In the film ‘Doc Hollywood’ (1991) Bridget Fonda asks Michael J Fox whether doctors know more about sex than normal people.
This is a natural mistake to make because of the misconception that sex is a mechanical or biological aspect of our bodies. In fact, doctors are unlikely to know any more about sex than the rest of us.
Sex is primarily about our psychology and our emotions.
Sex is a difficult subject to analyse because it relies on our emotions rather than our powers of logical reasoning. How many women have been as interested in sex as I have been?
Having masturbated since the age of seventeen, I knew that orgasm was missing from sex. I consulted sex experts and had it confirmed that my partner and I are completely normal.
Some people assert confidently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frustratingly vague and defensive.
Many people assume that all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during sex. I have been advised to read a sex manual as if only extreme ignorance can explain a lack of orgasm.
Natalie, a woman in her late twenties, had a close relationship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a mother with a medical background might be more likely than others to have discussed her sexual experiences with a daughter.
When young women have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, it can be difficult for them to find answers.
It is natural that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don’t necessarily want to see real life because we know what that’s like.
Given the practical nature of sex (book-learning only gets you so far!) we tend to assume that sex experts have personal experience to support their ‘expertise’.
Such is our embarrassment over sex that even when a person is advising others about sex we think it improper to ask them to account for their sexual experiences.
When my partner and I decided to get married, his work-mates took him out for a beer to convince him that marriage would mean the end of his sex life.
Naturally no woman ever gave me similar advice. I accepted early on that a woman needs to invest in sex for her man’s sake.