Imagine the scenario: a man and a woman facing each other, naked, in a world where men and women have an identical sex drive.
So, of course, they are both standing there with an erection. Just to be clear: the man has an erect penis and the woman has an erect clitoris.
Would they mutually choose to engage in vaginal intercourse? No because intercourse does not stimulate the clitoris enough for female orgasm. Even a man would struggle to orgasm from a partner banging her groin against his penis.
So the ‘sexually equal’ couple would presumably prefer oral sex or mutual masturbation. This way both sexes could enjoy equal genital stimulation. Would Nature be happy? No because these activities are not reproductive and so the human race would die out. After all, the PRIME purpose of sex is reproduction. Sexual pleasure is merely a by-product.
In ten years of researching female sexuality very few women have been able to explain convincingly how they orgasm with a partner. It either ‘just happens’ or it happens ‘naturally’.
Such explanations indicate how oblivious many women are to the psychological elements of sexual arousal and even to the appreciation that genital stimulation is required for orgasm. Women claim that intercourse is orgasmic the ‘first time and every time’ and get away with it. We are all so totally convinced that because men find intercourse arousing so should women.
Men are lucky because they get turned on (enough for orgasm) by the body of a sexual partner and during intercourse the penis is directly stimulated by thrusting. Women are not so lucky. They do not become aroused enough for orgasm simply by looking at the male naked body nor is the clitoris stimulated adequately during intercourse.
Women need direct clitoral stimulation for orgasm but, much more importantly, they need an intense mental focus on fantasy to achieve the kind of sexual arousal that leads to orgasm. Such focus is often impossible to achieve with a partner and this explains why female masturbation alone tends to be the easiest source of female orgasm.
Women who claim to reach orgasm from intercourse alone are mistaken
If women were able to orgasm through vaginal intercourse, without any direct clitoral stimulation, it would imply that women are MORE HIGHLY SEXED than men. Even men need DIRECT penile stimulation for orgasm.
So anyone who claims that women orgasm during vaginal intercourse is mistaken. Of course, women are known to fake both their own sexual arousal and orgasm. Equally many women simply assume that they orgasm during intercourse because few women masturbate so they never know what orgasm is. This explains why so few women ask about lack of orgasm.
It is only women who are familiar with orgasm from masturbation who realise that orgasm is missing from sex with a partner.
“Nevertheless, many women prefer intercourse to masturbation because it gives them additional sensual benefits such as being held and being kissed and also makes them part of a spontaneous give and take.” (p587 Human Sexuality (fifth edition) 1995)
Vaginal intercourse, for a woman, feels like affectionate hugging since the vagina has little sensitivity to any sensation from penile thrusting. Vaginal intercourse is literally a heterosexual ‘love-making’ act. The difficulty over the longer-term is that a man forgets to ‘make love’ to his woman by including sensual petting and sex play before heading for his orgasm through thrusting.
Equally, women are not motivated to seek other more explicit forms of genital stimulation during sex because (1) they do not approach sex already aroused and (2) female sexual arousal does not arise from an appreciation of a lover’s body.
Women co-operate with men’s sex drive and provide men with sexual pleasure to create the emotional bonds needed for long-term relationships. Intercourse provides women with an easy way of satisfying a man with the least inconvenience to herself.
Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)