In response to my suggestion that it was ridiculous to suggest that a man can give a woman an orgasm, a man wrote:
“My wife is consistently orgasmic. They are obviously not faked. She can’t fake the cries, the involuntary movements, the demands for more stimulation, and everything else that goes with orgasm.
I’ve offered oral and manual stimulation. She rejects oral because she considers it unhygienic and a short cut for those who lack skills to do it the regular way. She demands my penis as soon as I have an erection. She orgasms through penile thrusting. …
I admit I have not had as much variety as a lot of men have had, but the three women with whom I have had sex have demanded a penis. Judging from the intensity of their orgasms, they’ve been very satisfied and would have it no other way. My wife tells me she lets me caress her to orgasm with my fingers only for my enjoyment. She prefers an orgasm with my penis.”
Why is a man with this experience reading my stories in the first place? I am not doubting that men have these experiences that read like erotic fiction. I am interested in discussing any LOGICAL EXPLANATIONS for how women are supposed to achieve female orgasm given the FACTS of female sexuality. Even men need psychological arousal and genital stimulation for orgasm.
“In most females the walls of the vagina are devoid of end organs of touch and are quite insensitive when they are gently stroked or lightly pressed. For most individuals the insensitivity extends to every part of the vagina. … This insensitivity of the vagina has been recognized by gynaecologists who regularly probe and do surface operations in this area without using anaesthesia.” (p580 Sexual behavior in the human female 1953)
The clitoris is the female sex organ
The vagina (as part of the birth canal) has little sensitivity. To come across even one woman who can feel sensations in a part of the body with few nerve endings would be weird but to come across three such women is positively suspicious.
Why would anyone who is hoping for orgasm ignore their own sex organ? It doesn’t make sense. Why are men so ready to accept that although they need penile stimulation in order to orgasm, women easily orgasm without any genital stimulation?
A woman’s sex organ is the clitoris (which has many nerve endings) and if women experienced true sexual arousal then they would want to stimulate their genitals (through clitoral stimulation) just as men do. Women approach sex with a focus on the penis and penile thrusting because male sexual arousal is much easier to achieve.
For years I was convinced that vaginal intercourse MUST work. Even though my own experience told me that it did not. Even knowing that clitoral stimulation is required for female orgasm did not help because nothing seemed to work with a partner.
“During eighteen years of marriage, we did everything but stand on our heads, but there were few orgasms for me … Masturbation has always worked.” (p250 The Hite Report 1976)
Clitoral stimulation alone does not guarantee orgasm because genital stimulation is only effective once a person is mentally aroused. Anyone who is familiar with orgasm will appreciate this point. If you cannot get turned-on in your mind then it doesn’t matter how much you stimulate your genitals – nothing will happen. This is why men need an erection before they can orgasm.
Even when I knew how to orgasm from female masturbation, I did not consider using the same orgasm techniques during sex. Many women find that sex with a lover is incompatible with using sexual fantasies.
Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)