When I was 21, I met an Italian boy of the same age during a stay in Rome. Alfredo cared about how he dressed and would often check his appearance in the mirror.

I teased him because I had always been taught that personal vanity was undesirable. Alfredo wore designer sunglasses in the day but one evening as we were going out, I saw that he was wearing eye make-up. First I thought it odd but quickly realised how straight I was being.

After all, film stars wear make-up. I decided that it was a compliment and a turn-on that the man I was going out with had gone to the effort of making himself attractive. It’s a shame that more men don’t spend time and money on making the most of their looks.

Most men would benefit from a complete make-over of their wardrobe by a woman friend. Start with some sexy underwear and nightwear. Buy some figure hugging tee shirts for wearing under shirts: worn open at the neck. Make sure you have a smart jacket and designer jeans as a minimum for dates.

Heterosexual men often assume that it is only women who need to attract a lover. Dressing attractively is strongly associated with women and gays (who both dress to attract men), so many straight men see their disregard for their looks as a sign of their masculinity.

Heterosexual men don’t dress up because women’s sexual arousal does not arise from the provocative display of a lover’s body as men’s does. However by dressing sexily a man can acknowledge the effort that his woman makes for him. Naturally a man needs to work on getting rid of any beer gut first!

I have never felt it necessary to dress in a sexually provocatively way. I am lucky to be naturally attractive so I have never had a problem being able to attract the men I want. Men don’t always appreciate women’s use of make-up and my male lovers have been pleased that I don’t wear it. I didn’t see the point in encouraging yet more passing compliments and advances from men.

Consequently I am always amazed when women claim to be unaware of the effect that the sight of their body can have on a man. Perhaps they have difficulty understanding because women do not become sexually aroused (get an erection) at the sight of a naked male body. In fact, most women probably prefer to see a man dressed in a style that indicates his social status, for example: James Bond in black tie evening suit and Richard Gere in naval uniform in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ (1982).

As an attractive woman you get a great deal of attention when you look good. It’s not just men that notice. So when a woman dresses provocatively it is more about competing with other women according to feminine values of attractiveness than about appealing sexually to men. For example, men would not necessarily define their ideal woman in line with the fashion industry.

Some women do dress in order to attract male attention but they still expect to be able to select the man they want. Men often assume that women are indicating a general enthusiasm for sexual pleasure. This tendency for men to misinterpret women’s motivations explains why, in more conservative societies, women cover up their bodies more than we do in the West.

Men often assume that women respond as men do but male sexuality is very different to female sexuality. Women are not fascinated by genitals, either their own or those of the opposite sex. After puberty, men’s sexual reaction to nudity is so strong that they have new associations with genitals. For women, the connection with going to the bathroom remains into adulthood.

Society today is not as liberated as some people assume. When I asked a young female doctor for information about female sexuality, she was simply dumbfounded. I was truly depressed when a male doctor referred me to the family planning library in London. The focus was on women’s child-bearing role but had nothing on women’s sexuality in terms of enjoying orgasm.

Women are strongly associated with providing men with sexual pleasure as portrayed in pornography so the idea that women might enjoy their own sexual arousal is still quite shocking to many people (despite Kinsey’s findings in the 1950s).

3 Comments »

1. ….now you tell me all that…and all of this time i thought that i was liked because of my brains !!!

   Comment by Ibrahim_mahmood — May 12, 2010 @ 6:06 pm

2. It depends from woman to woman, because if they want a quickie they like to take a look at your nakedness. Drop your pants was an order I got from a girlfriend once in Brisbane who was a Buddhist, when she saw the size of me she stripped and said try to satisfy me you are very big and I did.

   Second time I got that order was before I married in Tagbilaran. My now wife laid down and said, let’s see how big you are, the bigger the better, that was before we got married and she went mad for me.

   Comment by mllovric — May 12, 2010 @ 6:46 pm

3. Remember – I am talking about the AVERAGE woman. Of course, there are women who appreciate physical intimacy with a lover. But take it from me – women’s minds and bodies do not respond sexually as men’s do.

   Otherwise women would pay for sex and the sight of the male body more than they do. Again I’m not saying that no woman would pay for a male lap- or pole-dancer but only that most would not.

   Of course, the more sexually experienced a woman is, the more she appreciates male turn-ons. A woman plays the sexual tease as well as emulating male sexual reactions in order to assist with her partner’s arousal.

   Comment by Jane — May 12, 2010 @ 7:18 pm

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