When I was seeing Bruce, a sexual psycho­lo­gist, Peter also went along for one session by himself. It was a rare oppor­tunity for two men to compare notes on tech­niques for female sexual arousal.

Peter told Bruce how he had masturb­ated a woman on a transat­lantic flight. He had told her about some sexual fantasy scen­arios while stim­u­lating her clit­oris. Appar­ently, Bruce was very impressed with this story.

His interest in the story (given he was a sex profes­sional) high­lighted to me how little adven­ture the average person has. Real life sexual adven­tures appear to be partic­u­larly important to men.

A female magazine editor was amazed at the response to an article about women’s under­wear. Their offices were inund­ated with corres­pond­ence from men inter­ested in women’s panties. Men’s sexual arousal relies on fairly basic concepts whereas women look for a more soph­ist­ic­ated sexual context.

Lonnie Barbach was disap­pointed when she approached several writers of erotic fiction. “‘Do you really want real exper­i­ences?’ One woman wrote. ‘Mine are awfully depressing, by and large. However, I have some fictional scenes that are quite exciting.’ Another said ‘Alas, I am sorry to say that I cannot recall any turn-on real life exper­i­ences. I live a very bland exist­ence. The only fun I have is with my book char­ac­ters.’” (pxiv Pleas­ures 1984)

Men are more easily tempted by sexual pleasure

On a busi­ness trip to Germany, Peter’s foreign colleagues met him at the airport. As they drove into the city, they invited him to join them for the evening as they visited the brothels of the city. Men seem to think it quite natural that, whether he is married or not, a man is free to consider oppor­tun­ities for sexual pleasure while he is away from home.

“To most males the desire for variety in sexual activity seems as reas­on­able as the desire for variety in the books that one reads, the music that one hears, the recre­ations in which one engages, and the friends with whom one asso­ci­ates socially. On the other hand, many females find it diffi­cult to under­stand why any male who is happily married should want to have coitus with any female other than his wife.” (p409 Sexual beha­vior in the human female 1953)

On another busi­ness trip to the USA, my partner was shown to his room by one of the hotel maids. As he was putting his bags down, the maid pulled up her skirt to reveal that she was wearing no under­wear. She asked if he needed any other services.

Firstly it is worth noting that if the genders were the other way around, it is likely that a female guest (unless she was extremely liber­ated or had a good sense of humour) would complain to the hotel about the sexu­ally offensive beha­viour of its staff.

Secondly, in offering sex without any provoca­tion the maid must have been fairly confident that at least some men would be inter­ested in having sex with a stranger. It would seem that men take up sexual oppor­tun­ities as they arise much more readily than a woman would in the same situation.

Natur­ally there are always excep­tions. A young woman in her late twen­ties told me about a girl­friend of hers. The friend regu­larly walks up to strange men, perhaps as many as a handful in one evening, and without even intro­du­cing herself starts kissing the man on the mouth. I asked whether any of the men ever objected.

The woman looked at me quiz­zically and laughed, “What a man object to being kissed by an attractive stranger? Of course not!” It is incon­ceiv­able that a man would reject the advances of a woman and yet few women would welcome the same advances from a man even after an introduction.