An erec­tion might feel good but it is likely to be a disad­vantage if a man wants to devote time to pleas­uring a woman. After all, two minutes is a typical time given for a man to reach orgasm!

A man can learn tech­niques for slowing his arousal and increasing the time he takes to orgasm by investing private time during masturbation.

“Basic­ally, a man needs about two or three minutes of stim­u­la­tion to have an orgasm. It is gener­ally a very simple process, as easy as shaking up a can of beer and then letting it pop!

If a woman is to have an orgasm, she gener­ally needs about ten times that amount of time. She needs twenty to thirty minutes of fore­play and stim­u­la­tion of her genitals.” (p63 Mars & Venus in the Bedroom 1995)

There are various ways to spice up your sex life. Start your sex sessions with a quickie in the shower (get your partner to lather you and either masturbate or suck you off) and then retire to the bedroom to return the favour by investing some quality time in pleas­uring your woman. The worst thing that might happen is that you could come a second time but there’s no pressure!

Use of fingers and some back-up sex toys will ensure that you are never caught unpre­pared! If you invest in one accessory for your sex life (apart from condoms, of course, if required) then make it a profes­sional lubricant from any decent sex shop. Fore­play tech­niques are useful but remember that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies.

“‘You’re a lousy lover!’ she said. ‘How can you tell that in two minutes?’ he asked.” (p116 Why men don’t listen 1999)

Sexual arousal changes over time

Penet­rative sex is the greatest turn-on to both sexes but relies entirely on the man’s sexual arousal. If a man offers it from the first moment of a sexual encounter (or five seconds later), a woman never has time to feel that it would be nice to have.

Women’s sexual arousal is less auto­matic and so subject to more misun­der­standing than men’s. But if a woman learns how to enjoy her own sexual arousal and orgasm, it is more likely that she will be willing to invest in her sex life with a partner over the longer-term. A man should focus on sensual pleas­uring rather than insisting that his woman orgasms from his efforts.

“ … by 50 as much as half the male popu­la­tion lacks the testosterone that would give them the kind of sex drive young men have early in the morning.” (Duncan Gould and Richard Petty of the Well-Man Clinic London, The Times 24^th March 2000).

Sex can become more rewarding over time: just as men slow down and become slightly less preoc­cu­pied with their own need for orgasm, a woman’s clit­oris becomes slightly less sens­itive so that her partner’s touch is more effective.

“Men are frequently unaware that, though the source of a woman’s pleasure may be the size of a peanut, it is armed with all the sens­it­ivity of a six-inch penis. The degree of delicacy in approaching such a minute hand grenade can take years to get right. Until that time arrives, many women would rather read a good book.” (p19 The Bluffer’s Guide to Women 1998)

Even today people still refer to ‘vaginal orgasms’ as if women who exper­i­ence orgasm through vaginal inter­course have a different source for their orgasms. The FACTS are that the vagina has very few nerve endings but the clit­oris has many.