Ways Women Orgasm

Reaching orgasm

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Rose was a pretty woman even in her late forties. Despite being a mother and house­wife she always achieved a classy present­a­tion. Rose told me:

Although I masturb­ated as a young­ster (from 14) it was never to orgasm. My first orgasm was by acci­dent. It happened at 17 with a boyfriend — not during penet­rative sex but as a result of my body rubbing against his body. It was a scary exper­i­ence for me and I didn’t like being out of control. It wasn’t until I met my long-term partner who had studied the female anatomy from books and real girls that I had another orgasm at 19.

I didn’t want (for a number of reasons) penet­rative sex so our initial exper­i­ments were with mutual masturb­a­tion. It was really easy then about 6 months later to transfer to penet­rative orgasmic sex. I often wonder how long it would have taken for me to discover orgasm if I hadn’t met this more exper­i­enced lover.”

Rose did not masturbate alone but she had succeeded in applying orgasm tech­niques to sex and she had learned how to masturbate herself during intercourse.

Rose agreed that a man’s sexual arousal can be very flat­tering and that an important aspect of her own sexual arousal was the idea that her partner wanted to have sex with her. Some couples find that the spoon posi­tion allows a woman to stim­u­late herself (think of spoons lying side by side in a drawer – man behind the woman).

Sharing sexual fantasies

Rose recom­mended: “Men need to learn manual arousal tech­niques (to use on the woman) and also not to be intim­id­ated by women using masturb­a­tion as part of the act of intercourse.

Women need to learn to combine masturb­a­tion and inter­course and feel completely free to share their fantasies and use them during inter­course.” She giggled: “I wonder if the taboo about sex is not about sex per se but about the ‘naughty fantasies’ that make sex so good! I also found it diffi­cult to share fantasies as I was unsure if speaking about them might somehow make them lose their power — like bursting a bubble — thank­fully it hasn’t”.

Rose agreed that women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not auto­matic and that women’s sexual arousal is more consciously gener­ated: “Men are easily stim­u­lated by sexual thoughts. Women’s auto­matic trigger is (1) more easily sublim­ated, (2) far less frequent and (3) needs other factors present to be switched on (i.e. they need to be content with other areas of their life).

I think that they do have this auto­matic trigger but because of the above reasons, the choice becomes more conscious. Women usually need more arti­fi­cial aids to trigger arousal. I would also add general touching and caressing (as opposed to specific­ally primary erogenous zone touching).” Later she remarked:

It’s pecu­liar that the ‘power’ that women have over men (i.e. the ability to sexu­ally arouse them) is at times really appre­ci­ated by the woman and helps with her arousal. And at other times completely abhor­rent to her or at least the effect it has is abhor­rent. Unfor­tu­nately, men seem to be unable to get the timing right as to when to respond to this power. This is not very fair for men because they really seem unable to pick up the signals and respond appro­pri­ately. I believe that for whatever reason (upbringing, genetics) that their emotions are so controlled that they cannot read the emotional signals that women give out.”

“It’s not that men are insens­itive. Their brains just aren’t organ­ised to notice small details and changes in the appear­ance or beha­viour of others. ” (p77 Why men don’t listen 1999)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

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2 comments for “Reaching orgasm

  1. Vivek Kumar
    April 11, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    Dear Jane,

    I read your docu­ments and articles, these are quite inter­esting. People like you give the world a new dimen­sion of thinking and make life better.

    Good job !

    Best,

    Vivek

  2. Jane
    April 11, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Thanks for your enthu­si­astic support Vivek!

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