When a man is stimulated sexually by a partner he finds it difficult to avoid becoming aroused.
Judy married in the late 1950s; well before the average woman was informed about what a sexual relationship might involve. Judy’s aspirations were to provide a comfortable home for her family and to enjoy being a wife and a mother.
When I talked to her, Judy was in her mid-sixties with grown up children and a relationship of over 40 years.
Sex is associated with pleasure (through sexual arousal and orgasm) as well as with reproduction (through family and relationships). However male and female sexuality are, often implicitly, defined differently in terms of the importance of the relationship aspects of sex.
For example, men are motivated to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm regardless of a relationship.
It is natural that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don’t necessarily want to see real life because we know what that’s like.
Up until the 1950s society believed that women only had sex either for the purposes of procreation or to satisfy their partner. Alfred Kinsey’s revelation in 1953 that women also experience orgasm caused a sensation.
His report was attacked for being ‘anti-family’ in finding high incidences of male infidelity (40%) and homosexuality (37%) as well as female masturbation (62%), which others thought to be unrepresentative.
Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy whereas women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic so unsurprisingly sex tends to focus on male sexual arousal.
A man’s orgasm (since it is usually co-incident with ejaculation) is critical to reproduction and so it makes sense that men are motivated by eroticism and able to reach orgasm easily.
Female orgasm, on the other hand, is not required for a woman to
Given the practical nature of sex (book-learning only gets you so far!) we tend to assume that sex experts have personal experience to support their ‘expertise’.
Such is our embarrassment over sex that even when a person is advising others about sex we think it improper to ask them to account for their sexual experiences.