Ways Women Orgasm

Why do women not always appreciate displays of male sexuality?

I have never seen any reason to be embarrassed about my body. I am pretty. I have sensual skin that browns easily and a sexy figure. My parents were always relaxed about nudity.

So when I was eighteen, out in the South of France for the summer, I enjoyed going top-less sunbathing. Why have those bikini lines that make your breasts look like icebergs? One day, as I was lying there on the popular pebble beach desperately trying to tan, I heard… “Just look at all those tits!” as a sailor’s voice carried across the water: the British Navy had arrived.

I looked out to sea and there was the naval ship. So I was less than surprised when half an hour later (they’re quick, those boys!) my sunlight was being blocked by a very pleasant young sailor. Of course, he wanted to know all about me. It was my afternoon off and, since he was only in port for a few hours, I didn’t see much point in getting to know him. We talked and he walked me back to my apartment. Sorry, nothing happened…

Some men like to display their male sexuality by aiming sexual remarks at women. That summer I was occasionally offended by men’s appreciation of my sexual attributes. “Hey, you with the big tits!” was once shouted at me from across the road. I can’t say that I’ve ever wanted to be singled out for my tits. It’s nice to have some but how to explain to a man…

It’s the way the man shouted for all to hear. It made me feel, not like a person, but like an object to be ogled at without any sensitivity and also with the implicit knowledge that I could not retaliate by shouting something similar back. How do you make a man feel like a piece of sexual meat? Female sexuality does not so naturally include such vocal displays of appreciation for the sexual attributes of the opposite sex. So it can be difficult to understand.

Imagine you had to wear your penis on your chest under your tee shirt, but essentially for the whole world to see. Would you appreciate comments from women about the merits of your sexual anatomy? Men may feel that it can never be insulting to be big. Well as a woman you can be both too small and too big. We are all sensitive about being identified as unusually different.

So when you think a woman is dying to be told how big her breasts are – give it some thought. Men perhaps feel that they would love to receive sexual heckling from women. Maybe. Just think how you would feel if a gay man made a sexual remark to you.

Well there’s a parallel here. Sexual remarks are great when you are the one dishing them out. Sexual compliments are only appreciated if you find the other person sexually attractive and women often take longer to decide on this point than men. Also women are not so often in the position of singling out the man they find attractive. Women’s sexual arousal is not driven by looking at naked images of men so we have less to gain from physical intimacy with the opposite sex.

For the most part, my experience is that male commentary is most often not intended to be offensive. I enjoy being whistled at by passing men and I always smile and wave back. Even quite recently, a passing French man made some remark I did not entirely understand – “Nice arse” or similar – and seemed surprised when I thanked him for the sexual compliment.

Once in informal company I used an impolite four-lettered word for a woman’s private parts. I was surprised that even in this day and age the women were shocked by the mention of such a word. Of course, the men said nothing. Although rarely admitted, censorship of nudity exists because most women positively dislike looking at anyone’s genitals up close (even their own).

I have always told my young daughters to use the word ‘pussy’ for their sexual anatomy, which I consider to be about as rude as the word ‘willie’. I was really quite angry when our young nanny told them to use the phrase ‘front-bottom’ instead. It would seem that women are offended by almost any explicit reference to their genitals regardless of who is making the comment.

By accepting intercourse, regardless of female orgasm, women never need to engage on other more explicitly sexual activities. It’s this aversion to the physical that gives men the impression that women are sexually inhibited. The facts are: female sexual arousal does not occur as easily as male but also women do not obtain the same rewards that men do from physical intimacy.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

4 comments for “Why do women not always appreciate displays of male sexuality?

  1. Ibrahim_mahmood
    February 22, 2017 at 1:37 pm

    hello Jane, yet another great story….although i have never passed remarks to women passers-by but always wondered why men do it….i think they do it because they like attention, maybe….but one thing is for sure that its really rude to do it…..i love it when you ask the question “imagine you had to wear your penis on your chest under your tee shirt but essentially for the whole world to see”….if that would happen suicide rate in men will surge drastically and the world as we know it would not exist!! 🙂 …..nice one, again

  2. Jane
    February 22, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    Thanks for your support! As I said, I love men’s enthusiasm for women and sex. It’s just perhaps sometimes a few men need to give some thought to some of the cruder comments that can be miscontrued when coming from a complete stranger.

  3. Roy_C
    February 22, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    Yes, yes. Male sexuality can be crude. Sometimes, in the right situation, that very crudeness will heighten a woman’s experience. The right situation would be one in which she knew that the man actually cared for her.

    Women with a higher degree of testosterone than their peers are the very ones most likely to seek out sexual experiences of a more impersonal kind than their more traditional and less testosterone-charged women friends.

    These women understand, or are willing to try to understand, men’s sexuality without condemning it.

    What we really need to do is integrate in all the cruder aspects of sexuality while subsuming them to differentiated feeling. Differentiated feeling would be the conscious, as opposed to the unconscious, use of the feeling function, one that would respect the other as a source of the Divine, what Jung calls “the Self”, affirming, not demeaning, the other.

  4. Jane
    February 22, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    Thanks Roy.

    I agree that there is definitely a wide range of attitudes to sex from different women: from women who are disgusted by any mention of the word to others who are amenable (in the right circumstances) to the sexual attentions of a respectful admirer.

    Most men come to understand this perspective particularly when they have mothers, sisters or daughters they care about.

    Some women come to understand that at a certain level the male sexual response works by the male responding instinctively to his sex drive. Other women assume that they have the exact same response as men do because they never realise the intensity of men’s interest in sex.

    For example, many women today are not educated about men’s interest in pornography and masturbation or they dismiss it as an irrelevant trivial difference between the male and the female experience.

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