In the novelty of a new sexual relationship, I have explored a variety of sexual activities with a partner. So, in addition to vaginal intercourse missionary style, in the early days we tried oral sex, manual clitoral stimulation and different positions for intercourse.

I enjoyed the role of the prostitute, giving pleasure to my man, but I never experienced the sexual arousal required for orgasm. The sensations from oral sex were too vague and my clitoris was too sensitive for my partner to be able to stimulate me manually.

For many years, our sex life settled into the usual marital rut of nothing more than vaginal intercourse to male orgasm. It was the easiest way to provide my partner with some sexual relief and involved me in minimal sexual effort (we always had to use a lubricant).

Once we had children, we would occasionally get away for weekends. These opportunities, plus holidays (with childcare) where we had more time for sex, meant that my partner could stimulate my clitoris (never to orgasm) during rear-entry intercourse.

I took the contraceptive pill from the age of eighteen until my partner had a vasectomy after the birth of our third child. Around this time, approximately aged 35, I found that vaginal intercourse became much more comfortable and naturally lubricated.

I’ll never know whether this effect was age related or the result of coming off the pill. I found that from time to time my body felt more sensual and aroused. As a young woman I was never aware of any sense of physical arousal. But now my mind tunes into eroticism more consciously and I am aware of having an erection of the internal clitoral organ.

Naughtier than vaginal intercourse

When I am feeling aroused, I look forward to sex sessions with my partner. Sometimes we watch a porn movie in the living room. We put a waterproof sheet and large towel over the ottoman. I kneel down and bend over the ottoman.

My partner sits behind me with a good view up between my legs. He has control of the baby oil and lube. While we are watching the movie he penetrates me from behind with fingers and penis. I fast forward to the bits of the movie that I like.

Other times we have sex on the bed. As always, we use a waterproof sheet, large towel and lots of lube. We keep a bag of sex toys.

I like the lights low so that I can focus fully on the sensations of my partner stroking me. I usually lie on my front while he stimulates me from behind.

He starts with toys or fingers but ends with penis penetration, stimulating my clitoris throughout. Admittedly a man needs to be a bit of an octopus to do all of this simultaneously but practice helps!

Depending on my levels of arousal, I feel different sensations from sex with a partner. Basically the more turned on I am from the start the better the feelings.

Vaginal fisting where my partner penetrates my vagina with the fingers of one hand can give me amazing feelings. When his fingers thrust gently backwards and forwards, I feel quite overwhelmed with waves of physical arousal.

Anal sex, starting with finger penetration, but usually ending with penile penetration has always been arousing for me. Sometimes we start a sex session with a shower and my partner gives me an enema.

It’s vital to take things slowly and start with finger penetration. This is the difficult part for a man. You need to be ready to stop if your partner is not enjoying it. It is counterproductive for the woman to be the martyr here. Keep it fun and arousing!

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)


  1. Women swingers are comfortable talking about sex & most are over 30 are bi, know what they like because they are experienced & married w/children.

    Often men we know have sex to be loved for sexual expression & pleasure; many have sex to make their partners happy because it makes them happy.

    Women will respond if they’re interested; more men tend to be more comfortable w/sex; men aren’t trained from birth sex is bad/private & slutty.

  2. Well women obviously aren’t interested. I almost always talk to men. Women refuse to comment even indirectly on any aspect of sex or orgasm.

    I don’t find women typically have a clue about orgasm. Sex is easy you just open your legs. Orgasm relies on positive response to eroticism!

    Who says that sex is bad? Who does the training. In my experience no one ever talks about sex. Only men among themselves – not bad stuff!

    Dual standards exist because women use sex to obtain other rewards. Men engage in sex purely for sexual pleasure. So men have an excuse!

  3. The bi women we know are orgasmic w/women & men; in our experience the more sex positive women are the more experienced & comfortable they become.

    In our experience everyone tells women they have too much/too little, the wrong kind; slut is still a big word; talk to women who are swingers.

  4. I disagree but if you know any women who are willing to talk about these orgasms you think they’re having then please ask them to contact me!

    The ultimate motivation for sex comes from male sex drive. Women do along with male passion in certain circumstances. Not for orgasm…

  5. Bi women swingers don’t go along, they seduce men/women because they want an orgasm; women around celebrities seduce; women’s sex drive is powerful if allowed

    Clearly you need to see women have multiple orgasms until their bodies run out of energy; women are excited by women/men & sexual activity around them

    Arousing women isn’t hard once you know how to touch them, if they want you to touch them; once they are confident they’ll tell what they like.

  6. Sorry – erotic fiction. Very few women ever comment on sexual pleasure let alone orgasm. Women are very good actresses…

    I do not believe women orgasm with a lover male or female. There are no natural turn-ons for women with a lover. Women often mistake orgasm. Women can never explain erotic turn-ons. You have to be aroused before you can have an orgasm. They talk of love & emotions.

    There are millions of women out there. So women who talk about sex are unusual. The question is – why are women so secretive? I don’t hold with all this modesty & mystery. Women need to speak up. Gone are the days when we worry about being virginal.

  7. All women aren’t as assertive as you so you will never get what you want, but until now the culture wasn’t designed for women to be sex positive

    You are asking the wrong women. Women often contact us privately & discuss their bisexuality/experiences all the time. Mothers/the culture don’t teach daughters to be sex positive; long-term relationships empower women’s sexuality; it takes experience & loving.