Ways Women Orgasm

Bluffers, fakers and sex surveys

Pam, an attractive woman in her late forties, told me that she had never had a problem with sexual arousal and orgasm. She started masturbating at the age of eight and after thirty years with the same man, she was still enjoying orgasmic sex as she had done from day one.

Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic for reasons of anatomy if nothing else – the clitoris is not directly stimulated during intercourse. So it is difficult to know how to respond to someone who suggests that fantasy sex is a reality for them. The implication is that the rest of us have gone badly wrong somewhere!

In an attempt to identify some specifics of her sexual experiences, I asked Pam when she experienced orgasm. She replied that the timing of her orgasm was ‘a moving feast’ and that she could orgasm before, during or after intercourse.

“Even Sharon Stone admits that she did women a disservice in ‘Basic Instinct’ by suggesting that they could reach orgasm in about 30 seconds flat. This is just not how the female body works, and anyone who suggests otherwise is either a good actress, deluded or blessed by the gods.” (p17 The Bluffer’s Guide to Women 1998)

Are these women bluffing or are they just incredibly lucky? If this approach works for you then definitely stick with it!

Fantasy sex where orgasms just happen

I was interested to find out some more details in order to find parallels with other women’s experiences. However, Pam replied that sex was not a subject that could be analysed. She suggested that orgasms just happened naturally, flowing from the passion of the sexual act.

People get away with claiming complete nonsense about sex just because no one challenges the common sense of their assertions. As many women never experience real female orgasms they can bluff and be bluffed surprisingly easily.

For example, eight-year-old girls may touch their genitals innocently but this is very different to the kind of adult sexual activity that leads to orgasm. Most women never compare masturbation with sex because they never learn to masturbate to orgasm in the first place. They assume that sexual arousal and orgasm must come from the emotional aspects of a loving relationship.

I asked Pam whether she had continued to masturbate. She replied that masturbation was ‘but a sneeze’ compared with the orgasms she enjoyed with her partner. Men continue to masturbate throughout their lives but women often imply that the emotional rewards of a sexual relationship replace any need to masturbate.

We all draw different conclusions from our sexual experiences. After thirty years in a relationship, Pam told me that she could not recall even one serious argument. She and her partner bickered endlessly about trivial matters but had never fallen out over anything serious (even though they had raised children together).

This experience is so different from my own, or that of other couples I have observed, that it is easy to react cynically. Perhaps Pam’s idea of bickering was my idea of a full-scale war. However, let’s be generous and allow that anything is possible, even the ‘perfect’ match. One explanation for this anomaly could be that the couple place few demands on each other.

Presumably, for a fortunate few, the erotic stories describing the overwhelming sexual arousal that fictional women have from vaginal penetration are a reality. For the rest of us these stories remain in the realm of fiction – frankly unachievable.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

2 comments for “Bluffers, fakers and sex surveys

  1. Amelia C.
    March 7, 2017 at 10:06 am

    Hello
    Human sexuality is a fascinating topic & I’d love to help with your research! 🙂

    I am a 21 yr old (22 in June) female. I’m bisexual, but have only had male partners thus far. I’ve experienced orgasm through masturbation alone & with a partner. I’ve had 4 sex partners. With the 1st 2 I did not experience orgasm through intercourse, but my partners would manually stimulate my genitals after intercourse in order for me to achieve orgasm. With my 3rd partner, I managed to orgasm during intercourse by manually stimulating my clitoris while having intercourse “doggy style”.
    (I prefer penetration & clitoral stimulation simultaneously, as it’s the most reliable way for me to achieve orgasm, along with foreplay & other touching of course).

    With my 4th & current partner, I’ve discovered a way to orgasm during intercourse w/o manual stimulation of my clitoris. With me on top, I grind forward & backward on his body while he penetrates me, thus stimulating my clitoris while also feeling the penetration I also enjoy. We typically stimulate each others’ nipples & kiss, nibble earlobes, grab & touch each other as well, during the intercourse. We’ve even managed to orgasm simultaneously this way a few times (however, the most often outcome is one of us orgasming slightly before the other, but it isn’t a problem).
    If I am somehow unable to orgasm this way (which occasionally happens) or if I would just enjoy some more stimulation (& possibly more orgasms) I lie down and he fingers me while I touch my breasts/grab his legs/bite my fingers. I orgasm this way reliably as well.

    Like I mentioned, I’ve orgasmed alone through manual stimulation & with sex toys, but I prefer having sex with my partner. The emotional connection is wonderful. I love seeing the pleasure I give him & seeing how much he enjoys giving me pleasure as well. The bonding nature of it gives me much more pleasure than solo activity does.

    As for psychological stimuli or fantasy that you mentioned, I don’t really fantasize much during the act. I really just think about the physical sensations & the logistics of it (like readjusting my position). During sex my brain is actually almost “drunk” in a way. I have trouble speaking intelligibly. I make a lot of sounds, but I don’t say many actual words (unless I really need to use my words, like suggesting changing position or asking for a specific thing that I’m unable to communicate through body language).

    Hope this helps!

  2. Jane
    March 7, 2017 at 11:47 am

    Thanks Amelia. I am really defining orgasm as a response to eroticism in the brain. So I wouldn’t count your experiences as orgasm. Sounds like you have fun though!

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