Ways Women Orgasm

Techniques women use to reach orgasm

I’m sure that men will under­stand the point. We express our sexu­ality through two basic phenomena:

  • Firstly, enjoying our own PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal by appre­ci­ating erot­i­cism; and
  • Secondly, bringing our sexual arousal to orgasm by PHYSICAL stim­u­la­tion of the genitals.

Yet many women are shocked by erot­i­cism (whether visual or verbal porno­graphy, erotica or the concept of sexual fantasy) and equally shocked by the idea of explicit clit­oral stim­u­la­tion (either female masturb­a­tion or oral sex — cunni­lingus). So how is it that they reach orgasm by any means?

Of the women who responded to Shere Hite’s ques­tion­naires (1976), 82% said that they masturb­ated and yet I have found very few women who masturbate. Most are offended by the sugges­tion that any woman would want to engage in clit­oral stim­u­la­tion under any circumstances.

Shere Hite was asking detailed ques­tions about how women reach orgasm. Natur­ally this biased the results of her surveys because it is only through female masturb­a­tion that a woman has the confid­ence to answer detailed ques­tions about orgasm.

A general failing of surveys is that they ask closed ques­tions like: Do you masturbate? Any woman who has ever put her hands anywhere near her genitals can justify ticking the box. Masturb­a­tion as an adult activity involves knowing how to become sexu­ally aroused enough so that genital stim­u­la­tion leads to orgasm. Female sexual arousal has to be CONSCIOUSLY generated.

Most women are unaware of the need for orgasm techniques

As a woman who has ques­tioned a lack of female orgasm during sex, I am told that other women find orgasm easy. The trouble is that the facts stand against this claim. Common sense tells us that (compared with the genital stim­u­la­tion that men need) the clit­oral stim­u­la­tion provided by vaginal inter­course is likely to be insuf­fi­cient for a woman to reach orgasm.

Women, whose sexual exper­i­ences are based purely on sex with a partner, often inter­pret sex in the light of emotional criteria. They are confused by other women’s ques­tions about orgasm because they think it is easily achieved. They believe that all you need is loving feel­ings for your partner and then you reach orgasm the first time and every time from vaginal intercourse.

BUT we are mixing apples with pears here.

Women who do not appre­ciate erot­i­cism, do not explore their sexual fantasies, do not masturbate and think that vaginal inter­course is the only accept­able sexual activity are unlikely to be able to advise women who, having explored their sexual arousal both alone and with a partner through a variety of activ­ities, ques­tion a lack of orgasm during sex.

The phrase ‘orgasm tech­niques’ sounds fancy but only means getting turned-on and then knowing how to orgasm by stim­u­lating our genitals. Men also use orgasm tech­niques because (even for men) orgasm does not simply drop out of a tree.

A woman, who can masturbate to orgasm, may advise other women to learn how to masturbate because masturb­a­tion is the starting point for under­standing our own sexual arousal and how to achieve orgasm. Many of these women might hope that they will learn one day how to do the same with a partner but this is very different to saying that it is easy to achieve.

“… the fact remains that the tech­niques of masturb­a­tion usually offer the female the most specific and quickest means for achieving orgasm. For this reason masturb­a­tion has provided the most clearly inter­pretable data which we have on the anatomy and the physiology of the female’s sexual responses and orgasm.” (p132 Sexual beha­vior in the human female 1953)

Men’s sexual exper­i­ences are much more straight­for­ward. Women’s exper­i­ences are taboo because of lack of under­standing. Women rarely compare notes even on masturb­a­tion let alone how they succeed with trans­fer­ring orgasm tech­niques to sex.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

1 comment for “Techniques women use to reach orgasm

  1. Leo
    December 8, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    doing a great job, for all and women partic­ular, all the best.

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