Ways Women Orgasm

True female sexual arousal and orgasm

Any talk of sexual arousal and orgasm, usually focuses on women since men’s sexual arousal and orgasm tend to be a given.

It is unthinkable that anyone needs to tell a man how to orgasm. By the time they are teenagers, boys have discovered how to enjoy their own sexual arousal, by looking at images of naked women. Likewise no one tells a boy that to orgasm he also needs to stimulate his penis.

Most women never masturbate and so they never learn that real female orgasms arise (just as male orgasms do) from bringing a mental state of sexual arousal to orgasm using genital stimulation (of the clitoris).

Given the popular belief that female arousal and orgasm during sex are easily achieved, many women simply assume that they experience these sensations as a natural part of their sexual relationship.

Sexual arousal (using erotic images/fantasies)

We know that men achieve sexual arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (explicitly sexual images) and yet it is often implied that women’s sexual arousal arises from their loving emotions for their partner.

As if we are all as innocent as Snow White, it is rarely acknowledged that if women are to orgasm, they need to make conscious effort to occupy their minds with erotic thoughts (a process which happens much more subconsciously for the male mind).

Men’s minds become aroused so instantaneously that we gain the impression that physical stimulation alone gives them an erection (causes sexual arousal). Young men transition naturally to sex because the body of a real sexual partner substitutes for the images from pornographic magazines. Imagine being a woman, who approaches sex with no hint of an erection!

Women do not react as men do to the sight of naked images (even a lover’s body). This is why women don’t pay men to do lap-dancing, pole-dancing or other sexually provocative teasing using their bodies. Women’s fantasies work well when alone but can be difficult to relate to day-to-day sexual opportunities because they are often based on quite surreal erotic scenarios.

Clitoral stimulation

The only reason anyone would stimulate their genitals (casual curiosity aside) is because they know that with sufficient levels of sexual arousal, genital stimulation leads to orgasm. The average woman does not approach sex looking for clitoral stimulation because she is unlikely to be sexually aroused enough for genital stimulation to make sense.

A woman needs to know how to become mentally aroused before genital stimulation by anyone (either themselves or a partner) can be effective. For those women who do enjoy eroticism, there is a chance that they will explore their own sexual arousal enough to discover masturbation and to make the connection between genital stimulation (of the clitoris) and orgasm.

We know that women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm from female masturbation. But even during female masturbation, clitoral stimulation only works once a woman has achieved sufficient MENTAL AROUSAL by using sexual fantasies.

Even if a woman knows that she needs sexual fantasies to orgasm from female masturbation, she may well struggle with the same techniques during sex because of the mental focus required to reach orgasm through sexual fantasies alone.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

2 comments for “True female sexual arousal and orgasm

  1. Ben
    February 25, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    It is very simple and easy for any woman to reach orgasm with a partner (male). But very difficult if she does not like him. If only she wants, then stimulation will do the job.

    From experience the first stimulation should be the breast. Lightly kissing, licking and sucking the breast follow by harder sucking of the nipples but should not be too hard until it hurts. If you want to enjoy real fun, it takes some practice and observation to master this “simple” skill.

    Then comes the clitoral stimulation. Start by licking and then follow by lightly rubbing using the hand with some oil or water. Without that it might get hurts if you are older and less watery and when it is hurt, then there will be no more fun and not enjoyable anymore. This also need some practice to perfect the skill. This will make her jump up in great joy.

    And then finally the actual sexual intercourse which should be done in no hurry. I hope this way of sexual intercourse might help. From my experience, the dog style is the best position for any woman to reach orgasm. But you have to consider other situation like the man must be able to trust for long period to enable the woman to reach orgasm. In other position the woman may grab the man to prevent him from keep trusting when she is about to reach orgasm.

    I have been doing if for years with my partner. Hope this will help.

  2. Jane
    February 25, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Hi Ben, Thanks for commenting. It is worth noting that for most women:

    1) Breast stimulation does not lead to female orgasm (ref. Kinsey)
    2) Clitoral stimulation needs to be continued up to the point of orgasm (ref. Hite)
    3) The vagina is devoid of nerve endings and so masturbation (stimulation of the clitoris by woman or her parter) is likely to be a much easier source of female orgasms than intercourse (ref. Masters and Johnson)

    If you could encourage your partner to comment it would be much more valuable to other women. Since many women fake orgasm, it is vital that women contribute to this forum rather than their partners.

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