Ways Women Orgasm

Orgasm techniques

The web shows just what an extraordinary level of interest there is (both from men and women) in sugges­tions for how a woman can orgasm during sex.

Just to give a flavour, here are a few tips from the experts:

  • Don’t worry because orgasm is not that important;
  • Relax a bit more and stop concen­trating on orgasm;
  • Try incor­por­ating a fair amount of leg, abdom­inal, and buttock tension;
  • Rhyth­mic­ally squeeze your pelvic floor muscles;
  • Breathe deeply or pant to get oxygen to those tensing muscles;
  • Arch your back or try a different posi­tion to maximise clit­oral stimulation;
  • Stim­u­late the lubric­ated clit­oris for long enough to guar­antee an orgasm; and
  • Escape into fantasy to block out any negative thoughts or distractions!!!

I am not saying that these approaches do not work. Presum­ably they work for the people who suggest them. I am just saying that they do not work for me. Anyway isn’t female orgasm during sex supposed to happen ‘spon­tan­eously’ as it does for men?

Shere Hite explained in ‘The Hite Report’ (1976): some women obtain the DIRECT clit­oral stim­u­la­tion they need for orgasm by stim­u­lating their clit­oris by hand during sex with a partner while other women find a posi­tion for inter­course that maxim­ises the INDIRECT clit­oral stim­u­la­tion from male thrusting. Although this second approach is ideo­lo­gic­ally appealing, orgasm is likely to be more diffi­cult to achieve with indirect genital stim­u­la­tion — imagine men settling for a partner thumping against their groin!

The huge omis­sion from The Hite Report (and other sex books) is that there is no acknow­ledge­ment of the psycho­lo­gical aspects of sex. No one explains how women become sexu­ally aroused enough for clit­oral stim­u­la­tion to lead to orgasm.

Women use orgasm tech­niques (just as men do)

Many women (even those advising others) are uncom­fort­able with erot­i­cism and explicit sexual beha­viours. So although men know that their PSYCHOLOGICAL sexual arousal depends on an appre­ci­ation of erot­i­cism (images of the body of a real or imagined sexual partner), women are often advised that female sexual arousal arises simply from love and romance.

Women are not even told that clit­oral stim­u­la­tion is needed for female orgasm. Women would need to be MORE SEXUAL than men if they could orgasm during sex without making use of (phys­ical and psycho­lo­gical) orgasm tech­niques as men do.

Experts some­times suggest that women should use their orgasm tech­niques (learnt from masturb­a­tion) during sex with a partner. With all the fuss that is made about clit­oral stim­u­la­tion it is easy to over­look other vital aspects of masturbation.

“Fantasy and masturb­a­tion go together like bacon and eggs and lots of people have one favourite that always guar­an­tees an orgasm. Studies show more than 50 per cent of us fantasise every time we make love with our partner.” (p250 Hot Sex 1998)

Despite sugges­tions to the contrary, men and women are not only from the same planet but also from the same species. Why should men and women exper­i­ence the phys­ical and psycho­lo­gical aspects of sexual arousal and orgasm totally differently?

It is quite possible that there are differ­ences between male and female sexu­ality relating to levels of sex drive, ease of arousal and the import­ance of orgasm. Never­the­less enjoying our sexu­ality through sexual arousal and orgasm involves:

  • achieving PSYCHOLOGICAL sexual arousal through an appre­ci­ation of erot­i­cism (images for men; stories for women); and
  • (only once sexu­ally aroused) reaching orgasm through PHYSICAL stim­u­la­tion of the penis for men, clit­oris for women.

Other sites promise ‘mind-blowing’ orgasms. Ways Women Orgasm takes a more prag­matic approach and offers the chance to compare notes on how to make female orgasm more likely through an appre­ci­ation of the facts of female sexu­ality.

Excerpt from Ways Women Orgasm (ISBN 978−095689−4700 published 2011)

1 comment for “Orgasm techniques

  1. p4pringles
    May 28, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Thats some of very useful info thats hard to find. Good story.

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