Although the modern day hype about female sexuality was in part sparked off by the work of Alfred Kinsey, the facts he reported have long since been lost in the rush to sensationalise female sexual desire.
Kinsey’s report clearly set out the much lower sexual response of the female (as measured by the incidence of orgasm) and the incredible range in sexual responsiveness reported by women.
“While it was 25 per cent of the females who had never reached orgasm by the end of the first year of marriage, it was 17 per cent who were not reaching orgasm in the fifth year, and 11 per cent who were not reaching orgasm in the twentieth year of marriage. On the other hand, 39 per cent of females were reaching orgasm in all or nearly all of their marital coitus during the first year of marriage. This percentage had gradually increased over the years. By the end of twenty years of continuous marriage, the number so responding had risen to 47 per cent – nearly half! – of all the females in the sample.” (p383-384 Sexual behavior in the human female 1953)
The Kinsey report was co-authored by four men. Imagine first four women reporting on male sexuality! Then think to yourself just how impartial most men are likely to be over female sexuality. No wonder they never considered that women might fake or simply be mistaken.
Even today, women who claim easy orgasm with a partner can rarely explain how they orgasm during sex. Orgasms ‘just happen’. Very few women appreciate the eroticism that leads to sexual arousal, which explains why even today female masturbation is relatively uncommon.
Sure there are women who enjoy adventurous sex play with a lover. I know because I’m one of them. Sure there are women who enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm through masturbation. But this is very different to saying that all women are as sexual as all men.
The young men I have been with seem to live in a permanent sex fantasy and masturbate up to two or three times a day. I only masturbate that much per week maximum and can happily go a week or two without orgasm.
To compete with ‘male sex drive’, modern women are assumed to have an equal ‘female sex drive’. Yet prostitution and pornography still thrive as much as ever. Insistence on political correctness means that no one can explain these anomalies.
Sexual desire versus sex drive to reach orgasm during sex
Female orgasm is not required for a woman to become pregnant. Consequently women do not have the same biological drive as men to orgasm during sex so sexual relationships favour male orgasm. The aim of Ways Women Orgasm is not to dwell on the difficulties but to accept that they exist and suggest how couples can improve on what they already have.
Some women suggest that any presentation that does not portray sex as ‘wonderful’, ‘orgasmic’ etc. will ‘put women off sex’. This is ludicrous. Women know what they want and what they enjoy as much as men do. Feminist beliefs about sexual equality with men (how can we be equal when men don’t have babies?) prevent women from learning the facts of their sexuality.
Many women never orgasm by any means and most of the stories of female orgasm during sex come from women who don’t even know how to masturbate to orgasm. It is quite normal for a woman only to orgasm through masturbation alone. Sadly, because so few women can masturbate to orgasm, this experience is categorised as sexually dysfunctional by experts today.
The pressure on women to be sexual equals with men means that women’s difficulties with sexual desire are hushed up. Instead of sex becoming more open it just got a whole lot more embarrassing. Most sources never even admit the facts.
Our definition of female sexuality should reflect the experiences of ALL women whatever their age, attitudes or politics. Only then can we hope to gain a more realistic understanding of how the average woman can hope to achieve true sexual arousal and orgasm. The truth is that female orgasm during sex is much more difficult to achieve than is ever acknowledged.
Excerpt from Jane’s book Ways Women Orgasm (2011)