Beliefs about female sexu­ality are more often based on fantasy than facts. These are the 10 essen­tial facts that every sexual woman should know:

(1) Enjoying orgasm through genital stimulation

Anyone, male or female, alone or with a partner, uses genital stim­u­la­tion to take a mental state of sexual arousal (achieved by appre­ci­ating erot­i­cism) to orgasm.

(2) The role of psycho­lo­gical sexual arousal

During masturb­a­tion men use erotic images (usually the naked body and sexual attrib­utes of a sexual partner) and women use erotic scen­arios (usually stories with a complex psycho­lo­gical context) for psycho­lo­gical sexual arousal.

(3) The role of genital stimulation

During masturb­a­tion men stim­u­late their penis, women stim­u­late their clit­oris (the female sex organ) BUT genital stim­u­la­tion only leads to orgasm once a person is mentally aroused. So clit­oral stim­u­la­tion does not by itself guar­antee orgasm.

For example, even during female masturb­a­tion clit­oral stim­u­la­tion leads to orgasm ONLY when it is combined with the use of sexual fantasies.

(4) Fantasies can be diffi­cult to use with a partner

Men’s arousal mech­anism of erotic images trans­fers fairly natur­ally from masturb­a­tion (porno­graphy) to sex (the body of a real life sexual partner). Women’s fantasies do not transfer nearly as easily. Some women find that mind-based fantasies are incom­pat­ible with sex.

(5) Clit­oral stim­u­la­tion can be less effective during sex

Men approach sex with a desire to stim­u­late their penis (via inter­course or other means) because they are already aroused. A woman’s chal­lenge is to discover how to achieve suffi­cient sexual arousal during sex for clit­oral stim­u­la­tion to be effective.

(6) Some women do use their sexual fantasies during sex

Women do not find a man’s body or his sexual attrib­utes arousing enough for orgasm, other­wise women would enjoy porno­graphy, pole-dancing and lap-dancing bars as men do. Some women are able to use their fantasies during sex.

Altern­at­ively a woman may learn how to enjoy a form of phys­ical sexual arousal and orgasm during fantasy-inspired sex play with a partner that is highly pleas­ur­able although perhaps not as sexu­ally satis­fying as orgasm through fantasy.

(7) Some women do use clit­oral stim­u­la­tion during sex

Unfor­tu­nately, inter­course alone provides insuf­fi­cient clit­oral stim­u­la­tion for orgasm. Shere Hite explained in ‘The Hite Report’ (1976) how SOME women learn over time (often years) to orgasm during intercourse.

EITHER they find a suit­able posi­tion that maxim­ises the indirect clit­oral stim­u­la­tion OR they stim­u­late their clit­oris directly by hand during inter­course. Natur­ally, any woman who can orgasm through oral sex is also able to enjoy orgasm with a partner.

(8) Confu­sion over female orgasm

Many women dislike the erot­i­cism that leads to sexual arousal and so they never discover masturb­a­tion. They never realise not only that orgasm is a signi­ficant pleasure but also that a woman needs to know how to achieve it. Orgasms don’t ‘just happen’.

Often it is only women who masturbate who realise that orgasm is missing from sex with a partner. Many other women assume that they orgasm from male thrusting alone even though inter­course does not provide suffi­cient clit­oral stim­u­la­tion for orgasm.

(9) Many women never orgasm by any means

Many women never orgasm during sex: not because women are dysfunc­tional but because sex is not designed to facil­itate female orgasm either phys­ic­ally or psycho­lo­gic­ally. Female orgasm repres­ents one of Nature’s redundancies.

A woman is fortu­nate if she discovers orgasm by any means. Unlike men, women are much less versatile in how they are able to orgasm. A woman often finds only one way to orgasm and unfor­tu­nately the easiest way is through masturb­a­tion alone.

(10) Enjoying sexual pleasure with a partner

Romance does not help directly with female orgasm but it may cause a woman to be more amen­able to sex. Many women enjoy sharing phys­ical intimacy with a loving partner regard­less of their own ability to orgasm during sex.

Men approach sex with a genital focus because they are already aroused so they often fail to engage on the sensual aspects of sex. A woman accepts that female orgasm is diffi­cult to achieve so she hopes to enjoy more general pleas­uring with a lover.