Imagine the scenario: a woman, wearing a skirt and no panties, climbs a ladder. A man below enjoys a clear view of her genitals. Imagine now that the genders are reversed: my point is that a woman is unlikely to appreciate the view in the same way that a man does.
Of course, someone will always disagree. A man said: “It depends from woman to woman, because if they want a quickie they like to take a look at your nakedness. “Drop your pants” was an order I got from a girlfriend once in Brisbane who was a Buddhist, when she saw the size of me she stripped and said ‘try to satisfy me — you are very big’ and I did. Second time I got that order was before I married in Tagbilaran. My now wife laid down and said: ”Let’s see how big you are — the bigger the better”, that was before we got married and she went mad for me.”
Men must think that women were born yesterday. Of course a sexually experienced woman appreciates the turn-on for a man if she emulates male sexual reactions. It is also a fact that many women fake orgasm.
“It is difficult for most males to comprehend that females are not aroused by seeing male genitalia. Some males never come to comprehend this.” (p657 Sexual behavior in the human female — 1953)
Women can enjoy many aspects of physical intimacy with a lover but we are not automatically aroused, the way men are, because our bodies are not full of the sex hormone, testosterone. Equally, we don’t get a hard-on (clitoral erection) by looking at male nudity: even the body and genitals of our partner. Otherwise women would pay for sex and the sight of the male body more than they do. No doubt there are women who pay for a male lap– or pole-dancer but, I think we all know, most would not.
If we are to accept the facts of female sexuality, we need to leave the sexual fantasy and look around the real world. Men may be able to imagine that sexually attractive young women are always on the brink of orgasm. But what about other women?
Do we think that a stunning man enjoys sex more or is more sexually driven than an ugly man? No. Even if a man is middle-aged, ugly, pigeon-chested or has a pot-belly, we know that he is just as likely to masturbate or pay for sex as the next guy. Similarly we know that, regardless of her looks, very few heterosexual women masturbate and almost none pay for sex.
Logic tells us that heterosexual women’s sexuality is the same whatever the age or attractiveness of the woman. The rest is just part of the sexual game that men fall for. After all, men and women play for different stakes — who pays the bill, for example?
Some people believe the sexual fantasy regardless of the evidence: “I must shake my head in wonder as to what women you have spent time with (or possibly they are VERY, very, young women who have not yet discovered their own sexuality). An older woman, say 30 to 55, is easily aroused. A well built man on a beach can absolutely stimulate a woman without her knowing him. Women are quite willing to ‘act like a whore’ in the bedroom and enjoy it, and as well they should, to the fullest.”
Women who take a pro-active sexual role are described as acting ‘like a whore’ precisely because not every woman behaves in this way. Few heterosexual men are paid for sex because men tend to be enthusiastic about sex whatever the circumstances.
Women are more concerned about commitment and trust than about orgasm. Presumably this is why is it so often suggested that women’s sexual arousal depends on her relationship with a lover or on the love-making skills of a particular lover.
Men have a much stronger sex drive than women so they want sex regardless of whether they are in a relationship. Men can enjoy sex with any attractive woman, even a prostitute. Also for many men, the only way they can enjoy the delights of oral sex, for example, is by paying because most wives and girlfriends are not willing to engage on such explicitly sexual activities.
The website ‘GoAskAlice!’ is one of the few sources that acknowledges Shere Hite’s conclusion that women are likely to find orgasm difficult without clitoral stimulation.
Read on: No orgasm with intercourse
I have to disagree with the comment of a woman’s arousal and the ease of achiving orgasm. Maybe I am one of the lucky women out there that is in touch with her sexual being. I get sexually aroused by my husband just by looking at him without his shirt, the words that he uses with me, and by the attention that he gives to me. Also I have I believe a easy time in obtaining an orgasm or two with my husband.
Thank you so much for commenting – you are very brave!
Women who approach sex through their relationship with their partner often comment that arousal is easy. This can be misleading because we are, in fact, talking about quite different experiences.
Women are not automatically aroused, the way men are, because our bodies are not full of the sex hormone, testosterone. Equally, we do not have a physical reaction (we don’t get a hard-on) to looking at the male naked form: even the body and genitals of our partner.
Men have much stronger sexual urges than women. Men masturbate regularly from a young age (pre-teens) and enjoy sexual pleasure outside a relationship through pornography, pole-dancing/lap-dancing bars etc. Women’s minds and bodies just do not respond in the same way.
Women who talk about sexual arousal in terms of their feelings for their partner (sometimes called ‘emotional orgasms’) often do not masturbate because they do not see the point of sexual activity outside a loving relationship. Loving feelings are very pleasant especially in a new relationship when we are completely in love with our partner but orgasm is a very different sensation.
Achieving orgasm involves using genital stimulation (of the clitoris) to bring a mental and physical state of arousal to orgasm. Women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm, so it is much easier for a woman to orgasm during masturbation or oral sex than through intercourse.
Women who appreciate eroticism learn how to use sexual fantasies during masturbation to reach orgasm. Women’s innate levels of arousal are much lower than a man’s. We don’t get spontaneous hard-on’s, for example, first thing in the morning as men do. So women, who orgasm with a partner, also tend to use fantasy during sex.
A woman is only familiar with this kind of physical orgasm if she has masturbated. If you do already masturbate, then it would be useful to know how easy you found it to transfer your orgasm techniques from masturbation to sex with a partner. Many women struggle with this.
I wish you and your partner all the best for your intimate time together. Take a look at my site if you are curious about learning about women’s experiences of sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner.
No, women do not have hard-ons in the morning. However, women’s nipples do get hard when aroused, and yes this can happen from looking at the naked male form. Women also emit moisture when aroused. Orgasm also may be achieved from the g-spot along with clitorol stimulation. Orgasm in not just achieved with clitorol stimulation or with fantasy.
I have been with my husband for 22 years, and we still have sex every time that we can get. Both of us were virgins when we married, and both learned together what each other enjoyed. Masturbation is not an acceptable form of release and should only be used as a stimulator with other forms that are allowed between husband and wife.
My husband has always made sure that I achieved at least two orgasms during an interlude together, maybe because he enjoyed my pleasure and maybe because of the emotional attachment that he has for me. I am sorry that you have not experienced this gratification for yourself and I wish you the best of luck. You might also look into the kamasutra book. This book was given to myself when I married and it helped both of us quite a lot.
You seem to have done a lot of reading. I wonder why women so often quote generalisations such as G-spot orgasms rather than talking about how they personally reach orgasm with a partner. I suspect that without the experience of masturbation that a woman cannot know how to go about achieving orgasm.
Even men need eroticism (porn or body of a partner) for arousal and genital stimulation for orgasm. I don’t understand why people think that women can achieve non-genital orgasms when men don’t.
Basically every man masturbates. It is a fact because a man cannot walk around all day with a hard on. It would be too uncomforable and embarrassing (as well as very distracting!). Have you seen the film ’40 days and 40 nights’ (2002)? It talks about a man giving up masturbation for lent and how impossible every man think that would be to do.
I appreciate your enthusiasm but without the experience of masturbation it is impossible to tell if we are talking about the same experience (and I suspect we are not). Women use sexual fantasy during masturbation (this is why women don’t buy porn) and without the same mechanism during sex, I don’t see how they can get turned on enough to orgasm with a partner.