When I was seeing Bruce, a sexual psychologist, Peter also went along for one session by himself. It was a rare opportunity for two men to compare notes on techniques for female sexual arousal.

Peter told Bruce how he had masturbated a woman on a transatlantic flight. He had told her about some sexual fantasy scenarios while stimulating her clitoris. Apparently, Bruce was very impressed with this story.

His interest in the story (given he was a sex professional) highlighted to me how little adventure the average person has. Real life sexual adventures appear to be particularly important to men.

Lonnie Barbach was disappointed when she approached several writers of erotic fiction. “‘Do you really want real experiences?’ One woman wrote. ‘Mine are awfully depressing, by and large. However, I have some fictional scenes that are quite exciting.’ Another said ‘Alas, I am sorry to say that I cannot recall any turn-on real life experiences. I live a very bland existence. The only fun I have is with my book characters.’” (pxiv Pleasures 1984)

A female magazine editor was amazed at the response to an article about women’s underwear. Their offices were inundated with correspondence from men interested in women’s panties. Men’s sexual arousal relies on fairly basic concepts whereas women look for a more sophisticated sexual context.

Men are more easily tempted by sexual pleasure

On a business trip to Germany, Peter’s foreign colleagues met him at the airport. As they drove into the city, they invited him to join them for the evening as they visited the brothels of the city. Men seem to think it quite natural that, whether he is married or not, a man is free to consider opportunities for sexual pleasure while he is away from home.

On another business trip to the USA, my partner was shown to his room by one of the hotel maids. As he was putting his bags down, the maid pulled up her skirt to reveal that she was wearing no underwear. She asked if he needed any other services.

Firstly it is worth noting that if the genders were the other way around, it is likely that a female guest (unless she was extremely liberated or had a good sense of humour) would complain to the hotel about the sexually offensive behaviour of its staff.

Secondly, in offering sex without any provocation the maid must have been fairly confident that at least some men would be interested in having sex with a stranger. It would seem that men take up sexual opportunities as they arise much more readily than a woman would in the same situation.

Naturally there are always exceptions. A young woman in her late twenties told me about a girlfriend of hers. The friend regularly walks up to strange men, perhaps as many as a handful in one evening, and without even introducing herself starts kissing the man on the mouth. I asked whether any of the men ever objected.

The woman looked at me quizzically and laughed, “What a man object to being kissed by an attractive stranger? Of course not!” It is inconceivable that a man would reject the advances of a woman and yet few women would welcome the same advances from a man even after an introduction.

6 Comments »

1. I agree, men would readily think of casual sex …

   Comment by bongtamonte — June 18, 2010 @ 1:57 pm

2. Unfortunately, some (or most) men are only as faithful as their options. The headline pretty much says it all…

   Comment by David Spector — June 18, 2010 @ 3:34 pm

3. Every point you make is well within the realm of my experience. I especially like the comparison made about hotel staff. While men wouldn’t be offended by the suggestion, most women would be put off. Thanks for the piece.

   Comment by Nathaniel Hines — June 18, 2010 @ 4:49 pm

4. really interesting post thanks for sharing

   Comment by RaulDeSouza — June 18, 2010 @ 7:22 pm

5. if a woman would accept things like that – that would just label her as a slut and make her something trashy whereas for a man, there is no such word as a man slut yet, so yeah i guess this show is run by men, not like we could carry the same approach.

   Comment by mona37 — June 18, 2010 @ 9:12 pm

6. Thanks for all the positive comments.

   Mona37, my point is that women do not screw around because they don’t have the same incentive that men have. Men can enjoy sex (at least potentially) with any woman as long as they find her sexually attractive. This is because they experience easy sexual arousal and orgasm.

   My point is that if women had the same experience then they would do the exact same thing. Obviously a few women do but they are not respected (by men or women) because we all know that women don’t have the same justification for wanting sex.

   Sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic for women as they are for men. So women are much more likely to be having casual sex for reasons other than their own arousal and orgasm. Men often feel exploited by this and other women are feel threatened (it’s easy when you’re young but once a woman has children she hopes to keep a man to help support a family).

   Women are not as repressed as is often inferred. We follow our instincts just as men do. Experience shows us that sex with just any man is unlikely to be rewarding in the longer term.

   Most women prefer to only offer sex to a man they would consider as a long-term mate. This is Nature’s way of ensuring that we form long-term relationships that can support family life.

   Comment by Jane — June 18, 2010 @ 10:27 pm

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