An erection might feel good but it is likely to be a disadvantage if a man wants to devote time to pleasuring a woman. After all, two minutes is a typical time given for a man to reach orgasm!

A man can learn techniques for slowing his arousal and increasing the time he takes to orgasm by investing private time during masturbation.

“Basically, a man needs about two or three minutes of stimulation to have an orgasm. It is generally a very simple process, as easy as shaking up a can of beer and then letting it pop!

If a woman is to have an orgasm, she generally needs about ten times that amount of time. She needs twenty to thirty minutes of foreplay and stimulation of her genitals.” (p63 Mars & Venus in the Bedroom 1995)

There are various ways to spice up your sex life. Start your sex sessions with a quickie in the shower (get your partner to lather you and either masturbate or suck you off) and then retire to the bedroom to return the favour by investing some quality time in pleasuring your woman. The worst thing that might happen is that you could come a second time but there’s no pressure!

Use of fingers and some back-up sex toys will ensure that you are never caught unprepared! If you invest in one accessory for your sex life (apart from condoms, of course, if required) then make it a professional lubricant from any decent sex shop. Foreplay techniques are useful but remember that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies.

“’You’re a lousy lover!’ she said. ‘How can you tell that in two minutes?’ he asked.” (p116 Why men don’t listen 1999)

Sexual arousal changes over time

Penetrative sex is the greatest turn-on to both sexes but relies entirely on the man’s sexual arousal. If a man offers it from the first moment of a sexual encounter (or five seconds later), a woman never has time to feel that it would be nice to have.

Women’s sexual arousal is less automatic and so subject to more misunderstanding than men’s. But if a woman learns how to enjoy her own sexual arousal and orgasm, it is more likely that she will be willing to invest in her sex life with a partner over the longer-term. A man should focus on sensual pleasuring rather than insisting that his woman orgasms from his efforts.

“ … by 50 as much as half the male population lacks the testosterone that would give them the kind of sex drive young men have early in the morning.” (Duncan Gould and Richard Petty of the Well-Man Clinic London, The Times 24th March 2000).

Sex can become more rewarding over time: just as men slow down and become slightly less preoccupied with their own need for orgasm, a woman’s clitoris becomes slightly less sensitive so that her partner’s touch is more effective.

“Men are frequently unaware that, though the source of a woman’s pleasure may be the size of a peanut, it is armed with all the sensitivity of a six-inch penis. The degree of delicacy in approaching such a minute hand grenade can take years to get right. Until that time arrives, many women would rather read a good book.” (p19 The Bluffer’s Guide to Women 1998)

Even today people still refer to ‘vaginal orgasms’ as if women who experience orgasm through vaginal intercourse have a different source for their orgasms. The FACTS are that the vagina has very few nerve endings but the clitoris has many.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)


  1. Female orgasms begin in the brain. It’s why it’s so easy to turn a woman off. IN the hot and heavy middle of it, the partner says or does the wrong thing and *BAM* it’s back to square one or on to “Just get it over with already because I’m not missing Jeopardy!”

  2. Women only need to be amenable to intercourse. They don’t need to be aroused. This is why sexual activity never ends with a woman’s orgasm. Women can engage in sexual activity indefinitely because they don’t orgasm. Women make a conscious choice to offer pleasure to a lover.

  3. I’ll not ever claim to be an expert on female arousal or orgasm (despite having ovaries that I punch, daily); I can only lay claim to personal experience. For me, it was all in the brain and I can get turned off by just about anything. Me and sex are not sympatico.

  4. Research indicates that female orgasm occurs during masturbation alone. Women often mistake orgasm with a lover. They assume sensual & emotional sensations equate to orgasm. But if women were aroused with a lover then female erotic turn-ons would be common knowledge as men’s are.

  5. Perhaps, a further explanation is due.
    Repeated molestation attempts (I honestly don’t know if they succeeded – that part is blank for me) by various family members and repeated rapes from the guy I married and stayed with for 24 years and now, I loathe the very idea.

  6. Some women are more amenable or indifferent to being penetrated vaginally than others. This is a matter of personality & passivity as much as anything. Many women enjoy pleasing a man happy because men are inclined to pay for sex one way or another. You are very independent!

  7. ponders* No, actually, I did not mean to give that impression, for I do not find myself to be so. I want to be loved for who I am. At age 15, I was told by a psychiatrist that this meant I was doomed to be alone, forever.
    I find that he was correct.
    I will not be other than I.‏

  8. Then you do good works, ma’am. There should be more such resources out there for women with questions and I am glad that there are those like you that want to educate and not shame women for wanting to be happy in and of themselves. Thank you for providing the resources. I appreciate what you’re trying to do and I shall send any females with questions that I encounter to your site. Thank you for it.

  9. No problem – but please do some reading! I don’t make any money. All the information I provide is available for free on the web. It’s vital that women appreciate that they are not intended to be responsive with a partner. Intercourse is just an act for male pleasure & impregnation.