As a young woman I never understood why I did not experience sexual arousal as a natural part of my sexual relationship. Much later I decided to talk to experts, assuming that they would have some answers, but I was met only with evasion and silence.
The issue of women’s sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner is surrounded by mis-information, contrary opinions and, above all, defensiveness.
Everyone says “but it all works fine for other women”. My question is “How?”
Men have more testosterone. Men get turned on by anything that moves in a skirt with legs. All men naturally masturbate throughout their sexually active lives. They heckle, they ask women to dance, they proposition, etc. etc.
And women? They wait to be asked.
In the film ‘Doc Hollywood’ (1991) Bridget Fonda asks Michael J Fox whether doctors know more about sex than normal people.
This is a natural mistake to make because of the misconception that sex is a mechanical or biological aspect of our bodies. In fact, doctors are unlikely to know any more about sex than the rest of us.
Sex is primarily about our psychology and our emotions.
Sex is a difficult subject to analyse because it relies on our emotions rather than our powers of logical reasoning. How many women have been as interested in sex as I have been?
Having masturbated since the age of seventeen, I knew that orgasm was missing from sex. I consulted sex experts and had it confirmed that my partner and I are completely normal.
Some people assert confidently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frustratingly vague and defensive.
Many people assume that all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during sex. I have been advised to read a sex manual as if only extreme ignorance can explain a lack of orgasm.
Natalie, a woman in her late twenties, had a close relationship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a mother with a medical background might be more likely than others to have discussed her sexual experiences with a daughter.
When young women have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, it can be difficult for them to find answers.
It is natural that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don’t necessarily want to see real life because we know what that’s like.