Ways Women Orgasm

Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction

It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this is simply the way things are for women who hope for orgasm from their sexual relationships. A woman is lucky to orgasm by any means.

The belief that women orgasm ‘naturally’ during sex is based on fantasy (erotica and pornography) and contradicts the conclusions of the scientific researchers.

“In fact, for over 70 per cent of women, intercourse – the penis thrusting in the vagina – did not regularly lead to orgasm. … In other words, not to have orgasm from intercourse is the experience of the majority of women.” (p35 The Hite Reports 1993)

Some people suggest that lack of orgasm is not a problem or that it is unimportant. This may be true for women who never masturbate because they never know what orgasm is.

But for women who are familiar with orgasm from masturbation, it is frustrating to be told that female orgasm is unimportant when there is so much sympathy for men’s sexual performance problems and so much insistence that women should orgasm during sex.

Women need to be told the facts:

“This means that something between 36 and 44 per cent of the females in the sample had responded to orgasm in a part but not in all of their coitus in marriage.

About one-third of those females had responded only a small part of the time, another third had responded more or less half of the time, and the other third had responded a major portion of the time, even though it was not a hundred per cent of the time.” (p375 Sexual behavior in the human female 1953)

Intercourse is not designed to facilitate female orgasm

Anyone, male or female, whether alone or with a partner, uses genital stimulation to take a state of mental arousal to orgasm. So during masturbation a man stimulates his penis and a woman stimulates her clitoris.

Psychological arousal arises from an appreciation of eroticism and is the most important factor in enjoying our sexuality since without it genital stimulation is ineffective. During masturbation a man uses EROTIC IMAGES (pornography) for psychological sexual arousal and a woman uses EROTIC SCENARIOS (sexual fantasies).

If a woman wants to experience orgasm during sex, she needs to ensure that:

  • (1) she obtains the DIRECT clitoral stimulation needed for orgasm (manual or oral); and
  • (2) she finds a way to incorporate her fantasies into her sexual relationship with a partner.

Men are lucky because (since male orgasm/ejaculation is required for reproduction) intercourse naturally provides both the penile stimulation and the visual turn-on of a sexual partner’s naked body that they need for orgasm. The surreal nature of women’s sexual fantasies makes them much more difficult to map onto a woman’s real life sexual relationship.

Some women find that their mind-based sexual fantasies are unsuitable for use with a partner. An alternative is for a woman to enjoy her own sexual arousal by using her sexual fantasies to inspire a wider variety of physical sex play with a partner.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)

10 comments for “Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction

  1. Dr Caroline Madden
    July 5, 2018 at 9:31 am

    Studies show that while lesbian sex is less frequent than straight couples, lesbian sex lasts longer and is more satisfying. In lesbian sex, partners take turns having orgasms. Most lesbians go in a sexual experience expecting to have an orgasm.

  2. Jane
    July 5, 2018 at 10:37 am

    Really…? What do they say? Or is it a secret? I have not found lesbians any more willing to discuss sex & orgasm than other women. In fact they are often ignorant of even the anatomy involved in female orgasm. Can you enlighten?

    How do they have orgasms? What anatomy do they stimulate & what turn-ons do they use? Researchers are much too ready to believe that orgasm occurs without challenging the evidence. Women rarely talk about sexual pleasure. I find lesbians are no more interested than other women.

  3. Dr Caroline Madden
    July 5, 2018 at 11:08 am

    Maybe we treat different populations of women. Are you a couples counselor?

  4. Jane
    July 5, 2018 at 12:18 pm

    I am a researcher, which is quite different. Counsellors are obliged to believe everything their clients tell them because they get paid for doing so. I am much more objective. I am asking women how they achieve orgasm. Most women, including lesbians, cannot explain.

  5. Dr Caroline Madden
    July 5, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    If the evidence is a woman self-reporting she’s had an orgasm that’s proof enough. Women having sex with other women might better be able to communicate their needs because of not having to worry about a man’s fragile ego.

  6. Jane
    July 5, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    We experience orgasm according to gender. Orientation has nothing to do with it. So homosexual men have similar kinds of turn-ons & use the same stimulation as straight men. It is only the specific nature of the turn-ons that differ. But this is also true between individuals.

    I find that most women have no idea what orgasm involves. This is why the sex industry markets vibrators to women but not to men. Women don’t understand that orgasm is not just about physical stimulation. The mind is the prime sex organ. But women are not aroused as men are.

  7. Dr Caroline Madden
    July 5, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    Heterosexual sex is defined by the man orgasming. Obviously not true for lesbians.

  8. Jane
    July 5, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    Plenty of men spend a long time stimulating a woman clitorally either by hand or by mouth. My partner has certainly tried for decades. I have found that true orgasm only occurs during masturbation alone. But most women are not responsive enough to masturbate themselves to orgasm.

  9. Dr Caroline Madden
    July 5, 2018 at 3:03 pm

    Frankly, now it is awkward for me to further this conversation. What I will say is that orgasming while making love is not only possible but amazing. There are reasons why some women have a difficult time being vulnerable enough with another person (make or female) to orgasm.

  10. Jane
    July 5, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    Women always have some excuse or other for not discussing sex. I am not in the least embarrassed. I know that female orgasm does not occur with a lover. If women could orgasm with a lover then they would have no reason to accept intercourse, which is vital for human reproduction.

    Why are women so reluctant to be explicit? What is the big secret? I’m afraid I don’t believe a word of it. Women mistake emotional sensations for orgasm. Most women never masturbate to orgasm so they have no idea what an orgasm is. Hence the resounding silence from women on sex.

    Women who claim to orgasm with a lover are used to having their claims accepted because of the interest in female orgasm. But this interest arises because female orgasm is rare. Women need to provide some facts & logic to support their claims rather than relying on bravado.

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