Category Archives: Sex advice today

What sex experts have told me

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When my partner and I decided to get married, his work-mates took him out for a beer to convince him that marriage would mean the end of his sex life.

Natur­ally no woman ever gave me similar advice. I accepted early on that a woman needs to invest in sex for her man’s sake. Even so, I was prepared to believe that there was some­thing wrong with me Continue reading

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Posted in Sex advice today | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Advice on female orgasm

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Given the prac­tical nature of sex (book-learning only gets you so far!) we tend to assume that sex experts have personal exper­i­ence to support their ‘expertise’.

Such is our embar­rass­ment over sex that even when a person is advising others about sex we think it improper to ask them to account for their sexual exper­i­ences. Yet these exper­i­ences contribute towards their authority and support their qualifications.

Most Continue reading

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Posted in Sex advice today | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Bringing more realism to sex advice

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It is natural that female sexu­ality is misrep­res­ented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be enter­tained. We don’t neces­sarily want to see real life because we know what that’s like. We want to be uplifted by a fantasy view of the world.

Unfor­tu­nately this huge gap between sexual fantasy and reality means that men and women today are often Continue reading

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Sex advice for women is often misleading

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Natalie, a woman in her late twen­ties, had a close rela­tion­ship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a mother with a medical back­ground might be more likely than others to have discussed her sexual exper­i­ences with a daughter.

When young women have diffi­culty reaching orgasm during sex, it can be diffi­cult for them to find answers. Natalie was relieved and grateful Continue reading

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Explanations for women’s sexual arousal

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Some people assert confid­ently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frus­trat­ingly vague and defensive.

Many people assume that all women ‘natur­ally’ orgasm during sex. I have been advised to read a sex manual as if only extreme ignor­ance can explain a lack of orgasm. Altern­at­ively, with a sympath­etic expres­sion I am asked about my feel­ings for my partner Continue reading

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The truth about female sexuality

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Sex is a diffi­cult subject to analyse because it relies on our emotions rather than our powers of logical reas­oning. How many women have been as inter­ested in sex as I have been?

Having masturb­ated since the age of seven­teen, I knew that orgasm was missing from sex. I consulted sex experts and had it confirmed that my partner and I are completely normal. I have read extens­ively Continue reading

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Sex experts deal with sexual dysfunction

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In the film ‘Doc Holly­wood’ (1991) Bridget Fonda asks Michael J Fox whether doctors know more about sex than normal people.

This is a natural mistake to make because of the miscon­cep­tion that sex is a mech­an­ical or biolo­gical aspect of our bodies. In fact, doctors are unlikely to know any more about sex than the rest of us.

Sex is primarily about our psycho­logy and Continue reading

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How do women reach orgasm with a partner?

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Everyone says “but it all works fine for other women”. My ques­tion is “How?”

Men have more testosterone. Men get turned on by anything that moves in a skirt with legs. All men natur­ally masturbate throughout their sexu­ally active lives. They heckle, they ask women to dance, they propos­i­tion, etc. etc.

And women? They wait to be asked. Is this a sign of sex drive or Continue reading

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Defending the modern image of female sexuality

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As a young woman I never under­stood why I did not exper­i­ence sexual arousal as a natural part of my sexual rela­tion­ship. Much later I decided to talk to experts, assuming that they would have some answers, but I was met only with evasion and silence.

The issue of women’s sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner is surrounded by mis-information, contrary opin­ions and, above all, defens­ive­ness Continue reading

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Posted in Sex advice today | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

The problem with sex advice today

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The sugges­tion is that female sexu­ality is identical to male sexu­ality. Yet women don’t approach sex with the same genital erec­tion (of the clit­oris) that men tend to have so how can women hope to orgasm during sex as easily as men do?

Many women have diffi­culty with orgasm during sex but this is rarely acknow­ledged by anyone, least of all the femin­ists, who are blinded Continue reading

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Posted in Sex advice today | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments