Ways Women Orgasm

Sex for life

One great aspect of men growing older is that they become slightly less obsessed with their own sexual arousal and need for sexual release. Now that his own need for orgasm is less pressing, my partner is able to focus on my arousal and can bring me to orgasm through using a combin­a­tion of anal and clit­oral stimulation.

As a young woman I was never conscious of my own phys­ical arousal and my body appeared to be almost inert to any stim­u­la­tion from my partner. Some­time around my mid-thirties, I found that my body went through a remark­able change — it was as if I blos­somed sexually.

Even inter­course became more sensual due to increased natural lubric­a­tion (still no arousal though). From time to time, my mind gets turned on now and I am conscious of the pelvic area behind the external clit­oris being swollen and phys­ic­ally aroused (gross but true). For the first time, I exper­i­enced orgasm from my partner arousing me via manual stim­u­la­tion of the clitoris.

These phys­ical orgasms are different to those I get from masturb­a­tion when I use sexual fantasies. They are often intensely pleas­ur­able but the increase in heart rate and breathing as well as the sense of releasing sexual emotions with the subsequent relax­a­tion are all missing.

“Orgasms vary, both between women and for the same woman at different times. We exper­i­ence different qual­ities of orgasm depending upon the degree and kind of stim­u­la­tion we receive and also on what is going on in our minds.” (p76 Woman’s Exper­i­ence of Sex 1983)

Men’s need for sexual reassurance

Experts try to reas­sure women by suggesting that orgasm is unim­portant. Unfor­tu­nately, a woman who is familiar with orgasm from masturb­a­tion, assumes that the whole point of sex is the sexual pleasure of orgasm (just as a man does).

However, ulti­mately a woman can live with non-orgasmic sex because women do not exper­i­ence the same sex drive and consequent sexual frus­tra­tion that men do. Men’s desire for sex is driven as much by emotional factors as by physical.

A man in his sixties, suffering from prostate cancer, was worried that he might not be able to continue to have sex. He was so depressed about losing his ability to become sexu­ally aroused that he felt, without sex, life would not be worth living.

Male sexu­ality, including sexual arousal and orgasm, repres­ents not only a man’s masculinity but also his emotional foothold on the world. A long-term sexual rela­tion­ship fuels his ability to succeed in the other­wise emotion-less world of men.

Men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal over the longer term. So some women do explore sexual pleasure because, like myself, they consider faking to be humi­li­ating and they are willing to invest in keeping a marriage (and family) together.

Perhaps other women, who have made do with inter­course over decades, are more adept at using sexual fantasies. Perhaps other men accept a ‘lie back and think of England’ partner and use affairs to assist with their sexual arousal.

I told Bruce, the sexual psycho­lo­gist I went to see, that in over twenty years of investing in my sexual rela­tion­ship, the only orgasms I have exper­i­enced are from anal stim­u­la­tion. Bruce, quite evid­ently thinking that I was being overly partic­ular, asked unsym­path­et­ic­ally: “So what’s your problem?”

“Anal inter­course is no longer considered to be abnormal and is enjoyed by many homo­sexual and hetero­sexual couples. As long as the decision is mutual and without coer­cion or guilt, most profes­sionals believe that anal inter­course is simply another way for a couple to find pleasure with each other.” (p12 Dictionary of Sexual Terms 1992)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

8 comments for “Sex for life

  1. Bob G.
    January 11, 2015 at 10:49 am

    Jane I love my wife very much. I have got her to go out with me. Dressed in short skirt. Stock­ings heels. And no panties. She kept opening her legs so men sat across could see her cunt. I could tell she was excited doing it. And pretending she was unaware. I got so hard too. And the men certainly where inter­ested. I wanted to ask them over. But she said no. Just a matter of going to the next stage i think. Would love to bring some guys home. To fuck her.she is still a looker. And im very proud of her.i would never push her tho. Have you any sugges­tions of how i can get her to the next stage. And watch her take a few cocks. And there spunk. I think she wants to really.
    Please reply
    Love bob x

  2. Jane
    January 11, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    The best would be to discuss possib­il­ities with your partner. A woman’s will­ing­ness (just as for some men!) to have sex with a stranger is a highly personal situ­ation! My ideas are:

    (1) Find another couple where you both fancy your coun­ter­part. Start by trying a swap and then suggest a foursome/threesome when the mood is right.

    (2) Go to a profes­sional and hire someone who is not inter­ested in any kind of rela­tion­ship. Prob­ably easier to achieve in the short term and much less risky.

    Good luck, Jane

  3. Bob G.
    January 11, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Hi again Jane. Thanks for your last comment regarding other men fucking my wife. Would you be inter­ested in a three­some with me and another guy ? Just so i know what to do when it comes to doing it with wife and another guy. I don’t want to let her down or it become an unpleasant exper­i­ence for her. I will pay both your consultant fees of course
    Please reply
    Love bob xx

  4. Jane
    January 11, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Bob, I don’t offer sexual services. My area of interest is how men can provide women with sexual pleas­uring. Does your partner not have sexual fantasies she wants to act out? It always seems to be only the men that are looking for sexual pleasure.

    I am amazed that women expect so little from their sex lives. They seem to see them­selves purely as objects of sexual pleasure for men. Or how do you see it?

    Regards, Jane

  5. Bob G.
    January 11, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    I totally agree Jane.most women just get fucked. See it as just oblig­a­tion to take a cock in there cunt. Why cant they be more like most men. And want more. ? Sexual excite­ment .and lots of fore­play is a must. Fucking in risky public places adds to the excite­ment too.and i do love licking cunt out. I think most women would like that. If they would only try it. Don’t you ?
    Please reply
    Love bob xx

  6. Jane
    January 11, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Thanks Bob. I get a few men who think that just because I am talking about sex that I might want to have sex with them. Nice idea but I already have a partner who can pleasure me as I like. I don’t really see any appeal in having sex for money for a man’s gratification.

    My own pleasure comes from the compan­ion­ship of an intel­li­gent man who is willing to invest effort in me. I am not just a pretty face! I enjoy discussing the more intel­lec­tual aspects of sexu­ality and trying to under­stand how we respond to help others get more out of sex.

    Sorry but I don’t really corres­pond with men just as a sexual turn-on. I wish you the best with your sex life. Perhaps you need to differ­en­tiate between what is fantasy and what you can real­ist­ic­ally incor­porate into your real life experiences?

    Kind regards,

  7. Bob G.
    January 11, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Ok thanks Jane. And i hope i did not offend with any of my comments. I did not think for one moment you would let me fuck you. But was worth a shout lol. I would like to keep in touch with you though Jane. If that’s ok with you ?
    Love and regards

  8. Jane
    January 11, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    No problem Bob — I’m not going anywhere!

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