire. My point is that women may find orgasm much more difficult to enjoy with a partner than they can during masturbation alone.
This is Nature’s design because female orgasm is not required for reproduction. Hence sex is not designed either physically or psychologically to lead to female orgasm.
How the hell do you go from Lust to Aids. Aids wasn’t even mentioned, are you stoned?
Ok.. aids? seriously?
Anyways, Jane I don’t think your odd ball out.
I had non-love experiences with men up till the man I’m with now. But it wasn’t the men driving the lust, it was me. Actually, I want to say 80% the men were after love not lust, but I was young, and chasing lust. I looked for lust where ever I could even if that meant committing to a relationship that I didn’t really want to commit to. What turned me on more was being in a “exclusive” relationship but then seeking the dangerous out-of-the-relationship lust. I love to tease, get a rise out of them. I find it sexually arousing to think (not actually see) about a man getting hard because of me.
With my long term relationship now (which has been my longest yet with no out-of-the-relationship lust) I do find it challenging to mix the “i love you” with “i want you to do me like you paid for me”. I mean just saying that, thinking about being treated like a hooker makes me feel weird, taboo, but I have come to peace with that I need to be played with rough to achieve what I want and I’m not ashamed. An effort to mix the lust and love together, my boyfriend and I had compared some notes on what I like. He surprised me shortly after with handcuffs, lube, a vibrating back massager (with three round balls) and her pleasure condoms. (One of our biggest struggles is he is very passive , wants to be a gentleman, and doesn’t want to hurt me, but thats what I don’t need)
It started out with a “butt rub” as we call it. I lay face down, unbutton my pants, and let him carry it out from there. He started by pulling my pants down and massaging my butt (which I love!). He then speeded it up by licking my crack, slapping, biting, jiggling my cheeks. One thing I have always found nice is him slapping his penis against my butt, rubbing it down my lower back, and brushing his balls against me. He then placed the handcuffs on me, I of course fight it, but hes strong. Then he assured my pillow is comfortable underneath my face (mr gentleman) and lifted my butt up in the air. He then started spreading my cheeks and fingering me. (this is where the unexpected happened) (keep in mind I have not ever orgasmed with a partner and have achieved “mild” orgasms through “pillow” masturbation.) As he pushed more fingers in and moved much quicker I felt a pressure starting to build up. I had never felt anything like it before and almost stopped him because I thought I had to pee. Then he brought out the back massager, and with my direction simulated my clitoris while fingering me. I got to a point where I felt at a peak, but wasn’t a 100% sure what was happening so I just stayed put. What I should have done was asked for my pillow, I believe that incident could have been a potential orgasm. Although I did not orgasm that time was a first for me with a partner (whether it was an orgasm startings or not) and new material for me to play around with masturbation. Since then, we have tried the same position, and same moves but haven’t even got a glimpse of what I felt that day. But there’s new hopes, and many more experiments to try.
Side Note: One of my personal favs is when he “splits my cheeks”. The spot he does it in is where the leg and the cheek meet, thus spreading my vaginal lips as well. Maybe this could be helpful for someone!
Im_ready
*my first posting of detailed sexual activities*
Thanks for the comment.
I’m really glad that there is another woman out there who is making the most of her sex life and enjoying erotic time with her partner.
I was starting to think that I was alone in this…
Nice, also to see that you are not bashful about some details. Thanks for being specific and honest.
Probably not much help but I have certainly found that I feel much more (from zip to loads) just by being older (post 35). So if you’re not there yet, that’s something to look forward to perhaps. I wonder if other women have the same experience…