Ways Women Orgasm

Sexual arousal is a mental state that arises when the mind responds to PSYCHOLOGICAL stimuli (of an erotic or sexual nature). Sexual arousal is evid­enced by PHYSICAL phenomena such as increased blood flow to the erectile organ (penis/clitoris).

Both sexes can express their sexu­ality through sexual arousal and orgasm but since men’s arousal happens spon­tan­eously (beyond their conscious control), the progres­sion from sexual arousal to genital stim­u­la­tion and orgasm is much easier for boys to discover.

“Men and women are mismatched in this respect because a man is much more easily and quickly aroused, and reaches orgasm in a very short time in almost any situ­ation.” (p70 Healthy Sex 1998)

Men’s phys­ical arousal is very evident because a man’s erec­tion is diffi­cult to miss. Like­wise a man’s orgasm is easy to identify because it usually coin­cides with ejac­u­la­tion. Women’s sexual anatomy and physiology do not allow for the same kind of irre­fut­able evidence.

This makes it easier for women to fake but also for everyone to be less sure about how women’s arousal is achieved. Another reason that men are confident about male orgasm is because they are familiar with orgasm from masturb­a­tion. Since relat­ively few women ever learn how to masturbate to orgasm, there is much less clarity and certainty over how women reach orgasm.

Andrew Stanway lists male turn-on’s, which include most parts of a woman’s body. He notes that women can be attracted to assertive or competent men but no one is suggesting that these attrib­utes assist with female sexual arousal. He concludes: “It is less easy to assess psycho-sexual trig­gers for women than for men.” (p127 Loving Touch 1993)

How do women become sexu­ally aroused enough to reach orgasm?

Anyone who is familiar with orgasm will know that, despite all the fuss made about phys­ical stim­u­la­tion, this aspect of sex can be a complete red herring. In other words, knowing which body part to stim­u­late is useful but not the whole story.

Clit­oral stim­u­la­tion is not everything. After all, our ability to reach orgasm ulti­mately depends on what happens in the brain. Yet we rarely acknow­ledge the PSYCHOLOGICAL aspects of sex. If she is ever to reach orgasm, a woman first needs to know how to become sexu­ally aroused enough (both mentally and phys­ic­ally) for clit­oral stim­u­la­tion to lead to orgasm.

We often talk about sexual arousal as if an erec­tion or orgasm, for that matter, is caused purely by phys­ical stim­u­la­tion. This is partly because men’s psycho­lo­gical sexual arousal is usually a given. Women who masturbate know that they have to take a vastly different approach in order to CONSCIOUSLY generate sexual arousal and orgasm.

Men think about sex much more than women but they only use fantasy to enhance arousal when they are engaged in activ­ities such as masturb­a­tion alone, unima­gin­ative sex or sex with an unin­spiring partner. Under more ideal circum­stances (e.g. adven­turous sex with a stun­ning partner) men don’t need to use fantasy. Fantasy is more crit­ical to female sexual arousal.

“Women fantasize more than men, and their fantasies are extremely explicit” (p177 Satis­fac­tion Guar­an­teed 1996)

True sexual arousal follows as a response to our senses (sight, smell and touch) as well as our imagin­a­tion (fantasy). A lover’s body does not cause female sexual arousal any more than images of naked men (porn) during masturb­a­tion. So if sight is less effective in arousing women it makes sense that they need to use other means, such as imagin­a­tion, to substitute.