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Orgasm during sex

Unfortunately, modern day sexology is not a science based on facts and logic but more a collection of beliefs and opinions.

One expert will claim that all women orgasm by the age of 19; another asserts 30. Some say that clitoral stimulation is needed for orgasm and others that clitoral stimulation is irrelevant to female orgasm.

If female orgasm is so easy, then why do so many people ask about how women orgasm? No one EVER asks about male orgasm.

Orgasm involves a release of sexual tension that is built up as a person becomes aroused. Even for a woman, a true orgasm is followed by a period of resolution before another orgasm is possible.

In fact the link between clitoral stimulation and female orgasm comes NOT from women’s experience of sex BUT from female masturbation.

The discussion of orgasm during sex covers the following:

  • CLITORAL STIMULATION: clitoral stimulation does lead to female orgasm during female masturbation BUT ….
  • SEXUAL FANTASIES: FIRST a woman needs to focus on sexual fantasies to become aroused enough for orgasm.
  • ORGASM TECHNIQUES: so women are likely to find orgasm during sex more elusive than during female masturbation.

Women’s orgasm techniques

Ways Women Orgasm presents the orgasm techniques (often suppressed by other sources) that women use to orgasm during sex in terms that women who are familiar with orgasm from masturbation can relate to.

(1) Clitoral stimulation is needed for female orgasm…

“… certainly, it is easier for most women to be orgasmic during masturbation than during intercourse. … For most women, masturbation involves some form of stimulation of the clitoris, whereas with intercourse, the clitoris is only stimulated indirectly, …” (p587 Human Sexuality (fifth edition) 1995)

If the answer to achieving female orgasm were as simple as providing PHYSICAL stimulation, there wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. After all this isn’t rocket science. When a man is sexually aroused, he knows which body part to stimulate.

“Many women indicated that they could not even suggest that their male partner was not satisfying them because if they did he would just fall apart. I felt a little insulted by that. I’m a big boy. If I’m not stimulating your clitoris correctly or whatever, tell me. I can handle that. I think most men can.” (p182 The Hite Reports – 1993)

(2) BUT clitoral stimulation by itself (whether by the woman or her partner) does not guarantee female orgasm. Why not?

Unlike men, most women do not approach sex just short of an orgasm. So even a woman who masturbates does not necessarily consider stimulating her clitoris during sex with a partner simply because she is not MENTALLY aroused enough for genital stimulation to make sense. Genital stimulation only leads to orgasm once a person is mentally aroused.

“Few of us reach orgasm without fantasy …” (p13 Hot Sex 1998)

Since the naked body of a sexual partner does not cause a woman to become aroused enough to orgasm, she is likely to need to use her sexual fantasies during sex. The truth is that a woman is lucky if she finds even ONE way to orgasm.

Excerpt from Ways Women Orgasm (ISBN 978-0956-894700)

7 COMMENTS

  1. So I have a female friend that I posed a number of questions to that are typically “taboo”. She was willing to answer. I will gather them up and show you. They are interesting.

    So here are the questions I posses and her answers

    Do you receive orgasms when with a partner? Yes
    Do you masterbate and receive an orgasm ? Yes
    If you masterbate to orgasm is it different than that with your partner? Yes. cums longer when with a partner.
    Have you faked an orgasm with a partner just to get that person off?yes
    What do you fantasize about when having An orgasm ? Never thought about that. Never noticed.
    What are your erotic turn ons? Sex with women on top. Two men and her. Her receiving oral. Watching men ejaculate.
    What is the most common way or method your masterbate? On back or in shower with vibrstor.
    When did you first start masterbating ? High school
    How often do you have sex? Not as often as masterbation.
    How often do you masterbate? Weekly.

    I find it intriguing that she could not come up with an answer regarding the fantasy.

  2. Thanks Darin. I find it curious that only men can relate this kind of information. Very few women will actually say anything. I don’t believe they know what an orgasm is. They only boast about orgasm, which men never do. Men talk about turn-ons and women don’t even know what those are.

  3. Your right. I enjoy taking about turn ons. Women have no interest and they have no interest in discussing their sexual “Appetite”.

    I have another woman that gave me some answers. Let me round it up.

    Do you receive orgasms when with a partner? Yes
    Do you masterbate and receive an orgasm ? Yes but she doesn’t practice it or prefer
    If you masterbate to orgasm is it different than that with your partner? No
    Have you faked an orgasm with a partner just to get that person off? Yes
    What do you fantasize about when having An orgasm ?her partner
    What are your erotic turn ons? Nothing she prefers to have sex and think about her partner
    What is the most common way or method you masterbate? No answer
    When did you first start masterbating ?no answer
    How often do you have sex?no answer
    How often do you masterbate? No specific answer but prefers to have sex with partner not into masterbation

    The first woman would freely provide me information. However. I find it interesting that she “stumbled” on the questions about what’s erotic and her fantasies. She typically would not hold back in her info as she ok w the taboo questions.

  4. Women are really not interested in sex or orgasm. So most so-called knowledge about female sexuality comes from men. But given that women don’t even discuss sex or orgasm with their lovers, men are pretty clueless about the whole subject.

  5. That is hard to believe. I don’t understand why women don’t come forth and explain these things

    I’m what I think is a rational and logical person. That being said. It’s hard to fathom someone not being able to answer the taboo questions. How hard is it to explain your “orgasm” or erotic fantasy ??

    What is the taboo of discussing ??

  6. Most women don’t have fantasies. That’s what’s embarrassing because men assume everyone must have a response to eroticism. Most women just think it’s all disgusting!

    There’s no point in women discussing their sexuality with men – men won’t listen. I have found that any honesty about female orgasm brings in the political crowd who pile on the abuse & criticism without having anything constructive to say. You have to be tough & persistent…but you will never succeed in convincing the majority of men that women really aren’t interested.

  7. Well. I believe my wife has some sexual desire, but as far as eroticism…I would say minimal to almost none if not none. My wife’s level of eroticism is watching something like sex and the city or a similar level of “sexual” video that is more of a romantic or female way of thinking.

    She read 50 shades of grey…we must of had sex every other night…I thought it was great having her increased sex drive….she got thru the second book I think it was and said it was disgusting and put it down. That was it. Her enhanced sex drive stopped as well.