Ways Women Orgasm

Female masturbation

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As our bodies develop through puberty, young men and women become aware of themselves as very different sexual beings.

Boys have erections as early as 8 or 9. During puberty the penis increases substantially in size and becomes much more responsive to stimulation, both mental and physical. By the age of 12 or 13, most boys have learnt how to reach orgasm through masturbation.

There is no similar natural trigger for a girl to explore her own sexual arousal and discover how her genitals respond to physical stimulation. When girls reach puberty they get breasts and periods: body changes linked to women’s child-bearing role. So even today women often approach sex from the perspective of family and relationships.

“While women read romantic novels, men read pornography. While romance packages sex with love, fidelity and marriage, pornography packages sex with violence, possession and promiscuity. This means that women and men often have very different views of sex and what it is all about.” (p28 Woman’s Experience of Sex 1983)

Through masturbation boys learn how to use genital stimulation to bring a psychological state of sexual arousal to orgasm. Yet, against all logic, it is often implied that women can hope to orgasm during sex without the benefit of the same learning process.

Sometimes it is even suggested that there is some mysterious disadvantage to female masturbation. It’s not that women who do not masturbate have more success with sex but that, with no comparison, they have no reason to question their sexual experiences. Most women are not aiming for orgasm through genital stimulation so they interpret sexual relationships as ‘love-making’.

Female masturbation is relatively uncommon

The publicity given to women’s use of vibrators today leads many people to assume that every young woman masturbates. After ten years of talking to women in the UK, I now realise that female masturbation is relatively unusual. If female masturbation were common more women would empathise with men’s use of pornography because they would understand that anyone who masturbates needs to use a source of eroticism to achieve the kind of sexual arousal that leads to orgasm.

By the way, it’s never too late to learn. See how a woman can learn to masturbate. A woman needs the opportunity and privacy to explore her own body’s responses, usually during a period of being single. If they do discover masturbation to orgasm, women are typically in their twenties or thirties and often they have already had the experience of a sexual relationship.

Some women say that they find masturbation uninteresting or lacking in emotional context. I remember as a teenager occasionally experimenting by touching my body, in the bath for instance, just to see if anything sexual might happen. Of course it never did because women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic as a man’s tend to be.

Any ineffectual touching of a person’s genitals could be described as masturbation and little girls often touch themselves in this casual way. A better definition would be to describe masturbation as an activity where a person has at least the intention of enjoying sexual arousal and orgasm. Girls learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex.

On the positive side, female masturbation is an innocent pleasure that has no harmful side effects either for the individual or for the couple’s sexual relationship. Women can learn how to orgasm by combining a conscious mental focus on their sexual fantasies together with genital stimulation if they are provided with knowledge about their bodies and their sexual psychology.

Excerpt from Ways Women Orgasm (ISBN 978−095689−4700 published 2011)

2 comments for “Female masturbation

  1. im_ready
    March 29, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    My experience with masturbation started when I was about 11 or 12. I had been for some time touching myself, exploring what was “down there”. I had a larger life size tigger (from winnie the pooh) doll with a larger upright nose. I then experimented placing the tip of that nose in my vaginal area late at night when others were asleep. I did get some arousal mentally mixed with the movement of nose against my vaginal area, and surprisingly I got some form of orgasm. I did however, based on others views of masturbate, feel ashamed and a bit weird that I used a stuffed animal. many years later since those first experiments I still use a stuffed animals nose to simulate that area. Now I use porn as a mental simulation before using the animal. Now reading further on this site I see that it is normal (to my great relief) to use a pillow or stuffed animal to accomplish that. However porn only bring a slight arousal for me, and I usually spent too much time seeking for more arousal and loosing the bit I did have. I don’t think I have experienced full orgasm due to not being aroused to my full potential. I think some of this came from porn and how it really only offered a short term spark of arousal. I watch short movies finding that pictures don’t really do it for me. I understand why now though, and that porn is really more for mens’ use not women’s since we are simulated by complex erotic scripts, which makes since cause I have had my fair share of fantasies. But reading erotic books is something I really would like to try. I feel i do have a bit of understanding what triggers my mental arousal; being used for others pleasure. The thought of being controlled is so pleasing to me, and for the sake of orgasm, worth exploring. I’ll defiantly check out “The Story of O” and report my findings. I’m loving the positive environment here and being able to share my experiences as positive tools to better my pleasure, and possibly others.

    Thanks WWO, and thanks Jane for speaking up for lack of knowledge about female sexuality!

    -I’m ready

  2. Jane
    March 29, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    It would seem that women are more often turned on by words (stories) than by images. My conclusion is that women are much more psychological than physical in their approach to sex. Even for men though orgasm is not just about genital stimulation. The first step is mental arousal. So it’s vital to find a source that causes you to become mentally aroused enough for orgasm to be even possible.

    I suggest that you read as much erotic literature as you can without any pressure or agenda. Read a variety of different genres and authors. Don’t be put off a book just because you think it might be a bit shocking. Women get far too hung up about trying to keep sex sanitary.

    The whole point of sexual arousal is that it is caused by taboo activities: the more wierd and kinky – the more arousing in general. Of course, you might be lucky and get turned on by straight intercourse with your partner. But most women find they need to fantasise about rape, fellatio or bondage with surreal but sexually assertive strangers. None of these activities is necessarily arousing in real life – in fact, often the contrary.

    Of course, sex with a partner is often a very different proposition and many women are disappointed when they find that sex is not as arousing as when they use fantasy during masturbation. Sex with a partner though is vital to feeling like a sexual woman and having real-life sexual experiences to feed your fantasies.

    Shere Hite reported that many women use a pillow or other soft object for masturbation. Initially I used to stimulate my clitoris through my panties but fairly quickly I found that more direct contact was more stimulating. I think that women are often too hung up about hygiene issues but if you bathe regularly there is nothing dirty about touching your genitals directly.

    Women often experience orgasm only in one way and that is the way that they first learned. Women who only orgasm during intercourse using a position to maximise indirect clitoral stimulation (the politically correct way for a woman to orgasm) take years (perhaps ten or more) to discover orgasm. Since they do not masturbate, sex with a partner is their only opportunity to ever orgasm.

    If you don’t want to spend ten years or more waiting to experience orgasm, masturbation represents a much easier route but then you may be disappointed when orgasm with a partner is more difficult.

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