Overall my partner and I have been lucky to have enjoyed exploring erot­i­cism and sex play together. Sure we have had our ups and downs like anyone else.

There have also been many positive moments. When I am in a romantic mood, perhaps after a movie or after spending compan­ion­able time with my partner, it can be the most exhil­ar­ating exper­i­ence to enjoy passionate kissing while having sex.

There are also times when I feel espe­cially tuned into my sexual fantasies and I want to have adven­turous sex with my partner. It is a real luxury to approach sex with a man totally without embar­rass­ment so I can ask him to do whatever I want.

We have had some sexy week­ends away. One time I set out to join Peter, trav­el­ling by train from London to an Oxford­shire village. I decided to get in the mood by reading one of my erotic novels. It was a great turn-on, reading about sex while surrounded by strangers.

Peter was happy to oblige when we arrived at the hotel. Straight inter­course can be pleas­ur­able as a ‘quickie’ when I am already aroused. We knew that we had the whole weekend ahead of us so it was great to approach sex more frivol­ously than normal.

Another time we flew out to Prague in winter and got cosy straight­away in the hotel room. Peter ran a bath while I lay on the bed reading an erotic story. After bathing with some fellatio thrown in, I lay on the bed still reading while Peter touched me up.

I keep reading until the sensa­tions cause me to want to focus on my own sexual arousal.

Sharing erot­i­cism and sensual massage

We have also had holi­days (when the chil­dren were taken care of in activ­ities) where we have retired to bed after lunch each day to have a couple of hours sleep and some sex. I relaxed while my partner gave me an erotic massage.

There was no goal of orgasm for me because at the time I only enjoyed arousal during sex. I have enjoyed the sensa­tions of having my clit­oral area (up and over the hood of the clit­oris) stroked. We would finish with vaginal inter­course: either with my partner on top or beside me so he could continue stroking my clit­oris while penet­rating my vagina with his penis from behind.

We spent a number of summers sailing in Turkey. Peter liked me to go topless as we sailed along the coast for lunch at a beach restaurant. Holi­days have provided an oppor­tunity for us to spend some quality intimate time together.

We notice that other couples often go on holiday with friends: the men engage on activ­ities while the women shop or read by the pool. We often wondered why other couples did not appear to make time for a siesta and some sex play during their holiday.

“Some couples find it easy to talk and share together, to explore different ways of making love and discover what each wants. Women who describe this kind of rela­tion­ship often comment on its quality as a whole, rather than just its sexual aspects.” (p121 Woman’s Exper­i­ence of Sex)

Over more than twenty years of our rela­tion­ship, we do not see other couples with an intimacy we envy. No doubt there are other couples who have regular sex and enjoy talking together. But it’s rare. We are happy with what we have.

So when I am told that every couple out there is enjoying an idyllic sex life, I have to wonder. Most middle-aged couples we come across are rarely even intimate with each other. Perhaps we live a quiet life but swingers are, in any case, only on an ego trip.