Sex is a diffi­cult subject to analyse because it relies on our emotions rather than our powers of logical reas­oning. How many women have been as inter­ested in sex as I have been?

Having masturb­ated since the age of seven­teen, I knew that orgasm was missing from sex. I consulted sex experts and had it confirmed that my partner and I are completely normal. I have read extens­ively and have my own personal library of erotica and sex manuals. I have explored sex with a partner on a regular basis over many years. I have spent over ten years writing about sex and talking to others about sex.

Despite this exper­i­ence, all it takes is one sixteen-year-old to claim that sexual arousal and orgasm were easy for her the first time and every time or one twenty-something-year-old to talk about multiple orgasms. Suddenly, anyone’s interest in a more real­istic discus­sion deflates like a balloon — we all prefer the more sensa­tional report. And yet these claims do not tally with anyone’s real life exper­i­ences of sex.

I may be doubting women’s claims of easy orgasm during sex but I am certainly not anti-sex — quite the reverse. I am asking: why do so many women dislike the erot­i­cism that lies at the heart of our sexu­ality and our enjoy­ment of our sexual arousal?

I want to put an end to the intim­id­ating and humi­li­ating advice that is typic­ally given to young women today. The fact is that any woman who asks about lack of sexual arousal during sex is very unlikely to be:

Yet, I have been patron­ised and humi­li­ated with all of these opin­ions by amateurs and profes­sionals alike, even as an exper­i­enced woman (over the age of thirty five). It is a crime that this ‘sex advice’ is given to young women on the web every day.

Modern day sex advice is discrim­in­ating against women by suggesting that orgasm is unim­portant or that women can hope to orgasm without any of the tech­niques that men employ (erot­i­cism for arousal and genital stim­u­la­tion for orgasm).

The FACTS of female sexu­ality are lost: (1) that women need clit­oral stim­u­la­tion for orgasm and (2) that women are likely to have much more diffi­culty using their sexual fantasies effect­ively during sex compared with masturb­a­tion alone.

No man is thought to be odd because he masturb­ates. This is because every man masturb­ates. Masturb­a­tion is much less common for women so it is assumed to be an optional extra or even to prevent a woman exper­i­en­cing orgasm with a partner.

Adult masturb­a­tion involves knowing what turns you on, how to achieve sexual arousal and orgasm. Many women never learn how to orgasm through genital stim­u­la­tion (and I person­ally ques­tion whether there is another way to orgasm).

If my exper­i­ences were truly abnormal in some way, then others would be more sympath­etic. They would be able to explain how they are able to over­come the known facts about female sexu­ality instead of claiming that it all happens ‘naturally’.

I have no agenda. I am not trying to make money out of anyone. I am simply trying to estab­lish some facts and provide other couples with more logical and real­istic inform­a­tion about female sexu­ality.