Slowly attitudes to sexual pleasure are changing and more couples are approaching their sex life with a willingness to try activities other than vaginal intercourse.
Basically, if you are struggling with lack of arousal during sex and genuinely want to share your own arousal with a partner then you will need to be prepared to explore activities other than intercourse.
Make a special effort once in a while to spice up your sex life. This brings welcome variety for men as well as the opportunity for a couple to explore whether more explicit clitoral stimulation might increase the woman’s arousal and even lead to orgasm. For example, many women who explore sexual pleasure with a partner find that oral sex is how they enjoy their best orgasms.
“There is no reason why physical intimacy with men should always consist of ‘foreplay’ followed by intercourse and male orgasm; and there is no reason why intercourse must be part of heterosexual sex.” (p34 The Hite Reports 1993)
The pre-orgasmic woman (who can orgasm only during masturbation alone) faces a unique dilemma because of the difficulty she may have in trying to reconcile a sexual relationship without orgasm.
Presumably, with oral sex becoming more accepted, couples are content when the woman can climax in this way. But perhaps even for these women there is a similar problem if a couple still feels that ideally orgasms should result from intercourse.
One advantage of vaginal intercourse, when combined with a face-to-face position, is that it allows for the loving aspects of sexual relationships. Equally, for many people, penetration is the greatest turn-on because it symbolises the ultimate act of intimacy with another person. Another form of sex play, that is highly taboo especially for women, is anal sex.
If a woman is open-minded and has a sensitive lover then anal stimulation/penetration combined with clitoral stimulation is likely to lead to orgasm. As with vaginal fisting, a professional lubricant from a sex shop and plenty of time to TAKE THINGS SLOWLY are critical. Try the book by the young American women: Em & Lo called ‘The Big Bang’ (2004) on both of these.
“Anal intercourse: This is something which nearly every couple tries once. A few stay with it, usually because the woman finds that it gives her more intense feelings than the normal route and it is pleasantly tight for the man.” (p118 The Joy of Sex 1972)
Alex Comfort (author of ‘Joy of Sex’) was perhaps a little optimistic about the sexual adventurousness of the average couple. I would be amazed if it were proven that ‘nearly every couple’ tries anal sex. If it doesn’t appeal then it’s not likely to be very arousing. Given the inertness of the vagina, anal sex is simply one suggestion that may provide more sensation for the woman.
Heterosexuals, confident of the moral weight of society behind them, often condemn anal sex. Personally I am not tempted by ‘filching’ but so what? It is inappropriate to be judgmental about activities that consenting adults may find pleasurable.
Women’s rejection of suggestions for how they might enjoy sexual pleasure is yet more evidence that women have to make a more conscious choice to learn about how their sexual arousal works. Many women are unfamiliar with their own sexual arousal and so they have no motivation to even try activities (including masturbation and oral sex) that may lead to orgasm.
One of the unfortunate consequences of the sexual revolution was to imply that all of a sudden women were transformed from what they were before (presumably just ordinary women – wives, housewives and mothers) into fully motivated sexual beings.
Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)