Rose was a pretty woman even in her late forties. Despite being a mother and housewife she always achieved a classy presentation. Rose told me:

“Although I masturbated as a youngster (from 14) it was never to orgasm. My first orgasm was by accident. It happened at 17 with a boyfriend – not during penetrative sex but as a result of my body rubbing against his body. It was a scary experience for me and I didn’t like being out of control. It wasn’t until I met my long-term partner who had studied the female anatomy from books and real girls that I had another orgasm at 19.

I didn’t want (for a number of reasons) penetrative sex so our initial experiments were with mutual masturbation. It was really easy then about 6 months later to transfer to penetrative orgasmic sex. I often wonder how long it would have taken for me to discover orgasm if I hadn’t met this more experienced lover.”

Rose did not masturbate alone but she had succeeded in applying orgasm techniques to sex and she had learned how to masturbate herself during intercourse.

Rose agreed that a man’s sexual arousal can be very flattering and that an important aspect of her own sexual arousal was the idea that her partner wanted to have sex with her. Some couples find that the spoon position allows a woman to stimulate herself (think of spoons lying side by side in a drawer – man behind the woman).

Sharing sexual fantasies

Rose recommended: “Men need to learn manual arousal techniques (to use on the woman) and also not to be intimidated by women using masturbation as part of the act of intercourse.

Women need to learn to combine masturbation and intercourse and feel completely free to share their fantasies and use them during intercourse.” She giggled: “I wonder if the taboo about sex is not about sex per se but about the ‘naughty fantasies’ that make sex so good! I also found it difficult to share fantasies as I was unsure if speaking about them might somehow make them lose their power – like bursting a bubble – thankfully it hasn’t”.

Rose agreed that women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic and that women’s sexual arousal is more consciously generated: “Men are easily stimulated by sexual thoughts. Women’s automatic trigger is (1) more easily sublimated, (2) far less frequent and (3) needs other factors present to be switched on (i.e. they need to be content with other areas of their life).

I think that they do have this automatic trigger but because of the above reasons, the choice becomes more conscious. Women usually need more artificial aids to trigger arousal. I would also add general touching and caressing (as opposed to specifically primary erogenous zone touching).” Later she remarked:

“It’s peculiar that the ‘power’ that women have over men (i.e. the ability to sexually arouse them) is at times really appreciated by the woman and helps with her arousal. And at other times completely abhorrent to her or at least the effect it has is abhorrent. Unfortunately, men seem to be unable to get the timing right as to when to respond to this power. This is not very fair for men because they really seem unable to pick up the signals and respond appropriately. I believe that for whatever reason (upbringing, genetics) that their emotions are so controlled that they cannot read the emotional signals that women give out.”

“It’s not that men are insensitive. Their brains just aren’t organised to notice small details and changes in the appearance or behaviour of others. ” (p77 Why men don’t listen 1999)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)


  1. I know what Os are because I masturbated on my clit to O for a good 3 years before I ever had sex. The urethral sponge & areas around the cervix aren’t inert. If my orgasms aren’t “real” they’re something that feels better. The build-up & response from stimulating my cervix is the same as w my clit but consistently stronger. I’ve done enough exploring to know that my convulsions, contractions, oxytocin rush, and near black-out bliss is real!

  2. Thanks for commenting. All internal organs of the body are without sensation. But enjoy what you can! Orgasm is not just physical stimulation. Orgasm is a response to eroticism in the brain – anything else is just physical or sensual sensations. Orgasm is achieved by a massaging of the sex organ. Banging against even the clitoris is not going to work.

  3. I’m well aware what an orgasm is, and I’m saying I have distinct climaxes from cervical stimulation. I can achieve orgasms from pressure against my cervix and/or from my clitoris. People are built differently.
    The response affects my mind & body, but I guess you believe other women are incapable of recognizing their own O’s, huh? I know I have orgasms because I’ve experienced all sorts of different genital stimulation and different responses

  4. Then I’m going to keep having “just” physical sensations from my cervix that are far stronger than my clitoral orgasms Yes, there’s stimulation and sensation in my cervix for a period of time, a build-up, plateau, peak, and resolution.
    Slow, gentle sensations touching me, building up & getting more intense, or hearing a sexy voice, or seeing something sexy. And yes, all of that is indeed a response to eroticism.

  5. Except I did say that I get turned on in response to genital touch, and a variety of other things. The erotic and the emotional aren’t mutually exclusive. My body can get turned on in response to my mind getting turned on. Intercourse can focus on the orgasm of either or both parties. It can FOCUS on one party and still induce orgasm in the other.

  6. Good luck with that. If it works for you then great. It’s just it’s not a logical or reasonable explanation for orgasm. Emotional is emotional. Erotic is erotic. Eroticism involves genitals, responses etc. not the sound of a lover’s voice. Intercourse can be arousing for the receiver but it focuses on the orgasm of the penetrator. Homosexuals can confirm!
    You have no control over the stimulation provided by intercourse. Intercourse begins with male arousal (erection) & ends with male orgasm (ejaculation). A woman cannot orgasm within 2 mins! To orgasm you must have control over the stimulation & once you have an orgasm it’s preferable that stimulation ceases… Have you tried asking him to stop when you’re done or asking him to continue when you’re not there yet? It doesn’t work…

  7. I can and I have. People have different experiences than you. I have control over stimulation provided by intercourse when I’m on top or when I tell him how to thrust.
    I have told him to continue when I was close, to stop when I’m done. It works. Didn’t O from intercourse until I slept w a guy w a long enough penis to stimulate my cervix. People are made in different ways. I’m not going to say any more!