Sexual desire is asso­ci­ated with ‘sex drive’. The male sex drive is a man’s biolo­gical drive to procreate by thrusting into a woman’s vagina until ejac­u­la­tion (usually co-incident with male orgasm).

Before the sexual revolu­tion a woman was seen to have a comple­mentary (not identical) sexual role to men in terms of accepting a man’s sexual advances. So a woman could be the object of a man’s sexual desire but it was rare to describe a man as the object of a woman’s desire.

“Among single females who were actu­ally masturb­ating, the average indi­vidual was reaching orgasm about once in every two and a half to three weeks. … We shall find that this is more or less true of the frequen­cies of several other types of female activity and of the total sexual outlet of single females. This is one of the most remark­able aspects of female sexu­ality, and one which most sharply distin­guishes it from the sexu­ality of the male. Hormonal factors may be involved. (p144-145 Sexual beha­vior in the human female 1953)

Kinsey’s report in 1953 high­lighted that women were capable of orgasm. His report also concluded that women were less sexu­ally responsive than men. Never­the­less, it became popular belief that women exper­i­enced sexual desire, sexual arousal and orgasm as natur­ally and easily as men.

This conclu­sion led to increased pres­sure on women to fake orgasm. It also led to the modern so-called female sexual ‘dysfunc­tions’ such as anor­gasmia, preor­gasmia and diffi­culties with low sexual desire, lack of sexual arousal and lack of orgasm during sex.

Sex has been designed phys­ic­ally and psycho­lo­gic­ally to favour male sexual arousal and orgasm. This is no acci­dent. The key repro­ductive act is male ejac­u­la­tion (usually co-incident with male orgasm) inside a woman’s vagina. So Nature ensures that men have the best satis­fac­tion from penet­rative sex and through penile thrusting to orgasm.

Men are bigger and stronger than women because Nature intends our roles to be comple­mentary not the same. Nature also ensures that, at the end of the day, men can win the sexual game. Women’s sexual role is to attract a man and cause him to become sexu­ally aroused. The man is then able to use his resulting erec­tion to impreg­nate a woman through thrusting. The woman’s sexual role is to assist with the man’s sexual arousal and to accom­modate his needs to allow him to orgasm.

Vaginal inter­course is designed for making babies not for maxim­ising women’s chances of enjoying sexual pleasure. However, many women still prefer vaginal inter­course because it allows them to parti­cipate in sexual activity with a partner without any explicit sexual engage­ment e.g. oral sex and mutual masturb­a­tion not only involve more work but are more expli­citly sexual.

Female orgasm is irrel­evant to repro­duc­tion so it is likely to be coun­ter­pro­ductive for women to be actively insisting on their own sexual arousal during sex. Nature’s design is for a man’s orgasm to be his top priority but for orgasm to be much less vital to a woman. This explains why most women are shocked by erot­i­cism and almost never pay for sexual pleasure.

Orgasm advice for women today is not only vague but also falls back on suggesting that women are trying too hard or that orgasm is not important. This advice is hardly intended for men. The fact is that the majority of women are not motiv­ated to enjoy their own orgasm either alone or with a partner because they never discover how their own sexual arousal works.

Sexual arousal occurs when the mind tunes into erotic thoughts or images and is accom­panied by an increase of blood flow to the genitals. The erectile organ for a man is the penis and for a woman it is the clit­oris. Men become easily erect when aroused but even when masturb­ating to orgasm a woman has much less conscious aware­ness of her erection.

Sex, vaginal inter­course in partic­ular, has not been designed to facil­itate women’s psycho­lo­gical or phys­ical arousal. So women with stronger sexual instincts make use of sexual fantasies to allow them to exper­i­ence their own sexual arousal and orgasm. Unfor­tu­nately many women find that the emotional envir­on­ment of sex is incom­pat­ible with using sexual fantasies.