Pleasuring a woman

An erection might feel good but it is likely to be a disadvantage if a man wants to devote time to pleasuring a woman. After all, two minutes is a typical time given for a man to reach orgasm!

A man can learn techniques for slowing his arousal and increasing the time he takes to orgasm by investing private time during masturbation.

“Basically, a man needs about two or three minutes of stimulation to have an orgasm. It is generally a very simple process, as easy as shaking up a can of beer and then letting it pop!

If a woman is to have an orgasm, she generally needs about ten times that amount of time. She needs twenty to thirty minutes of foreplay and stimulation of her genitals.” (p63 Mars & Venus in the Bedroom 1995)

There are various ways to spice up your sex life. Start your sex sessions with a quickie in the shower (get your partner to lather you and either masturbate or suck you off) and then retire to the bedroom to return the favour by investing some quality time in pleasuring your woman. The worst thing that might happen is that you could come a second time but there’s no pressure!

Use of fingers and some back-up sex toys will ensure that you are never caught unprepared! If you invest in one accessory for your sex life (apart from condoms, of course, if required) then make it a professional lubricant from any decent sex shop. Foreplay techniques are useful but remember that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies.

“’You’re a lousy lover!’ she said. ‘How can you tell that in two minutes?’ he asked.” (p116 Why men don’t listen 1999)

Sexual arousal changes over time

Penetrative sex is the greatest turn-on to both sexes but relies entirely on the man’s sexual arousal. If a man offers it from the first moment of a sexual encounter (or five seconds later), a woman never has time to feel that it would be nice to have.

Women’s sexual arousal is less automatic and so subject to more misunderstanding than men’s. But if a woman learns how to enjoy her own sexual arousal and orgasm, it is more likely that she will be willing to invest in her sex life with a partner over the longer-term. A man should focus on sensual pleasuring rather than insisting that his woman orgasms from his efforts.

“ … by 50 as much as half the male population lacks the testosterone that would give them the kind of sex drive young men have early in the morning.” (Duncan Gould and Richard Petty of the Well-Man Clinic London, The Times 24th March 2000).

Sex can become more rewarding over time: just as men slow down and become slightly less preoccupied with their own need for orgasm, a woman’s clitoris becomes slightly less sensitive so that her partner’s touch is more effective.

“Men are frequently unaware that, though the source of a woman’s pleasure may be the size of a peanut, it is armed with all the sensitivity of a six-inch penis. The degree of delicacy in approaching such a minute hand grenade can take years to get right. Until that time arrives, many women would rather read a good book.” (p19 The Bluffer’s Guide to Women 1998)

Even today people still refer to ‘vaginal orgasms’ as if women who experience orgasm through vaginal intercourse have a different source for their orgasms. The FACTS are that the vagina has very few nerve endings but the clitoris has many.

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)


  1. If you don,t get mind,can I ask some thing as I have some questions in my mind about intercourse,yeah I am not married but soon and I love with my fiancee too much and wish my fiance could feel satisfaction from me after marriage.
    I have some questions about men and women as I heard from my friends.
    If you could give me permission I will feel happy to get some advice from you?

  2. I think you are confusing sexual pleasure (enjoyment of orgasm) with reproductive sex.
    Men can enjoy sexual pleasure pretty much any way they like: intercourse, oral, masturbation etc.
    Female orgasm is much more obscure and many women never discover it. I have found it is only possible during masturbation alone.
    I have been living with my partner for nearly 30 years. We have always had an active sex life. I enjoy pleasuring him and sometimes I enjoy him pleasuring me but I’m not always in the mood.
    Long-term relationships involve a great deal of patience and tolerance for each other’s differences – not just in sex. It’s a long education process and very difficult for men and women to accept that the opposite sex experiences sex so differently.

  3. Thank you so much my friend for providing me these information.I hope it will help me in future.
    Actually I have to get some information as my friends told me that they are disappionted with their intercourse because they said they discharged their semen very quickly but their wives didn’t discharge and felt unhappy.
    I have nothing any experience about sex with a girl or masturbating as I am a good Muslim and totally virgin who belongs to a noble and respectable family. But now I am afraid because some times I am discharged my sperm in dreams(whenever I saw any sexy dream) and I think I am not capable to control my timing of discharge. Apart from that I am afraid if I couldn’t satisfy my future wife then I will feel shame in my self and I don’t want this.
    Kindly guide me the good way to discharge a girl’s semen before than man’s discharge.Is this possible as you always write women discharge late or some times don,r discharge.
    I now this all about sex but for my more knowledge also that will be helpful in my future.
    Which specific part a girl has that she feels much satisfaction with a boy during intercourse.
    For your information I hope after 3 months I will be married,so please send me comprehensive note about the satisfaction for a girl and about compromising intercourse. What and (How) should a man say to his wife for starting sex during first night of Marriage.

  4. Women don’t discharge semen. Perhaps you mean orgasm?
    Men are much more sexual than women and reach orgasm much more easily. This is a fact of life.
    A woman is looking for affection and gentle pleasuring. The difficulty comes because men tend to be only interested in sexual interaction when they have an erection.
    As soon as a man has his orgasm he loses interest in any further contact.
    Women want lots of kissing and caressing. You need to provide this after you have had your orgasm. Women are not strongly driven to have an orgasm as men are so they do not generally miss it (unless they already masturbate by themselves which very few women do).
    Women want to be loved, admired, carressed so make sure your ‘love-making’ is loving and gentle. Give her lots of compliments and be affectionate even when you are not having sex or about to. Otherwise she thinks you don’t love her but only want sex.
    The early days of any relationship are usually the easiest so I’m sure you will be fine. The issues I am talking about relate to relationships over ten years old.

  5. Thank you sooooo much to provide me these precious information.
    But Jane I really don’t think only few women masturbate because our GOD has granted sexual emotions to every one(men,women) even I heard that women have 70% more sexual emotions than men by nature but with this GOD has granted much more patience to women and can control their emotion very easily.Am I right?
    I am feeling satisfaction after getting these information by you.I have known that women need extreme love,care than sex.

  6. Alfred Kinsey tallked to 12,000 men and women in the USA and concluded that on average men are up to six times more sexual than women.
    Essentially every man masturbates but he found that only around 20% of women masturbate regularly.
    I have certainly found that women are very reluctant to discuss sexual experiences of any kind but most appear to be shocked by sexual activity involving explicit genital stimulation e.g. masturbation alone or with a partner.
    This is the aim of my site – to invite women to talk about their experiences. Very few are willing to make any comment at all but mostly they talk of their loving feelings for a partner.
    Men need to invest in the romantic (companionable and affectionate) aspects of the relationship. Put effort into talking to your woman and take an interest in her concerns. Be affectionate by kissing and cuddling without always expecting to have a direct sexual payback.