Sex does not stand alone in a relationship and in long-term sexual relationships couples need to invest in quality time together.
The candle-lit dinners, soft music and flowers we tend to associate with romance provide the backdrop for the companionable aspects of a relationship.
A young woman, who had promised her father that she would remain a virgin until a certain age, complied with his request by having anal sex with her partners (Note: STD protection and contraceptives still required).
Unsurprisingly, she was very popular with men who tend not to be so hung-up about breaking sexual taboos.
Tracy Cox (author of ‘Hot Sex’ 1998) tells the story of a woman who welcomes her partner home wearing a sexy nightdress, with champagne by the bed and a pornographic movie ready to play. If she does this regularly over the longer term then I take my hat off to her!
Her partner is a very lucky man.
Slowly attitudes to sexual pleasure are changing and more couples are approaching their sex life with a willingness to try activities other than vaginal intercourse.
Basically, if you are struggling with lack of arousal during sex and genuinely want to share your own arousal with a partner then you will need to be prepared to explore activities other than intercourse.
Make a special effort once in a while to
I always enjoyed sharing physical intimacy with a lover but this is very different to achieving my own sexual arousal. I always knew that true sexual arousal was missing because I was familiar with orgasm from the very first time that I had sex.
When I was growing up there was never any embarrassment over nudity at home. As divorcees, my parents naturally enjoyed sexual relationships with various partners from time to time.
So I have never seen any reason why I should not enjoy the same easy sexual arousal and orgasm apparently promised by erotic fiction.
Self-evidently there are ‘responsible’ aspects of sex as well as the ‘pleasurable’ but sexual ignorance is of no use to anyone.
Young women today are more likely to end up pregnant as a result of pressure from men or from idealised images of motherhood than from any hope of enjoying sexual pleasure.