In pursuit of know­ledge and under­standing of sexual arousal, I went to a large news­agent in London’s Oxford Street to review the covers of fifty or more porno­graphic magazines lined up on the top shelf. Over 90% were directed towards hetero­sexual men. Most of the remainder was male homo­sexual porno­graphy. The few porno­graphic magazines for women were for lesbians.

Although porno­graphy is labelled ‘adult’ as if this is a unisex indul­gence, the truth is that the vast majority of women never engage on the subject. Censor­ship protects not only minors but also the many adult women who are disgusted and offended by men’s enjoy­ment of the physical.

Offi­cially, human sexu­ality is always presented in terms of a rela­tion­ship. This allows male and female sexu­ality to be viewed purely through social liaisons and repro­duc­tion. Little import­ance is placed on the massive sex industry because of the taboo over men paying women for sex.

The British magazine ‘Men’s Health’ (March 2000) refers to men’s ‘secret porn stash’. Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy and men buy porno­graphy because (in the absence of the real thing) they need assist­ance with releasing their sexual frus­tra­tion caused by their daily arousal.

“After thinking about sex every six seconds for six days, men are begin­ning to need to do some­thing about it.” (p15 The Bluffer’s Guide to Men 1998)

Younger men can make do with masturb­a­tion (some­times as much as two or three times a day) for days at a time but even­tu­ally (usually by the weekend!) they want to engage in some real action. If men were happy to masturbate indef­in­itely as a substi­tute for sex then there really would be a chance that the human race could die out! Men may find thrusting during penet­rative sex to be the most satis­fying way of releasing their sexual emotions simply because nature intended it that way.

Men’s sexual fantasies map onto reality more easily than women’s

Perhaps it is worth stating the obvious that men do not reach orgasm simply through looking at images of the female form. In their minds, they also need to contem­plate what they would like to be doing with a sexual partner.

Men have a much easier time, than women typic­ally do, of trans­fer­ring orgasm tech­niques to sex. On the phys­ical side, the vagina may not grip the penis as firmly as a hand but the penis is still directly stim­u­lated. Equally men’s sexual fantasies map fairly easily onto a real life sexual encounter. Instead of looking at pictures of naked women, a man now has the real thing in front of him.

“Reality and fantasy are further apart for women than for men …” (p179 Satis­fac­tion Guar­an­teed 1996)

Initially, the turn-on of a new sexual partner is enough for a man to reach orgasm without any further assist­ance. However, over time men also use sexual fantasies to help them through more routine sex by visu­al­ising more adven­turous sexual episodes.

“ … people who report most guilt about having fantasies during inter­course have higher levels of sexual dissat­is­fac­tion and dysfunc­tion than those who are relat­ively guilt-free.” (p417 Human Sexu­ality (fifth edition) 1995)

Since a woman is not biolo­gic­ally driven to reach orgasm, she approaches sex appre­ci­ating how her body causes a man to become sexu­ally aroused. A woman enjoys her own sexual arousal by focusing on fantasies that revolve around imagining a man’s desire to enjoy her body sexu­ally and to penet­rate her (take her). Women’s sexual psycho­logy is natur­ally tuned into being on the receiving (as opposed to initi­ating) end of sex. So women get turned on by the idea of things being done to them.