It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this is simply the way things are for women who hope for orgasm from their sexual relationships. A woman is lucky to orgasm by any means.

The belief that women orgasm ‘naturally’ during sex is based on fantasy (erotica and pornography) and contradicts the conclusions of the scientific researchers.

“In fact, for over 70 per cent of women, intercourse – the penis thrusting in the vagina – did not regularly lead to orgasm. … In other words, not to have orgasm from intercourse is the experience of the majority of women.” (p35 The Hite Reports 1993)

Some people suggest that lack of orgasm is not a problem or that it is unimportant. This may be true for women who never masturbate because they never know what orgasm is.

But for women who are familiar with orgasm from masturbation, it is frustrating to be told that female orgasm is unimportant when there is so much sympathy for men’s sexual performance problems and so much insistence that women should orgasm during sex.

Women need to be told the facts:

“Between 10 and 15 percent of women never reach an orgasm at all, even during masturbation. Another 10 to 15 percent achieve orgasm only through masturbation. Only approximately 30 percent of women reach orgasm through intercourse alone.

Perhaps as many women have never reached orgasm during intercourse. Inability to have orgasm during intercourse is the second most common sexual complaint of women – behind lack of sexual desire.” (Joel Block; Secrets of Better Sex; 1997)

Intercourse is not designed to facilitate female orgasm

Anyone, male or female, whether alone or with a partner, uses genital stimulation to take a state of mental arousal to orgasm. So during masturbation a man stimulates his penis and a woman stimulates her clitoris.

Psychological arousal arises from an appreciation of eroticism and is the most important factor in enjoying our sexuality since without it genital stimulation is ineffective. During masturbation a man uses EROTIC IMAGES (pornography) for psychological sexual arousal and a woman uses EROTIC SCENARIOS (sexual fantasies).

If a woman wants to experience orgasm during sex, she needs to ensure that:

• (1) she obtains the DIRECT clitoral stimulation needed for orgasm (manual or oral); and
• (2) she finds a way to incorporate her fantasies into her sexual relationship with a partner.

Men are lucky because (since male orgasm/ejaculation is required for reproduction) intercourse naturally provides both the penile stimulation and the visual turn-on of a sexual partner’s naked body that they need for orgasm. The surreal nature of women’s sexual fantasies makes them much more difficult to map onto a woman’s real life sexual relationship.

Some women find that their mind-based sexual fantasies are unsuitable for use with a partner. An alternative is for a woman to enjoy her own sexual arousal by using her sexual fantasies to inspire a wider variety of physical sex play with a partner.

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