Monday, September 9, 2019
Home Men & sex play Physical intimacy Why is sexual pleasure still taboo?

Why is sexual pleasure still taboo?

If sex is so equal then why would anyone need to pay for sex? Prostitution exists because men’s drive to enjoy sexual pleasure cannot always be satisfied through relationships.

Most women interpret their sexual experiences in emotional terms as ‘making love’. Consequently, wives and girlfriends are often reluctant to offer more sexually explicit sexual pleasuring. Given the strong associations with male gratification through the sex industry, sexual pleasure has overtones of immoral behaviour for women.

Since many women never experience sexual pleasure, they are simply appalled by the exploitative nature of the sex industry. It is men’s enjoyment of a young woman’s body regardless of any relationship that causes offence. In the film ’50 first dates’ (2004) Adam Sandler’s Hawaiian friend explains that his wife’s mature figure no longer arouses him.

Some men only ever see sex as sex, but many others prefer sex with a woman they love. When men find that special woman, they may not get all slushy about love but they still choose to marry. Even the unisex term ‘lover’ indicates a link between love and sex.

As the film ‘Cruel Intentions’ (1999) points out, women can also exploit men through sex.

One day while I was waiting at the supermarket checkout I listened to two young women, each with babe-in-arms, comparing the money they got from their ex-partners. Women often assume that a man will finance their dream of home and family without a thought for what a man might hope for in return.

Women are not the only ones exploited through sex

So women today can get alimony from a man they are no longer having sex with. Young men should campaign for a male pill but men (unlike women) are worried about how hormones might affect their sex drive. Certainly a man should put off having a family until he can be sure that a woman is willing to invest in a long-term sexual relationship with him.

If governments are concerned about teenage pregnancies then they should provide information about the obligations of family life. A woman will enjoy having a family much more with a partner than by facing the challenges of raising children alone.

Advice based on the reproductive aspects of sex (family and relationships) should include:

  • Single parenthood is tough – raising children with a caring partner is much easier;
  • A woman needs to find a man who cares about her enough to be willing to support a family; and
  • A man needs to find a partner who cares enough about him to invest in their sexual relationship.

The problem with sex advice today is that girls are not given the facts about female sexuality to help them enjoy sexual pleasure. A man’s sex drive provides a woman with a means of keeping her man motivated to support the family. If a couple can open up to each other and explore eroticism together then they may discover more ways of pleasuring than young people ever try.

Advice based on enjoying sexual pleasure (sexual arousal and orgasm) should include:

  • Men gain much more from the immediate rewards of a sexual relationship;
  • Women need information about their sexuality if they are to enjoy eroticism and orgasm; and
  • Men need to accept that if they want a longer-term sex life then they need to invest in finding ways to pleasure their woman.

If a woman cares about her man, she will appreciate how important sex is to him. If you can survive the ups and downs, it is definitely worthwhile exploring how to make sex more intimate and more adventurous (that means men as well as women!).

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)


  1. Yeah. I’m aware of that. I also find that it’s not easy for a woman to find someone you CLICK with.
    Also: Women talk with women quite openly about sex. But with the male partner??
    Also: This here is strictly about heterosexual relationships.

  2. I don’t find that women talk openly about sex. They typically refuse to comment. Whatever they say is rarely explicit & has little to do with enjoying eroticism or sexual pleasure. Women seem to think that orgasm just happens because they engage in intercourse.

  3. What do they say explicitly? What erotic turn-ons cause women’s mental arousal with a lover? What specific anatomy do women stimulate to achieve orgasm? Women are sexually passive due to lack of arousal. Men provide all the stimulation in heterosexual relationships.

  4. We talk about intellectual stimulation and what turns us off. And with a real man we do the same. Clear wording, no second guessing.
    Yes! We talk exactly about what turns us on. One finger or two. Where, when and how hard. If course we do.
    There are passive women and there are very active women.

  5. I’m asking whether you stimulate the vagina or clitoris – what exact stimulation do you use – EXPLICIT! Also MENTAL turn-ons – not emotional ones e.g. male orgasm, male ejaculation, testicles, sweaty armpits etc.

    Sex is an exchange. Women offer sex when they feel appreciated by a partner in the wider aspects of the relationship. Women want to feel loved, cared for & protected. They want an interesting companion who is interested in them.

  6. Ok lady. I have to say, you way of generalising is starting to rile me up. I respect your training and background. At the same time, I expect more responsibility from someone your rank. Your comments are not reflective of everybody’s experience. You are not helping women’s cause.