Explanations for women’s sexual arousal
Some people assert confidently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frustratingly vague and defensive.
Many people...
Sex advice for women is often misleading
Natalie, a woman in her late twenties, had a close relationship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a...
Enjoying sex play
Women do not seek out relationships with men purely to enjoy orgasm. This is just as well because women's sexual arousal tends to be...
Investing in your sex life
Many couples, both men and women, find any discussion of their sex life intensely embarrassing. This lack of discussion leads to difficulties in enjoying...
The sexual revolution set false hopes for female sexuality
Up until the 1950s society believed that women only had sex either for the purposes of procreation or to satisfy their partner. Alfred Kinsey’s...
Taking the ego out of sex advice
Why do adults so often assume that they know everything about sex when most people have never even read a sex manual?
Everyone is entitled...
Why do so few women comment on sexual pleasure?
I am not so crazy as to approach just any random woman on the subject of sex. I know that most women will be...
Why it can be difficult to discuss our sexual relationships
One of the reasons that adults find it difficult to discuss sex openly is because of the personal nature of sex. It's important to...
Sexual fact versus sexual fantasy
Imagine the scenario: a woman, wearing a skirt and no panties, climbs a ladder. A man below enjoys a clear view of her genitals....
Is sexual arousal with a partner really so easy?
I approached my adult life in anticipation of a mutually enjoyable sex life. This optimism was fuelled by my love of erotic literature, which...
Bluffers, fakers and sex surveys
Pam, an attractive woman in her late forties, told me that she had never had a problem with sexual arousal and orgasm. She started...
Women who appear to want sexual pleasure
When I was 21, I met an Italian boy of the same age during a stay in Rome. Alfredo cared about how he dressed...
Talking to women about female orgasm
Since the experts I talked to had no rational explanations, I decided to do my own research by talking to women I met in...
Interpreting experiences of female orgasm
When a man is stimulated sexually by a partner he finds it difficult to avoid becoming aroused. Similarly, if a woman’s response to penile...
Women have a lower sex drive
Men's sexual arousal is usually easy whereas women's sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic so unsurprisingly sex tends to focus on male sexual...
Female orgasm is not required for reproduction
We have known for decades that intercourse doesn't provide sufficient PHYSICAL stimulation (of the clitoris) for orgasm. But even more fundamentally, how do women...
Women’s sexual desire
Women who live alone or do not have an active sex life with their partner sometimes perceive themselves to be sexually needy because they...
How female sexuality differs to male sexuality
Many heterosexuals like the fact that the opposite sex is fundamentally different. Both our sexuality and our emotional responses differ.
Men are macho, sometimes a little insensitive, largely disinterested in how they look, social issues or children.
Sexual promiscuity
Renate, a student of twenty-six, liked to be affectionate with her male friends but then was bewildered when they interpreted her hugs as a...
The sexual politics of female sexual desire
Although the modern day hype about female sexuality was in part sparked off by the work of Alfred Kinsey, the facts he reported have...
Women who fake orgasm
Men tell me how convinced they are that ALL their partners orgasm during sex. But that's kind of what faking orgasm is about, isn't it?
If...
Young and sexy
A young and sexy woman complained about the male attention she got every time she left the hostel on 42nd Street, Manhattan, dressed in...
Understanding female sexual desire
One of the misconceptions of the sexual revolution was the proposal that, for men and women to be equal, they had to be the...
A sexual relationship
Judy married in the late 1950s; well before the average woman was informed about what a sexual relationship might involve. Judy’s aspirations were to provide...
Orgasm techniques
The web shows just what an extraordinary level of interest there is (both from men and women) in suggestions for how a woman can...
Sexual fantasies
On approaching masturbation, my first task is to identify a fantasy that will arouse me enough to reach orgasm. If I cannot achieve the...
The 10 facts of female sexuality
Beliefs about female sexuality are more often based on fantasy than facts. These are the 10 essential facts that every sexual woman should know:
(1)...
Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction
It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this...
Women’s sexual arousal tends to be assumed or overlooked
Much of what is known about female orgasm comes from women's experience of masturbation. Shere Hite’s work focused on female masturbation and the clitoris.
As...
The ideal male lover
Alex Comfort's book 'The Joy of Sex' (1972) documented primarily positions for intercourse that he and his mistress had found pleasurable as part of...
True female sexual arousal and orgasm
Any talk of sexual arousal and orgasm, usually focuses on women since men's sexual arousal and orgasm tend to be a given.
It is unthinkable...
Women’s psychological sexual arousal
Even today, female sexual arousal is shrouded in mystery. Female orgasm is assumed to happen 'naturally' or with the assistance of a loving partner.
No...
Difficulties in applying orgasm techniques to sex
Women’s orgasm techniques leant from masturbation (including both clitoral stimulation and use of sexual fantasies) are not always as easy to transfer to sex...
Positions and techniques for sexual intercourse
Shere Hite explained in the 1970s how the women in her surveys reached orgasm during sex. She compared women’s success with orgasm during masturbation...
Transferring masturbation techniques to sex
Caroline lived on a farm as a child and was fortunate in having innocent and light-hearted sexual experiences as she grew up. Even as...
Why foreplay techniques don’t always work as we think they should
Foreplay has evolved as a means of compensating women for the lack of clitoral stimulation during intercourse. The concept behind foreplay techniques (including clitoral...
How to enjoy your sexual fantasies
Women use clitoral stimulation during female masturbation but that's just dessert. Main course is achieving sexual arousal though sexual fantasies. Many women never learn...
Reaching orgasm
Rose was a pretty woman even in her late forties. Despite being a mother and housewife she always achieved a classy presentation. Rose told me:
“Although...
How women enjoy eroticism through sex stories
Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the...
Women who use fantasy for sexual arousal
I have never been a romantic. But recently, I must have gone soft in the head because I now enjoy romantic dramas. I admire...
Sharing sexual fantasies
Although I knew that women's sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies during masturbation, when I approached orgasm during sex, I never considered using sexual...
Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies
Real female orgasms involve the release of sexual emotions not romantic feelings. So it does not matter how much you love your partner, orgasm...
Not every woman enjoys eroticism
Most girls probably read romantic stories but not everyone is comfortable with the more explicitly sexual nature of erotic stories, which help a woman...
Arousal comes from appreciating eroticism
Our ability to become sexually aroused through an appreciation of eroticism is a normal as well as a necessary part of human sexuality. Sex...
How to give a woman an orgasm during sex
The suggestion is that for the perfect sex life a woman just needs to find the right man: usually a loving and considerate partner,...
Clitoral stimulation is not everything
As long ago as the 1950s the clitoris, and not the vagina, was acknowledged to be the origin of female orgasm. So that by...
Clitoral stimulation
William Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research in the 1960s focused on intercourse but even they acknowledged that the clitoris is the source of female...
Orgasm during sex
Unfortunately, modern day sexology is not a science based on facts and logic but more a collection of beliefs and opinions.
One expert will claim...
What if female sexuality truly equalled male sexuality?
Imagine the scenario: a man and a woman facing each other, naked, in a world where men and women have an identical sex drive.
So,...
Lack of arousal during sex
Intimacy with a lover causes me to feel affectionate but I am rarely conscious of any sexual arousal. Whether it's sex with a partner,...
Women’s sexual dysfunction
Although many sources refer to women's 'sexual dysfunction', it is rare to find a definition of what is supposed to be sexually ‘normal’ for...
How to orgasm
Shere Hite explained how women apply orgasm techniques in order to orgasm during intercourse. Women's sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic and so...
The facts of female sexuality
Shere Hite pointed out in 1976 that intercourse does not provide the specific clitoral stimulation that women need to orgasm. So, it is very...
Most women are not aiming for orgasm through genital stimulation
Some women refer to 'making love' because the term more accurately describes their motives in terms of loving emotions rather than as an explicit...
Understanding the G-spot
The Gräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot, has been surrounded by controversy ever since its ‘discovery’ only decades ago. Some women may have one about an...
Real female orgasms
In the film ‘Private Benjamin’, a group of female army recruits sits around a campfire during an overnight exercise.
One of the women says: “I...
The ‘non-genital’ female orgasm
In response to my suggestion that it was ridiculous to suggest that a man can give a woman an orgasm, a man wrote:
"My wife...
Enjoying sexual pleasure
When it was suggested recently that UK schools should explain the role of the clitoris, mothers were up in arms. They objected to their...
How we enjoy our best orgasms
Shere Hite identified two main approaches that women used to increase clitoral stimulation and their chances of orgasm during intercourse. They either maximised DIRECT...
Comparing orgasm from female masturbation and with a partner
Graphs are not very exciting concepts but nevertheless they can be useful. Imagine the male orgasm graph which looks a little like a vertical...
How to use a vibrator to discover orgasm
Laura was educated and cultured but she also had a worldliness and the classy sex appeal that attracts the most ambitious men. In her...
How a woman can learn to masturbate
If a woman is open-minded to the idea of exploring eroticism, she should start by reading some erotic literature. I suggest:
'Emmanuelle' by Emmanuelle...
Techniques women use to reach orgasm
I'm sure that men will understand the point. We express our sexuality through two basic phenomena:
Firstly, enjoying our own PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal by appreciating...
Women have to learn how to orgasm
In the film ‘Shirley Valentine’ (1989), Pauline Collins plays Shirley, a middle-aged housewife. Shirley comments: “I’m not particularly fond of it – sex.
I think...
Women have to learn how their sexual arousal works
Some women appear to be so sheltered from the world of adult eroticism that one wonders if they have ever experienced sexual urges of...
Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic
Almost complete mystery surrounds women’s sexual arousal. Women’s PHYSICAL arousal is rarely acknowledged and our understanding of women’s PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal is very vague. No...
Women’s sex drive to orgasm during sex
Becky explained via e-mail: “I had my first orgasm at 26 during masturbation - pretty late I know & since then no stopping me...
Female masturbation is relatively uncommon
Carolyn, a relationship counsellor in her fifties, told me she thought it unwise to positively encourage female masturbation. She did not give her reasons.
“Many...
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal is a mental state that arises when the mind responds to PSYCHOLOGICAL stimuli (of an erotic or sexual nature). Sexual arousal is...
Sexual desire
Kinsey shocked the world in the 1950s with his revelation that SOME women experience orgasm. The popular message became: all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during...
Why sex is called ‘making love’
The heterosexual act of vaginal intercourse is designed foremost as an expression of love between a man and a woman.
After all, if sex was...
Intercourse does not facilitate female orgasm
Men's sexual arousal is usually easy, which gives them a natural advantage. As a consequence, while men can usually hope for orgasm from their...
Women settle for emotional intimacy over sexual arousal
On relating our experience to others, we all tend to gloss over details or not own up to difficulties that were perhaps transient.
I told...
How to get laid
Men should take comfort from the facts of female sexuality. Most women are unlikely to orgasm from intercourse alone (which provides insufficient clitoral stimulation...
Sheltering young women from eroticism
Reading the word ‘sexy’, a boy of nine screwed up his face in a gesture of disgust and said “Yuck!”. I asked him why...
Why do so many women dislike eroticism?
Pornography is defined to be 'sexually explicit material (verbal or pictorial) that is primarily designed to produce sexual arousal'.
Two women give their views on...
Why do women not always appreciate displays of male sexuality?
I have never seen any reason to be embarrassed about my body. I am pretty. I have sensual skin that browns easily and a...
A man’s sexual arousal can be very flattering
In the early days of a romance, a man feels loved and needed through sex. A man’s sexual admiration for a woman makes her...
Sex and love
A BBC documentary ‘The Human Body’ presented by Dr Robert Winston films a sex education class. First the teacher writes the word ‘SEX’ in...
Female sexuality in perspective
Humans are one of the few mammals known to have intercourse even when the female is not in estrus (the fertile period in the...
Understanding women’s sexual arousal
Sex is associated with reproduction and with pleasure. Male orgasm is usually co-incident with ejaculation which leads to reproduction but female orgasm is not...
Why sexual arousal is more elusive for women
Sexual desire is associated with ‘sex drive’. The male sex drive is a man’s biological drive to procreate by thrusting into a woman’s vagina...
Male nudity does not cause female sexual arousal
The naked male body can be a beautiful sight and yet our heterosexual society is dominated by images of women's bodies. The ancient Greeks...
Sexual arousal from romantic emotions
Many women talk about sexual arousal and orgasm in terms of their relationship. They describe their loving feelings for their partner and explain their...
Women often assume sexual arousal during sex
Unless they masturbate, most women are unaware that clitoral stimulation is needed for female orgasm. Equally, they are unaware that before genital stimulation can...
Some women never tune into eroticism
Angela, a woman in her early twenties, was having relationship problems with her boyfriend of six months. She was upset that he enjoyed looking...
Confusion over female orgasm
When they talk about their sexual relationships with men, women will often refer to love, trust and commitment.
These factors are obviously important for the...
The mystery of female sexual arousal
In the film 'True Lies' (1994) Jamie Lee Curtis, as the dowdy housewife turned spy in the role of a prostitute, performs a sexy...
Sexual arousal during intercourse
When I had sex for the first time, I was disappointed because I had hoped that sex would be spontaneously arousing enough for me...
Women’s sexual arousal
Published in 1972, ‘Joy of Sex’ by Alex Comfort MD was revolutionary at the time because it suggested a new openness and a sense...
Female masturbation
As our bodies develop through puberty, young men and women become aware of themselves as very different sexual beings.
Boys have erections as early as...
Female sexuality
Sex is associated with pleasure (through sexual arousal and orgasm) as well as with reproduction (through family and relationships). However male and female sexuality...
Sex for life
One great aspect of men growing older is that they become slightly less obsessed with their own sexual arousal and need for sexual release....
Men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal
The sex industry (prostitution and pornography) is a clear indication that men’s desire to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm cannot be satisfied...
Long-term sexual relationships
Why in our liberated times do women still accept ‘putting up with sex’ just to avoid being single? I am not judging anyone else’s...
How men appreciate sex and love
My mother never talked to me much about sex but she did tell me to respect a man's sexual ego. She believed that a...
Holding men responsible for women’s sexual arousal
Men are often blamed, unfairly, for the difficulties that women have with orgasm during sex. For example, it is suggested that, by coming too...
Male sexuality involves a high sex drive
Faking illustrates how women are more concerned about keeping their partners happy or not appearing inadequate than they are about reaching orgasm. Otherwise, they...
Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy
Young men wake up each morning with an erection and have spontaneous erections throughout the day as sex-related thoughts occur to them or simply...
The marvel of male sexuality
The film 'The Way We Were' (1973) stars Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford (the Brad Pitt of my mother's generation).
She's the young woman from a...
Men’s sexual fantasies
In pursuit of knowledge and understanding of sexual arousal, I went to a large newsagent in London’s Oxford Street to review the covers of...
Men are fascinated by sex
When I was seeing Bruce, a sexual psychologist, Peter also went along for one session by himself. It was a rare opportunity for two...
How a woman can enjoy sex play
In the novelty of a new sexual relationship, I have explored a variety of sexual activities with a partner. So, in addition to vaginal...
Pleasuring a woman
An erection might feel good but it is likely to be a disadvantage if a man wants to devote time to pleasuring a woman....
Making the most of sex play
Overall my partner and I have been lucky to have enjoyed exploring eroticism and sex play together. Sure we have had our ups and...
Women who enjoy their own sexual arousal
Perhaps it would be simpler if I explained that I am targeting women who masturbate regularly in order to enjoy their own sexual arousal...
Difficulty reaching orgasm during sex
The website 'Go Ask Alice!' confirms that it is likely to be difficult for a woman to reach orgasm through intercourse since the clitoris...
Why sex is fun
If the male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men would be happy settling for masturbation instead of sex. No doubt...
Lust is good
I suppose that I have been lucky. My sexual desire to enjoy my own sexual arousal and orgasm is evidently unusual for a woman.
I...
How do women achieve sexual arousal during sex?
Some women happily accept the modern media's portrayal of women as complete sexual beings, for whom spontaneously orgasmic sex is as much of a...
Eroticism
Men and women live in different worlds when it comes to attitudes to eroticism. I suggested that most women today know how to pleasure...
Physical intimacy
In the film ‘Basic Instinct’ (1992) Michael Douglas, playing the detective, asks Sharon Stone, playing the millionairess, whether she enjoyed having sex with her...
Emotional intimacy
Enjoying sex for life involves continuing to be thrilled by each other’s company in a broader sense than just sex.
It involves demonstrating affection by...
Spice up your sex life
A young woman, who had promised her father that she would remain a virgin until a certain age, complied with his request by having...
How to pleasure a man
Tracy Cox (author of ‘Hot Sex’ 1998) tells the story of a woman who welcomes her partner home wearing a sexy nightdress, with champagne...
Some women do explore sexual pleasure
Slowly attitudes to sexual pleasure are changing and more couples are approaching their sex life with a willingness to try activities other than vaginal...
Sharing physical intimacy with a partner
I always enjoyed sharing physical intimacy with a lover but this is very different to achieving my own sexual arousal. I always knew that...
Women who want to enjoy sexual pleasure
When I was growing up there was never any embarrassment over nudity at home. As divorcees, my parents naturally enjoyed sexual relationships with various...
Sexual pleasure
Self-evidently there are ‘responsible’ aspects of sex as well as the ‘pleasurable’ but sexual ignorance is of no use to anyone.
Young women today are...
Very few women talk about orgasm
After finding no answers from talking to experts, I decided to do my own research by talking to women I came across in everyday...
Why is sexual pleasure still taboo?
If sex is so equal then why would anyone need to pay for sex? Prostitution exists because men's drive to enjoy sexual pleasure cannot...
Women who enjoy sexual pleasure
Naturally, some women insist that they are just as sexually driven as men. Even today when pornography dominates 90% of the Internet, women remain...
Emotional intimacy may lead to physical intimacy
Sex does not stand alone in a relationship and in long-term sexual relationships couples need to invest in quality time together.
The candle-lit dinners, soft...
Bringing more realism to sex advice
It is natural that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We...
Advice on female orgasm
Given the practical nature of sex (book-learning only gets you so far!) we tend to assume that sex experts have personal experience to support...
What sex experts have told me
When my partner and I decided to get married, his work-mates took him out for a beer to convince him that marriage would mean...
The problem with sex advice today
The suggestion is that female sexuality is identical to male sexuality. Yet women don't approach sex with the same genital erection (of the clitoris)...
Defending the modern image of female sexuality
As a young woman I never understood why I did not experience sexual arousal as a natural part of my sexual relationship. Much later...
How do women reach orgasm with a partner?
Everyone says "but it all works fine for other women". My question is "How?"
Men have more testosterone. Men get turned on by anything that...
Sex experts deal with sexual dysfunction
In the film ‘Doc Hollywood’ (1991) Bridget Fonda asks Michael J Fox whether doctors know more about sex than normal people.
This is a natural...
The truth about female sexuality
Sex is a difficult subject to analyse because it relies on our emotions rather than our powers of logical reasoning. How many women have...