Ways Women Orgasm

Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction

It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this is simply the way things are for women who hope for orgasm from their sexual relationships. A woman is lucky to orgasm by any means.

The belief that women orgasm ‘naturally’ during sex is based on fantasy (erotica and pornography) and contradicts the conclusions of the scientific researchers.

“In fact, for over 70 per cent of women, intercourse – the penis thrusting in the vagina – did not regularly lead to orgasm. … In other words, not to have orgasm from intercourse is the experience of the majority of women.” (p35 The Hite Reports 1993)

Some people suggest that lack of orgasm is not a problem or that it is unimportant. This may be true for women who never masturbate because they never know what orgasm is.

But for women who are familiar with orgasm from masturbation, it is frustrating to be told that female orgasm is unimportant when there is so much sympathy for men’s sexual performance problems and so much insistence that women should orgasm during sex.

Women need to be told the facts:

“This means that something between 36 and 44 per cent of the females in the sample had responded to orgasm in a part but not in all of their coitus in marriage.

About one-third of those females had responded only a small part of the time, another third had responded more or less half of the time, and the other third had responded a major portion of the time, even though it was not a hundred per cent of the time.” (p375 Sexual behavior in the human female 1953)

Intercourse is not designed to facilitate female orgasm

Anyone, male or female, whether alone or with a partner, uses genital stimulation to take a state of mental arousal to orgasm. So during masturbation a man stimulates his penis and a woman stimulates her clitoris.

Psychological arousal arises from an appreciation of eroticism and is the most important factor in enjoying our sexuality since without it genital stimulation is ineffective. During masturbation a man uses EROTIC IMAGES (pornography) for psychological sexual arousal and a woman uses EROTIC SCENARIOS (sexual fantasies).

If a woman wants to experience orgasm during sex, she needs to ensure that:

  • (1) she obtains the DIRECT clitoral stimulation needed for orgasm (manual or oral); and
  • (2) she finds a way to incorporate her fantasies into her sexual relationship with a partner.

Men are lucky because (since male orgasm/ejaculation is required for reproduction) intercourse naturally provides both the penile stimulation and the visual turn-on of a sexual partner’s naked body that they need for orgasm. The surreal nature of women’s sexual fantasies makes them much more difficult to map onto a woman’s real life sexual relationship.

Some women find that their mind-based sexual fantasies are unsuitable for use with a partner. An alternative is for a woman to enjoy her own sexual arousal by using her sexual fantasies to inspire a wider variety of physical sex play with a partner.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

2 comments for “Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction

  1. Guy P.
    September 5, 2017 at 9:31 am

    I’m not quite sure how to respond to this. I do acknowledge (and have had direct experience) that the problem does exist, but unless the women I have known persistently, consistently and convincingly lied about what they were experiencing then I don’t believe the problem is as widespread as you clearly do. As a result, I find myself disagreeing with most of your theories and conclusions.

    Given your resource is directed at making woman who are “O”-deprived feel better because they are not alone, I don’t believe it would be terribly helpful if I give a substantially contrary viewpoint – I’m sure they get quite enough of that “at home”.

  2. Jane
    September 5, 2017 at 10:37 am

    Sex is, for many people, a highly emotional subject. I am attempting to bring some objectivity by talking about the research findings and by presenting some logical analysis to highlight the contradictions and anomalies in how we assume women should be able to orgasm with a lover.

    The vast majority of people prefer to keep their own emotional beliefs rather than enter into any informed discussion. Of course they are perfectly entitled to do this. I am not on a crusade to convince everyone. I can only hope to help those who have questions.

    Pornography and women who fake orgasm (or who are easily satisfied because they expect little from their sex life) are understandably confusing for men. I am pointing out that very few women are willing to explain these orgasms that their partners believe they are having.

    Naturally if a couple is happy with what they have then they don’t have a problem. I am simply pointing out to anyone who does not have this experience (significant numbers of men and women do ask about female orgasm) that unrealistic expectations do not help anyone.

    Men should focus on pleasuring a partner (regardless of orgasm) by finding out what aspects of sex and intimacy she enjoys. Naturally this involves making effort and many men may prefer to stick to the old routine of intercourse-to-male-orgasm.

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