Monday, November 19, 2018
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What real women say

Reality versus fiction. What real women say about sex and orgasm is very different to how women’s responsiveness is portrayed in pornography and other erotic fiction.

Carolyn, a relationship counsellor in her fifties, told me she thought it unwise to positively encourage female masturbation. She did not give her reasons. “Many women think of masturbation as unnatural and disgusting and a complete waste of time, and don’t understand why anybody does it and are unsympathetic to the view that people might continue to do it even...
As our bodies develop through puberty, young men and women become aware of themselves as very different sexual beings. Boys have erections as early as 8 or 9. During puberty the penis increases substantially in size and becomes much more responsive to stimulation, both mental and physical. By the age of 12 or 13, most boys have learnt how to...
The heterosexual act of vaginal intercourse is designed foremost as an expression of love between a man and a woman. After all, if sex was purely about two people reaching orgasm, then we would more naturally engage in activities that involve more direct genital stimulation. Intercourse is a natural progression from kissing to a man capitalising on his sexual arousal...
Sex is associated with reproduction and with pleasure. Male orgasm is usually co-incident with ejaculation which leads to reproduction but female orgasm is not required for a woman to become pregnant. So it's at least possible that women may experience sexual pleasure (including sexual desire, sexual arousal and orgasm) differently to men. Men discover orgasm at a young age but women...
Shere Hite identified two main approaches that women used to increase clitoral stimulation and their chances of orgasm during intercourse. They either maximised DIRECT clitoral stimulation by using masturbation during sex or they used positions and techniques for sexual intercourse that maximised INDIRECT clitoral stimulation caused by the penis thrusting into the vagina. “... orgasm is most likely to come...
Men's sexual arousal is usually easy, which gives them a natural advantage. As a consequence, while men can usually hope for orgasm from their sexual encounters, most women have to settle for the more diffused sensations of sexual arousal. “Sex is a very different experience for women and men. A man experiences pleasure primarily as a release of sexual tension....
Sexual desire is associated with ‘sex drive’. The male sex drive is a man’s biological drive to procreate by thrusting into a woman’s vagina until ejaculation (usually co-incident with male orgasm). Before the sexual revolution a woman was seen to have a complementary (not identical) sexual role to men in terms of accepting a man's sexual advances. So a woman...