Alex Comfort’s book ‘The Joy of Sex’ (1972) documented primarily positions for intercourse that he and his mistress had found pleasurable as part of their affair. The affair was quite open and the two lovers shared the family home with his wife and son.
Don’t get me wrong. What Alex Comfort achieved was amazing at the time.
I have never been a romantic. But recently, I must have gone soft in the head because I now enjoy romantic dramas. I admire the hero’s masculinity, his body (admittedly fully clothed) and his portrayal of restrained sex drive. Romance may make a woman amenable to sex but I have not found that it helps with sexual arousal.
Shere Hite explained how women apply orgasm techniques in order to orgasm during intercourse. Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic and so women have to learn how to orgasm. Inevitably, such techniques take time to develop.
Any talk of sexual arousal and orgasm, usually focuses on women since men’s sexual arousal and orgasm tend to be a given.
It is unthinkable that anyone needs to tell a man how to orgasm. By the time they are teenagers, boys have discovered how to enjoy their own sexual arousal, by looking at images of naked women.
Although I knew that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies during masturbation, when I approached orgasm during sex, I never considered using sexual fantasies to generate sexual arousal. The presence of another person makes it impossible to achieve the mental focus needed to reach orgasm through fantasy alone.
“Women also often find it easier to fantasise when self-pleasuring than in sex with a partner.
Shere Hite pointed out in 1976 that intercourse does not provide the specific clitoral stimulation that women need to orgasm. So, it is very likely that any woman who claims easy orgasm during intercourse is mistaken.
Especially given so few women masturbate and so most do not know what orgasm is.
Even today, female sexual arousal is shrouded in mystery. Female orgasm is assumed to happen ‘naturally’ or with the assistance of a loving partner.
No one needs to tell men how their sexual arousal works. Boys experience spontaneous erections so that male masturbation is inevitable.