If sex is so equal then why would anyone need to pay for sex? Prostitution exists because men’s drive to enjoy sexual pleasure cannot always be satisfied through relationships.

Most women interpret their sexual experiences in emotional terms as ‘making love’. Consequently, wives and girlfriends are often reluctant to offer more sexually explicit sexual pleasuring. Given the strong associations with male gratification through the sex industry, sexual pleasure has overtones of immoral behaviour for women.

Since many women never experience sexual pleasure, they are simply appalled by the exploitative nature of the sex industry. It is men’s enjoyment of a young woman’s body regardless of any relationship that causes offence. In the film ’50 first dates’ (2004) Adam Sandler’s Hawaiian friend explains that his wife’s mature figure no longer arouses him.

Some men only ever see sex as sex, but many others prefer sex with a woman they love. When men find that special woman, they may not get all slushy about love but they still choose to marry. Even the unisex term ‘lover’ indicates a link between love and sex.

As the film ‘Cruel Intentions’ (1999) points out, women can also exploit men through sex.

One day while I was waiting at the supermarket checkout I listened to two young women, each with babe-in-arms, comparing the money they got from their ex-partners. Women often assume that a man will finance their dream of home and family without a thought for what a man might hope for in return.

Women are not the only ones exploited through sex

So women today can get alimony from a man they are no longer having sex with. Young men should campaign for a male pill but men (unlike women) are worried about how hormones might affect their sex drive. Certainly a man should put off having a family until he can be sure that a woman is willing to invest in a long-term sexual relationship with him.

If governments are concerned about teenage pregnancies then they should provide information about the obligations of family life. A woman will enjoy having a family much more with a partner than by facing the challenges of raising children alone.

Advice based on the reproductive aspects of sex (family and relationships) should include:

  • Single parenthood is tough – raising children with a caring partner is much easier;
  • A woman needs to find a man who cares about her enough to be willing to support a family; and
  • A man needs to find a partner who cares enough about him to invest in their sexual relationship.

The problem with sex advice today is that girls are not given the facts about female sexuality to help them enjoy sexual pleasure. A man’s sex drive provides a woman with a means of keeping her man motivated to support the family. If a couple can open up to each other and explore eroticism together then they may discover more ways of pleasuring than young people ever try.

Advice based on enjoying sexual pleasure (sexual arousal and orgasm) should include:

  • Men gain much more from the immediate rewards of a sexual relationship;
  • Women need information about their sexuality if they are to enjoy eroticism and orgasm; and
  • Men need to accept that if they want a longer-term sex life then they need to invest in finding ways to pleasure their woman.

If a woman cares about her man, she will appreciate how important sex is to him. If you can survive the ups and downs, it is definitely worthwhile exploring how to make sex more intimate and more adventurous (that means men as well as women!).

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)


  1. Good evening from Cairo, Egypt. I have a problem with my wife it since the birth of the second child and she is the refrain engage in an act of love and argue I do not know what to do?
    i hope to have an answer to my problem. thanks and best regards

  2. There are a number of possibilities:

    1) During childbirth women often have tears and rips down below. For example, the anus or perineum (between anus & vagina) can be torn. Either this can be very painful or it can make sex impossible. Your wife should have an examination by a doctor if you are not able to do it for her.

    2) Do you use contraception? If not, your wife may not want any more children. She may be afraid of becoming pregnant again especially if childbirth was traumatic for her.

    3) Many women do not see any point in having sex. Intercourse provides no sensation and a woman feels quite humiliated by having no response (physical or erotic) to sexual activity. Women are primarily loving and emotional. They respond to affection and companionship. You may need to pay attention to your friendship with your wife and also to include more loving/sensual sex play into your love life.

    Sex means very little to a woman – simply a means of having children. You need to find other ways to approach lovemaking. Women want affection and sensual pleasuring. If your friendship has broken down it can help to talk to therapists if you have these in Egypt.

    Ultimately you should really try to talk to your wife. It depends on her generosity and the general state of your relationship. Sex involves a massive investment by a woman so a man has to provide other ways (outside sex) to compensate a woman. Hope this helps.

  3. thanks a lot you have been a great help

    She had a Cesarean section and she use contraception and I talked to her but can’t Convince her and I am rely can’t take it any more

    we Muslims do not have pleasure expat. in prayer and play with our children and make love with the wife the rest of the time at work. and all i can do is masturbating and Continue my life

    i did I am a romantic person I want to tell you that i start romance talking tow hours before i go home by talking on the phone or sms or romantic photos on the whats app even thought i do not wont to make love some times sending a love song. but she always choke me by cold answer’s or no replay at all.

    all i am thinking off this day’s that she married me to be a married women and just have the the kids to be mom just like Female spider do.

    i am so Depressed. you do not have to be sorry thanks for trying to help