Natur­ally, some women insist that they are just as sexu­ally driven as men. Even today when porno­graphy domin­ates 90% of the Internet, women remain incred­ibly naive about men’s passion for sex.

One woman said: “The basics are this: men like sex and will give affec­tion to get it. Women like affec­tion, and get it during sex. It works out well for both. I believe women enjoy sex as much as men do.”

Although the sensual pleas­ures of phys­ical intimacy with a lover can still be enjoyed if orgasm is missing, men would never settle for non-orgasmic sex. Women who are familiar with orgasm from female masturb­a­tion also hope for more than affec­tion from sex.

Women, who prior to the 1950s had been thought incap­able of sexual pleasure, are now told they can ‘enjoy’ sex as much as men since female orgasm is assumed to occur ‘natur­ally’ during intercourse.

I have tried to imagine what it must be like for a woman to approach sex without knowing what her own sexual arousal and orgasm feels like. Even so, I have to ques­tion how a woman cannot notice a man’s early morning erec­tion. Do they never realise that almost any intimate phys­ical contact causes a man to be eager for sex? There are no female equi­val­ents to these.

Equally presum­ably they never notice any differ­ence between the pleasure they get from sex compared with their partner. Yet a man’s drive to reach orgasm determ­ines the pace and usually the end of any hetero­sexual activity. A woman has little say in the matter. In any case, have these women never heard of rape, of pros­ti­tu­tion, of men’s use of porno­graphy and masturbation?

Not every man is a poten­tial rapist, has paid for sex or is a sex pervert (e.g. fetishes, peeping tom etc.). But these examples indicate how much more sexu­ally motiv­ated the average man is compared to the average woman. This fact also explains why women (but not men) can hug and kiss each other without anyone assuming that there is a sexual context to the relationship.

It is important to differ­en­tiate between what women say and what women do. Women often stand to gain by professing an enthu­siasm for sex. This is hardly a modern female ploy: the sexu­ally provoc­ative female has existed since time began.

What is much more indic­ative of women’s enthu­siasm for sex is what women actu­ally do:

• Men masturbate regu­larly throughout their lives but very few women ever masturbate to enjoy arousal and orgasm;
• Men enjoy their own arousal through porno­graphy throughout their lives but even young women buy much less erotica;
• Our culture abounds with images of women’s bodies but women do not generate a demand for images of men’s bodies;
• Lap-dancing and pole-dancing bars are directed at men and are seldom (if ever) intended for women; and
• Pros­ti­tutes offer men sex the world over but women very rarely pay for sex.

Many women CLAIM to orgasm during sex just because it makes them look good. The facts of female sexu­ality have been avail­able since the 1950s: (1) women have more diffi­culty with sexual arousal and orgasm during sex than men do and (2) women need clit­oral stim­u­la­tion for orgasm so masturb­a­tion is a much easier source of female orgasms than intercourse.

It would be more useful to ask older women, who have less to prove, what they think of sex. I have tried talking to women of all ages about sex and the vast majority prefers to make no comment at all. In fact, very few women are shouting from the rooftops about the joys of sexual pleasure. Unfor­tu­nately the majority is intim­id­ated by the sexual ego of a tiny minority.

There is little support for providing younger women with inform­a­tion about enjoying their own sexual pleasure. My efforts meet with defens­ive­ness, silence or fierce oppos­i­tion. Many people insist that women can ‘enjoy’ sex as much as men do but it is not clear that they are talking about orgasm. Women them­selves are rarely able to explain how they orgasm during sex.