In the early days of a romance, a man feels loved and needed through sex. A man’s sexual admir­a­tion for a woman makes her feel cared for and appreciated.

“Men are motiv­ated and empowered when they feel needed… Women are motiv­ated and empowered when they feel cher­ished…” (p43 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

Women’s key family role makes them more dependent on a supportive rela­tion­ship. For women love-making tends to be less about orgasm and more about building long-term emotional bonds. So women’s sexu­ality is often defined in terms of:

• focusing their efforts on presenting the sexual attrib­utes of their bodies to attract the sexual atten­tions of a man;
• prefer­ring sensual ‘love-making’ to more expli­citly sexual activity based on clit­oral stim­u­la­tion (such as oral sex or masturb­a­tion); and
• facil­it­ating male orgasm through vaginal inter­course (including assisting with male arousal by exag­ger­ating their own sexual arousal).

In ‘The Mirror has two Faces’ (1996) Barbra Streisand and Jeff Bridges star as a couple who agree to marry but not have sex. On continued sexual rejec­tion by her husband, the wife admits “I don’t do anything to you — that’s the problem.” She continues: “I believe in lust and sex and romance. I want someone to go crazy, out of his mind for me.”

“It cannot be emphas­ized too often that orgasm cannot be taken as the sole criterion for determ­ining the degree of satis­fac­tion which a female may derive from sexual activity. Consid­er­able pleasure may be found in sexual arousal which does not proceed to the point of orgasm, and in the social aspects of a sexual rela­tion­ship. Whether or not she herself reaches orgasm, many a female finds satis­fac­tion in knowing that her husband or other sexual partner has enjoyed the contact, and in real­izing that she has contrib­uted to the male’s pleasure.” (p371 Sexual beha­vior in the human female 1953)

While men are valued as providers, women are valued for being attractive. A woman wants to be rushed off her feet with a man’s passion for her. A woman’s ability to turn her man on causes him to want her both sexu­ally as well as to ‘love and to hold’. Some­times female sexu­ality is defined in terms of women’s power to attract a man.

A woman can enjoy many aspects of her sexual rela­tion­ship with a lover, such as sharing the sensual pleas­ures and emotional intimacies of sex, regard­less of her own sexual arousal and orgasm.

Sex and love are often confused for women and, for many women, sex need not be about orgasm at all. ‘Titanic’ (1997) was one of the most popular films of all time because women love the idea that a man could be so totally devoted.

Rod Stewart’s song says it all: “You’re in my heart. You are my lover, you’re my best friend”. Emotion­ally, it’s possible that men need women more than women need men because men don’t share emotional intimacy with others as easily as women do. It is sex that binds a man to a woman and motiv­ates him to fight to the death if neces­sary to protect her.

“How to satisfy a woman every time: Caress, praise, pamper, … die for, dream of, tease, gratify, squeeze, indulge, idolise, worship. How to satisfy a man every time: Arrive naked. ” (p93 Why men don’t listen 1999)

Like it or not, sexual rela­tion­ships favour male orgasm and natur­ally, given their drive to reach orgasm, men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal. By being the appre­ci­ative female lover a woman shows that she cares about her partner.

A woman becomes less willing over time if she feels that he does not care about her prior­ities. Showing that you care about someone involves talking together and seeking an under­standing of how the other person feels and what is important to them.

“A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results. ” (p16 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

“A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feel­ings and the quality of her rela­tion­ships. ” (p18 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)