Graphs are not very exciting concepts but nevertheless they can be useful. Imagine the male orgasm graph which looks a little like a vertical phallic symbol. Then imagine the female orgasm graph which looks like the outline of a woman’s vulva.
The male experience is shorter but more intense. The female experience is longer but lower overall.
Why in our liberated times do women still accept ‘putting up with sex’ just to avoid being single? I am not judging anyone else’s experiences.
When my partner and I decided to get married, his work-mates took him out for a beer to convince him that marriage would mean the end of his sex life.
Naturally no woman ever gave me similar advice. I accepted early on that a woman needs to invest in sex for her man’s sake.
Much of what is known about female orgasm comes from women’s experience of masturbation. Shere Hite’s work focused on female masturbation and the clitoris.
As a research student in the United States in the early 1970s, Shere (pronounced ‘sherry’) Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street.
On relating our experience to others, we all tend to gloss over details or not own up to difficulties that were perhaps transient.
I told Linda, a mother of three in her late forties, that I had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Linda looked at me incredulously and laughed as if I must be ignorant of the most basic sexual facts.
Slowly attitudes to sexual pleasure are changing and more couples are approaching their sex life with a willingness to try activities other than vaginal intercourse.
Basically, if you are struggling with lack of arousal during sex and genuinely want to share your own arousal with a partner then you will need to be prepared to explore activities other than intercourse.
Make a special effort once in a while to
I am not so crazy as to approach just any random woman on the subject of sex. I know that most women will be irreversibly offended even at the mention of sex. So I choose women who appear to be fairly liberated and then I approach the subject tangentially.
Of the women I have been brave enough to approach, the vast majority have shunned me.