Ways Women Orgasm

What real women say

Reality versus fiction. What real women say about sex and orgasm is very different to how women’s responsiveness is portrayed in pornography and other erotic fiction.

Intercourse does not facilitate female orgasm

Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy, which gives them a natural advantage. As a consequence, while men can usually hope for orgasm from their sexual encounters, most women have to settle for the more diffused sensations of sexual arousal.

“Sex is a very different experience for women and men. A man experiences pleasure primarily as a release of sexual tension. A woman experiences sex in an opposite way.

Why sexual arousal is more elusive for women

Sexual desire is associated with ‘sex drive’. The male sex drive is a man’s biological drive to procreate by thrusting into a woman’s vagina until ejaculation (usually co-incident with male orgasm).

Before the sexual revolution a woman was seen to have a complementary (not identical) sexual role to men in terms of accepting a man’s sexual advances.

Comparing orgasm from female masturbation and with a partner

Graphs are not very exciting concepts but nevertheless they can be useful. Imagine the male orgasm graph which looks a little like a vertical phallic symbol. Then imagine the female orgasm graph which looks like the outline of a woman’s vulva.

The male experience is shorter but more intense. The female experience is longer but lower overall.

Women settle for emotional intimacy over sexual arousal

On relating our experience to others, we all tend to gloss over details or not own up to difficulties that were perhaps transient.

I told Linda, a mother of three in her late forties, that I had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Linda looked at me incredulously and laughed as if I must be ignorant of the most basic sexual facts.

Emotional intimacy

Enjoying sex for life involves continuing to be thrilled by each other’s company in a broader sense than just sex.

It involves demonstrating affection by reacting sensitively to each other’s needs. The physical intimacy of sex (because of its highly personal nature) leads to emotional intimacy where there is trust and respect.